I'm in my late 20s now and I feel so much despair.
I think a huge factor that shaped my world is my breakup almost 3 years ago. I had dated several people, actually more than several, before then.
I feel like people think I am delusional when I say this, but he was genuinely the nicest person I've ever met in my life. I don't understand how it's possible for someone to have actually cared about me to the extent he did. At times I felt like he actually cared about me more than my own mom did. It wasn't just that, he was intelligent and hilarious too and we had a lot in common.
Unfortunately I wasn't good enough for him and he didn't want to continue the relationship. This basically fundamentally broke me.
I had my share of heartbreaks before, but even when I met him, I was basically at my breaking point with love. I remember telling myself this was my last try (because I was so done). To this day I literally have no idea how I could have so much in common with someone. It's like we completely agreed on almost every aspect in life. Did he just lie to me or agree with everything I said or something?
Apparently he has also had random acquaintances tell him he's a breath of fresh air and so nice to be around compared to most people, so it's not just me.
I really don't know what to do other than cry about losing him. I've tried so hard to find happiness for myself but how could I let something like that go?
My life hasn't gotten any better since then and I honestly think I am hopeless. Genuinely.
Literally everyone pales in comparison to what I had with him. Even though what I had clearly wasn't real, because ultimately he clearly didn't feel the same about me since he chose to leave. It felt real to me, talking to him is the most enjoyable thing I had experienced in my life.
This all sounds extremely sad and pathetic but really what am I supposed to do? I bet most people haven't even come close to meeting someone like him so they can't relate to this at all. I am going to sound insane again but I think he is some prodigy or something. Like one of those one in a million once in a lifetime people that most won't even get the chance to meet.
Thank you for sharing. That's the hard part. I don't know what I want, because I genuinely don't know if success is possible for me. I really don't believe in myself and I feel like it's already too late for me to achieve anything. I know I don't want to be in this country but I feel guilty leaving my parents and grandparents behind. Also I don't really know if I would be happier elsewhere. Yes I would have a better environment, with clean air and nicer nature and better public transportation. But would that stuff even be worth it if I have literally no one, and have to work all the time in some super replaceable role where the boss will make sure I know it? I mean, not like I have anyone here apart from my parents and grandparents, who I barely get along with. But it still provides me with some sense of security or support. I think it I had a friend or two it would probably help. I feel so afraid alone, not being able to share anything with anyone. Can't share stuff with my family. This current life is nightmarefuel. Of course tons of people have it worse but compared to my quality of life before, this is appalling, horrifying, nightmarish. I feel like someone that landed in some post apocalyptic planet, or like the movie Idiocracy. It's exactly what I feel like, some kind of alien here and I'm gonna go insane having absolutely nobody who agrees with me or understands. Like there is no one in this entire country who understands. But it's not even that that is the problem, it's the fact that any time I share something about how I feel it's met with anger, resistance, or dismissiveness. I mean someone doesn't have to understand to offer support, but they do have to have some semblance of empathy.
You're in your late 20s. Of course, "success", however you define that (which I would be interested to know), is still possible. Most people in fact have no fucking clue what they should be doing in their 20s. Most people only report having "success" much, much later in life. You have so much time still, for whatever it is you wanna do.
I've felt like being an alien with nobody to understand before. From my experience, it's simply not true.
The problem is that you're an outlier. You're a minority. You've said in another comment, that you can't deal with the crawling through the shitty people, to find the few who might be better. It's incredibly exhausting, I know this, because I've felt the exact same way.
But imagine there is another person like you. Let's say even a clone, a carbon copy of yourself, with the same beliefs and everything. Where would you meet yourself?
You wouldn't, because you're not putting yourself out there. Because your other self also can't deal with sifting through all the bullshit. You're never going to find your other self, because you're both not taking the risk to get to know people.
It's a self-fulfilling prophecy. People that are like you also don't want to meet people. The simple, only solution, is to do it anyway. You will find people like yourself, people you like, even in your own country. If your own country is really shitty, yeah, it might be harder, but I am very sure not impossible. Moving may still be a good idea, because location definitely makes it easier.