OK, obviously this is just...fucked.
That being said though. I live in an apartment complex and am shy / do not want to bother people.
I can't count the number of times I've been crying / sobbing but held myself back from full on screaming into the void to relieve my soul.
Mayyyyybe this would help? Still fucked though.
(Actually, the only time I've been able to fully let go and scream while crying as an adult was when just so happening to be next to a torrendous river. I could not possibly scream loud enough to be heard by anyone. It is so freeing to just scream everything off your soul. 10/10 would recommend. Sorry for kinda off-topic.)