It's nice that praise kinks are starting to get accepted (because man, they sure werent taken seriously for a long damn time), but to characterize this as "a lot" of the bdsm community is just comically wrong. It'd be like saying "a lot" of the community is into heavy rubber or petplay or ABDL - all very popular, but still minute fractions of the broad community.

[–] Jimbo@yiffit.net 7 points 1 month ago

It'd be like saying "a lot" of the community is into heavy rubber or petplay or ABDL - all very popular,

I'm in this post and I ~~don't~~ like it

[–] pixeltree@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (2 children)

Oh BDSM in general isn't like that, sure, but I'm in a submissive focused discord and there are many people there who have lifestyle dynamics similar to the one in the post. Like yeah the poster doesn't know what they're talking about but those kinds of dynamics certainly do exist. They're not something I'm comfortable with, self discipline has to come from the self and to me having discipline for life things like that come from your partner enforcing that on you feels like a crutch that I'm not ok with personally, but ykinmk and all that.

It's honestly kind of interesting to me, I think dynamics fall onto a spectrum of being controlled to being taken care of. I mean that in a general sense, not specific things like aftercare. Like yes caring for and about your partner is an important part of any relationship but that end of the spectrum falls more under parental care in my mind. I'm certainly no expert, lifestyle dynamics aren't for me, but I like lurking and observing because I think it's neat.

[–] SARGE@startrek.website 25 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Oh BDSM in general isn’t like that

That..... Was their entire point?

Because the OP started with "BDSM IS" which reads as is "all of BDSM is like this" regardless of whether OP meant to generalize or not.

First comment then said "BDSM is not all like that"

[–] pixeltree@lemmy.blahaj.zone -5 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

Yeah, I said it was a different subculture... Then the dude was like no it's not... Then I was like yeah, not bdsm in general, a subculture... Hope you're caught up now buddy

Sorry not usually this much of a dick but I lose patience with those with people who won't read

[–] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 4 points 1 month ago (1 children)

As someone in a long term lifestyle dynamic, those kinds tend to burn dominants out. As you say self discipline comes from the self and many dominant women especially are tired of being mom-zoned. Hell I’ve had Dommes tell me and my Mistress that they’re envious of her because they can’t find a sub that has their shit together emotionally. In fact in my community I’ve found two categories of people who successfully form long term relationships with dominant women: switches/dominants in egalitarian/switchy roles and subs who have our shit together (I’m awkwardly both as I recently realized I’m a switch).

But yeah if someone is looking for a Domme to make them drink their water or validate their feelings, I’m not going to say that that person isn’t out there, what I’ll say is you’ve got stiff competition. Figure out what you can provide for Dommes and what you want from them and treat them like people. Most Dommes I’ve met want someone who is desirable by non dominant standards and happens to be submissive.

[–] pixeltree@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 1 month ago

That's honestly the vibe I got--its just dumping your responsibilities to yourself onto another person. I'd hate to do that to someone.