(Picture to get some good vibes going)
Lately I'm not quite enjoyable for those around me.
I got quite a bit on my plate and I have trouble winding down. Not gonna bother with the details but let's say life isn't always as smooth sailing. To the point where I'm quite grumpy at the slightest inconvenience.
I'm trying to narrow it down to:
-I'm always "on". Call me late to the party but the last years with everything coming to light about how this world is truly run. I can't fully enjoy and let go anymore. Not while knowing there's genocide going on at the hands of a few billionaire scumbags. (Stop following the news? I don't know if I can)
-too much to do: I have quite a list of stuff to do that just doesn't seem to let off. Today I did some long overdue cleaning in the hobbyspace and still it only made a dent.
-and finally: meds. I'm currently only taking half my adhd meds, and I don't take them on off days (to cut costs and to go easy on my heart). Is that maybe a thing? Inconsistency?
I used to kinda live past my adhd blindspots, but nowadays they're very upfront and it's confronting. ("I was suposed to do X and forgot to do Y, and that stings").
Not ADHD, but I'm mental health adjacent. So I'll give you a boost instead of clinical advice.
I too have fucked around with meds and other substances and always regret it. Typically I hurt someone I love and regret gets me to rebound.
If you feel stable and good on the right dose, you need to keep to it. That's sounds impossible when you're unmedicated or wabbling through difficulties. But you have to fixate on the past you and pull yourself back into a routine, baby steps.
Irritability is your brain struggling with a chemical change or just beating yourself up and projecting self hate outward. It won't last, you can get there.
One unifying thing with mental health suffers is we all get a backseat to physical alignments. The only way we can do any of this is supporting each other.
NAMI is a great nonprofit and resource.
https://www.nami.org/living-with-a-mental-health-condition/getting-help-paying-for-medications/