Greatest Generation

When Mariner gets sent to Qo’noS to secretly scan season 5’s serialized plotline, she looks up Ma’ah and offers to help him regain his station. But while Boimler uses the letter of the law against the Klingon oversight council, Tendi and Rutherford expose the fraudulent Cloacan tasters aboard the Cerritos to save Dr. Migleemo’s career. Which song has the potential to cause a Peloton injury? How far along is Boimler on Adam’s facial-hair scale? Who should you not take advice about electric fences from? It’s the episode that proves Star Trek’s barrel of blood wine is not dry.

When the Cerritos has a navigational breakdown in Cetacean Ops, the only option for emergency repairs is a trip to Starbase 80. But when repairs start going in the wrong direction and a supposed curse has the crew licking walls, Mariner starts to see the station in a different light while Captain Freeman gets stuck in the maintenance labyrinth. Which brand of breakfast cereal is kid rejected, mother approved? Who is the exception to no bits on tips? How are The Rio and Starbase 80 related? It’s the episode that asks the hard-hitting questions.

When another problem ensign gets assigned to the Cerritos, Mariner becomes personally invested in her success aboard the ship. But when tedious diplomacy boils over into an all out shape war, Olly gets her mini redemption arc while Boimler learns the wrong lesson about just being himself. Which November thing is this story a metaphor for? What are employees in the post-scarcity future not as into? Why is it so easy to get a traumatic butt injury? It’s the episode that establishes gloves as canonically Star Trek.

When Captain Archer and Agent Daniels are stuck in the future, they scrounge up the raw materials to communicate with the past. But with Suliban in control of the Entrepreneur, Commander Tucker hot wires everyone’s doorbells so that Hoshi can Die Hard through the vents to retake the ship. Which art project is dripping glue? What takes more technique than people give it credit for? Who should have voiced the last time on? It’s the episode with an auto-destruct-shaped hole in its heart.

When Captain Archer and Commander Tucker ask T’Pol for a good dinner story, she tells them about the ancient Vulcans who crashed on Earth before first contact. But when her great-grandmother’s rescue doesn’t arrive for many months, one of the Vulcans learns to love the bomb while the others can’t wait to get off Sputnik-era Earth. What are the two things you can gamble with? Who was the original hawk tuah? Which modern invention is part of the texture of our reality now? It’s the episode that makes everyone feel like a lecherous creep.

When the Entrepreneur arrives to make contact with a matriarchal culture, their careful shuttlepod approach results in blowing up the damn colony. But when the crew is in shock and can’t explain what happened, Daniels takes Captain Archer time traveling to prove their innocence with evidence from a cloaked Suliban ship. What needs to be added to the whiteboard at New Star Trek HQ? Which character is starting to give serial killer vibes? How should Archer break the news to the Paraagan home world? It’s the episode that makes a strong case for sex tourism.

When the Cerritos arrives at a cruise ship in space, the team get assigned pest-control duty while Boimler gets yoinked for a side quest with Ransom. But after Mariner left an uncharacteristic loose thread with Jennifer, her tagging along for one final mission leads to finally having the talk. What’s the main thing you need to be able to do in a casino? Why does the AWOL Admiral resent milking space whales? How long before Boimler runs afoul of Starfleet’s facial-hair policy? It’s the episode that establishes “no bits on ‘ships” as a new rule.

When the Orions fail to diversify their booty-based economy, Tendi and D’Erika end up in the middle of conflict that really rocks the boat. But when the Orion Pirate Queen proposes a winner-takes-all regatta, Tendi is willing to risk her family’s fortune to play mother to her sister. If not clip show why clip show titled? What type of ghost would Adam be? Are buffalo blasts now canonical Trek? It’s the episode that isn’t very good with roman numerals.

When an obviously rigged lottery decides who gets to go down to Risa, Captain Archer checks into his villa and starts peeping on an age-appropriate neighbor. But after Reed and Tucker’s encounter at the club leaves them stripped, hungover, and embarrassed, Hoshi’s aspirational vacation is the only one that ends without consequences. How is Risa like Europe? Where should Porthos have been for this story? What has Brode never promised? It’s the episode that’s always packing a swimsuit.

When the Cerritos gets sent to fill in a space butthole, the ship gets dunked instead and finds a slightly different versions of reality inside. But while Tendi is trying to leave leave pirate culture better than she found it, Rutherford from anotherford Motherford demonstrates how not to handle missing a friend. Which vocal warm-up does Terry Gross use? What does tragedy plus time plus Rishon Uxbridge equal? How long until Greatest Gen covers TAS? It’s the episode that STILL doesn’t sign anything on the porch!

When the Entrepreneur picks up a distress signal from Clancy Brown’s ship, they stop to help with repairs and he invites them to postpone their vacation again. But when Captain Archer’s reputation leads Trip to think they may have been honey-potted, the implications of taking sides in other peoples’ wars is something they finally start to consider. Why are new construction hives so much less desirable? What’s the problem with a tactical napkin deployment? Is there an advantage to wearing velvet robes in the desert? It’s the episode that’s just trying to avoid a My Girl situation.

When a special guest gets to pick this week’s movie, it’s a perfect 80s time capsule with a sad situation on the penumbra of an adventure. But after the Goonies spend a week at the waterpark with Steven Spielberg, a completely different protagonist actually saves the day. What did the 80s contribute to the Commedia dell'arte? Do all Amblin films take place in the same universe? Why doesn’t Astoria have a social safety net? It’s the episode that imagines both its prequel and its sequel.

When the Entrepreneur gets an Uber mission that delays their trip to Risa, the Vulcan Ambassador who comes aboard is a pretty cool old lady. But when her rap sheet puts the ship at risk, Archer finally gets need-to-know status just in time to learn a not very salacious secret. What should Reed do with the ship’s torpedos? Where are new Greatest Gen conspiracy theories popping up? Is there a beauty standard for Vulcan eyebrows? It’s the episode that starts a campfire in engineering.

When the whole 2001 aftermath has Roy Scheider assuaging his guilt with a wrench, an unexpected offer to join a Russian mission to the Discovery is too tempting for him to pass up. But when he finally gets to space and war breaks out on earth, the two crews have to work together in pursuit of an unambiguously happy ending. Where does Helen Mirren fall on the scale of Russian accents? What’s the creepiest thing you could hear on a huge mostly empty spaceship? Which department has very specific messaging on their inspirational poster? It’s the episode that appreciates a bit of cold-war bullshit.

When some free-floating space ropes find their way into the Entrepreneur’s cargo bay, several crew members get caught up in a sticky situation. But when Reed can’t blast the alien into releasing its hostages, Hoshi and T’Pol start communicating just in time to return the ropes home. How is the popcorn technology of the future superior? Which department got wagged by the production dog? What’s the written form of Cumese? It’s the episode that was made for us.

When a grieving therapist gets a call from an astronaut, he cancels all of his appointments to go triage the psychological situation. But when he arrives at Solaris and learns firsthand about the visitors, he can’t get on board with killing his dead wife twice. Who wants you to get faded to Bolivian liquor? Which type of sci-fi movie is this? What’s the worst part about a spouse coming back to life? It’s the episode with a case of the Film Festival bends.

When Archer and Mayweather wake up in an internment camp, their preconceptions about the Suliban diaspora get shattered by the prisoners they meet. But when Colonel Grat comes down hard on the Captain’s sense of justice, the ambiguity of their escape plan goes completely unexplored. What does Kevin Uxbridge wear on a blind date? Which character could have helped this story? When is solitary confinement actually a reward? It’s the episode that’s pretty sure it’s better to be free to be fucked than to be not free to not be fucked.

When an emergency medical spaceship receives a distress call, James Spader’s boring deep-space work release job turns into a sexy color-timed adventure. But when the crew’s Captain dies in a freak nude-tube accident, taking over command means defeating the universe’s most basic villain. Who was the luckiest cast member? Why will Ben be a big hit at the senior home? What is this horror movie trying to ruin? It’s the episode that’s notable as an artifact of its time.

When nobody invited Ben and Adam to program a film festival, they decide to go rouge and put one together themselves. But after Ridley Scott’s sci-fi classic almost gave them both a seizure, they’re more prepared to see the franchise’s latest release at the theater. What isn’t practical to bring aboard the Nostromo? Who can sit with both jocks and nerds in the lunchroom? How does Robert Altman’s Alien differ? It’s the episode that gets value for its mucus!

When Tom Bergeron comes aboard for a segment of Hot Ones In Space, he tells the crew about a crashed vessel that has the raw materials they need. But when the away team shuttles down and T’Pol discovers a grow-op behind a panel wall, the marooned survivors they meet have a secret in need of a punch-up. What’s the Mike of the Alpha Quadrant? How should Kes hair be interpreted? Which allium knows things about you? It’s the episode with an impromptu taste test.

When the guys need to select a second movie for their film festival Adam forgets the one rule he set for himself, no blockbusters, and chooses a T-Rex sized smash hit. But when the special effects start jangling its keys, Ben and Adam are so distracted by shiny jeeps and dinosaurs that they forget all their movie mandates. Is the flutter real? Who said it best, Muldoon or Lecter? Did Jeff Goldblum get to take the excess chest oil home? It’s the episode that has golf time written into its contract. 

He has to be right? Is this a bit I missed in the beginning? His reasons make no sense! I thought the pod had desensitized me entirely, but I wince so hard listening to his answers!

When an artifact of unknown origin knocks out the entire crew, one underwear-clad Commander Tucker remains conscious in the decon chamber. But when the criminals come aboard with their heist carts and Santa sacks, Captain Archer plays their hierarchy to his advantage while Trip tries to yes and. Where could paper-based old person games help tell this story? What’s the turkey of Enterprise? Who has the thirstiest website? It’s the episode with a very disorganized pile of women.

I’m going to the London Podcast Festival today. To see @greatestgen . My attempt to explain this to my spouse did not go well. “I’m going to a live podcast recording today.” “Great, what’s the podcast? Can I come?”

This was the point at which, too late, I realised that there was no way I could explain this podcast - and why I like it - to my spouse, a sweet, gentle person of good taste, who doesn’t need to be stuck in a theatre listening to Kevin Uxbridge jokes for an hour while reconsidering their life choices, particularly the one about marrying me. Consider this a warning bwah to all #GreatestGen fans in relationships. (Really looking forward to seeing the show alone though!)