remotelove

Hi again!

Still sober; A few years in with hopefully more in the future. I am going to preface this with a trigger warning. I may touch on some dark spots that recently sober people probably will not want to read. tl; dr: Sobriety isn't all rainbows and unicorn farts.

The last few days have been rough, but yet, here I am. Even before the recent political chaos, I was already in a seriously dark nihilistic phase for some reason, so that sucked.

Strangely enough, my recent cravings are not specifically about drinking, but more about numbing myself to the world for just a few short hours. Alcohol just happens to be the only crutch I know that does that in just the perfect way.

In retrospect, craving alcohol was just a symptom of deeper issues I needed to resolve.

I have mentioned several times that I do not particularly care for AA or its methodology, but damn does it get a ton of things right about how the brain of a drunk works. In my case specifically, me getting caught up in issues I can't control and problems I can't solve was pointing me square into the depths of a bottle. My unwillingness to resolve the things I could control was also pointing me in the wrong direction. The feedback loop of my problems being everyone else's fault had started once again.

Alcohol is my faux cocoon. It can and will give me a few short hours of relief where I truly don't care about anyone or anything else. That is the temptation for me now when it used to be about just getting a fix. For better or for worse, life seemed much simpler when I was numb.

When we take a step back and look at the world and even everything we know about the universe, our individual lives actually don't matter one bit. After the awe wore off from seeing pictures of recently discovered black hole jets that extended for 23 million light years into the void, I was left wondering how many thousands of planets it must have wiped clean over the time it took form. How many other solar systems and societies did the universe just extinguish at random? Needless to say, it took a bit of mental gymnastics to justify how me not drinking a beer would actually matter to anyone or anything here in even just 10 years time. It absolutely isn't a concern of the universe as whole if you choose to think about things that way.

But I will say, yet again, here I am. I am here again typing out a carbon copy of the same story we all share in one way or another and have collectively typed out millions of times over. At the end of the day we do this because it works. It solves a problem I have now, on this planet in this solar system and in our universe.

What I think the overall point of this was, is that coming to terms with our own insignificance can be challenging, if not repetitive. Without a doubt, my own insignificance was (and still is) a driver for my alcoholism. Life is an interesting thing and is as beautiful as it is brutal.

So, pending any solar system destruction events, I will not drink with you today.

I have been seeing some positive vibes coming from .ml over the last day or so. Kinda cool, actually.

~~wrong~~ different

There is no such thing as normal, so embrace who you are in all of your different ways.

Even if physical handicaps are involved, like you actually can't walk a straight line or if you have difficulty breathing, that has its own challenges but it's not wrong.

And yeah. People can be really dick'ish sometimes and that sucks. The sooner you stop giving a fuck what they think, the sooner you can be happier with yourself.

The second I embraced who I was, in my own ways, I could stop killing myself slowly with booze. Alcohol was just my own way of coping and it really sucked.

It's impossible for me to fully understand what you are going through, but FWIW, I can relate. And trust me, life can get better if you let it, but make no mistake: I know it ain't as easy as saying the words.

Chin up and keep on keepin' on!

I see an incredible history of shit posting, but as far as I looked back, there wasn't any spam. Bulk posting shit posts still sticks with a general theme.

B. No illegal content.

While this particular community probably would not have an issue with "illegal content", it still remains an extremely vague depending on where in the world you live. Are we talking about international law or laws in some random community in Texas?

So just a few billion billion times the entire world economy, and then some. That seems totally rational.

R

I

Using simple numbers can help determine an unknown formula, sometimes. While there are easier formulas I am sure, I am just going to "reverse engineer" this one with the data I have.

In that example, I have a 2:1 ratio (3 parts total) with a final volume of 10fl/oz.

10floz / 3 parts is ~3.3 per part. 2 * 3.3 = 6.6, 1 * 3.3 = 3.3

6.6 + 3.3 = 9.9 (close enough..)

So, what we do is determine what is "one part" of the mixture, and then do some basic math on the given ratio.

The lead would make the bacon a bit sweeter and should mask the gunpowder undertones.