Ask Lemmy

10 years together. She was upfront about her long-term goal of never having children, and I was upfront about how I felt at the time, which was "meh, I could go either way."

We met while I was diving into the depths of alcoholism. My first (and only) DUI was when we'd been seeing each other for a couple months, They wanted me to pay $300 or spend a few nights in jail, I said "Lemme text my girl so she can feed my cat."

I broke up with her a few times, but kept coming back because she was the most beautiful woman I'd ever met, and we did genuinely care for each other. I said "I'm moving across country, you can come or you can stay," She came. I proposed a couple years later. We married a few years after that.

I finally got sober, and immediately knew that we didn't belong together. My alcoholism told me I wasn't good enough to be a father, but I truly do want to be one. We had become roommates, neither one of us really sharing emotionally or physically. I remember how terrible I felt, when we'd be in the same room, and instead of talking to each other, we'd baby talk to our (amazing, wonderful) little dog instead. I remember feeling so jealous of that dog, because she was so physically affectionate with her, and never (ever) me.

This is an aside, but, For our entire relationship together, the only thing I ever really asked for, was a giant cookie for my birthday. It's a family tradition, and I love them. 10 years I asked for a simple $7.99 giant cookie from the grocery store, with a Happy Birthday message, and for 10 years, she never did it. I did everything for her, took care of everything. The car, the house, the groceries, her health care, her mental healthcare... I realized that's all she wanted, was a caretaker.

Well, it came to a head one night when we were randomly talking openly, and she told me the only reason she slept with me was so I wouldn't leave her. When I sobered up, I started a mental clock of two years, and told her what I needed from her, and gave her those 2 years to fix it. She didn't, so after two years, I told her we weren't right together and we split up. I cried, so much. It was awful. I still very much love her, but, I was right. We just weren't meant for each other.

It's been 5 years since then, and I've been having trouble finding my person. I went to therapy, went HARD in therapy, really worked on myself. Got better physically, mentally, have a much better job, and just recently started texting a woman that lives a thousand miles away in Texas. She's beautiful just like my ex-wife is, except she wants to have kids.

Pray for me, bros, I really like her, and don't want to mess this up.