The Onion

4335 readers

608 users here now

The Onion

A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.

Great Satire Writing:

founded 2 years ago

MODERATORS

seahorse@midwest.social

pbrisgreat@midwest.social

1032

‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens (theonion.com)

submitted 1 month ago by Midnight@slrpnk.net to c/theonion@midwest.social

131 comments fedilink hide all child comments

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments

[–] Warl0k3@lemmy.world 3 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

You realize you sound insane, right? Plate carriers? For kids? Come on, they all already have backpacks. We just issue each kid with a ballistic plate and tuck them in there. Maybe some anti-spalling pads too. Sure it might be a little heavier, but think of the exercise they'd get! We can call it "No Child Shot From Behind"!

[–] SomeAmateur@sh.itjust.works 2 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

No no no we just fill the plates with tannerite and ball bearings so as soon as a shooter hits a backpack the shooter is taken out AND ends the suffering of the victims!

[–] SatansMaggotyCumFart@lemmy.world 2 points 1 month ago

I'm just imagining the chain reaction if a bunch of kids are together.