this post was submitted on 16 Feb 2025
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No Stupid Questions

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I have anger issues, which I can’t control. I am considered conventionally attractive (though I don’t see it) and many people think I’m cool and want to be around me.

Like I said, though, I have anger issues where I will act quite aggressively towards people. One time, someone I knew said hi to me, so I screamed “I HEARD YOU”. I also tend to type very dryly and with periods when I’m upset (which is admittedly ~90% of the time but I can’t control that).

My friend doesn’t talk to me as much and I really don’t get why because even when I’m “aggressive”, it’s tough love and I’m trying to help them. If I didn’t love her, I wouldn’t be like that.

I’m even like this with guys I’ve dated and I love them not as brothers.

Women also piss me off more than men do, so I hang out more with them because I feel like they get me and aren’t as bitchy. (Part of the reason why I’m bi curious but never found a woman I’d date, excluding one I almost went out with).

While I do tend to praise men and ignore women, as some people say, it’s tough love since I think women should be the best versions of themselves :) [I believe this is why society is so hard on women as a whole]

But yeah, TLDR; My mood problems impact the people I care about, and I’m wondering if it’s a turn off since some people don’t want to be around me rather than loving me for me.

I have a reason for my actions, people just choose to ignore those reasons and misinterpret me.

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[–] southsamurai@sh.itjust.works 16 points 4 days ago

Yeah, it's a turn off. Doesn't matter if it's friends, partners, work, whatever, if you're unstable, you aren't going to be welcome company.

It doesn't matter why, it doesn't even matter if you're justified. Nobody likes am asshole for long.

See, love is not magic. It isn't something that gives a person blanket immunity to assholery. To the contrary, if someone loves you, and you claim to love them, you should be giving them your best self, not relying on their love to just gloss over you being an asshole

It's like the whole concept of family being where you can just be yourself. Yeah, you can. Family is going to forgive a lot because you're family. But that doesn't mean you get to be an asshole and they're obligated to forgive you. It means that you give them the best of yourself, and they forgive your and love you when you fall.

If you're working on your anger issues, that's great. Good friends will stick by you. But that doesn't mean they have to put up with your shit. A good friend won't put up with your shit, they'll tell you you're being an asshole, to stop it, refuse to let you continue, and offer you help to get better. That's love, not pretending there isn't a problem.

You absolutely can gain some degree of control over your anger. Even obstacles like severe neurological issues don't prevent some control being gained.

But nobody, and I mean nobody, not your parents or anyone is obligated to put up with your shit and let you stay in their lives when you won't put in the minimum effort into improving.