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Autistic safe person breakup (lemmy.world)
submitted 1 day ago by Capitanmaroon@lemmy.world to c/autism@lemmy.world
35 comments fedilink hide all child comments

Hey, I know that all relationships are different and I'm not looking for direct advice, but just curious as to how other people have experienced this.

My partner has audhd and has said many times that I am their safe person. They struggle making friends and don't have much of a family so (to me) a lot of pressure has fallen on me in that role.

I am looking to step away from the relationship but whenever I talk to my partner, she follows our conversations with a meltdown and says she doesn't have a safe person and doesn't feel safe any more.

Can anyone explain their experiences with this and things that may have been helpful or things that made it worse?

Thank you

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[-] modem_down@thebrainbin.org 10 points 1 day ago 
You just slip out the back, Jack.
Make a new plan, Stan.
You don't need to be coy, Roy,
Just get yourself free.
Hop on the bus, Gus,
You don't need to discuss much.
Just drop off the key, Lee,
And get yourself free.

In all seriousness, I’d suggest promising specific regular occasions when you’d be happy to meet your ex as a friend, so that they aren’t left entirely without friendship and without events to look forward to. First Saturday afternoon of each month for the next 12 months, or some such.

I’d also recommend contacting a local autism support group who might be able to check in with your ex periodically to help them recover and move on. Ideally, they’d hang out with your ex right after each time your ex sees you, to help take your ex’s mind off you.

[-] clay_pidgin@sh.itjust.works 3 points 1 day ago

Out of curiosity, why are some of the words in your comment differently colored?

[-] dejected_warp_core@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago

i can answer this. the triple-backtick block assumes you're writing in program code, like Javascript. The wild-looking highlighting follows most code syntax.

https://markdowncheatsheet.com/reference/code-blocks

[-] clay_pidgin@sh.itjust.works 2 points 22 hours ago

I didn't recognize it as a code block without code! Makes perfect sense.

[-] modem_down@thebrainbin.org 2 points 1 day ago

wild-looking highlighting

Interesting. I'm not seeing anything wild-looking in my comment.

[-] elephantium@lemmy.world 4 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)
[-] november@piefed.blahaj.zone 2 points 1 day ago

It looks like your instance is automatically assuming everything inside a preformatted block is some kind of code.

[-] modem_down@thebrainbin.org 3 points 1 day ago

All the text in my previous comment is black, at least on my screen.

Do you mean the song lyrics, which have a grey background? If so, that's because I used Markdown's preformatted text block feature, so the newlines would be in the right places.

[-] LavaPlanet@sh.itjust.works 0 points 1 day ago

Yeah, but nah, she's engaged a rule for herself that her safety is reliant on external factors, it's a consistent loop of evoking fight or flight. It's enabling to continue a relationship in any form, op actually needs to entirely cut cords. Then ex can see she can survive without op, invalidating said rule. But that will take therapy and guidance, so definitely engaging mental health services. But absolutely nope tf out of there, op. Zero contact, go.

[-] modem_down@thebrainbin.org 1 points 5 hours ago

op actually needs to entirely cut cords. Then ex can see she can survive without op

That seems an unnecessarily impatient and risky suggestion, if the ex is as unwell/fragile as OP indicated; it risks ex committing self-harm or worse.

this post was submitted on 01 Sep 2026
69 points (100.0% liked)

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