Late 30's divorce here about 5 years ago.. It takes a while to start over all the life planning but once it gets rolling, things are so much better. That emotional bullshit you fight every day lifts off your shoulders and you can be more focused on the important stuff.
You won't notice it for a while. Keep going.
I know you asked for selfhost, it just didn’t seem worth it to me when I looked into it. I switched to migadu for hosting my email service. didn’t want to run my own server but now with this setup I can go anywhere and keep the same email at any time.
There are plenty of alternatives. I liked being limited by emails sent/received instead of domains and email Addresses.
Works well for me, 5 months into this setup.