It's been a good time since I've done a reread but as I remember in the books Dany's experiences with Drogo are unfortunately critical in forming her character. She's essentially sold into slavery by her brother and it is the driving reason why she goes on an emancipation crusade across the continent. The first scene in the book is the most graphic and in the moment. From there on her abuse is increasingly alluded to without giving a specific play by play. And each time her POV is revisited, it's of her carving out more room in that relationship by the limited means she's afforded. I could see it if Martin was increasingly putting her in those situations, but Dany's story is very much her insuring the she and no one else is put in that same predicament.

Writing a graphic scene depicting rape doesn't necessarily make Martin a fetishist towards it. You take umbrage that there are sexual elements in the depiction, but it's an act of sexual violence. It is both inherently sexual and violent. But what are the indications that it's something Martin himself enjoyed?

Theon's mutilation happens once. Varys exists as a eunuch, but it isn't an event you visit.

Sorry, but I don't see it as something Martin is revisiting over and over. If anything he's removing his main character from those situations as the story progresses. Unless I'm forgetting a character other than Dany? I mean rape is an element in the books, but it's only with Dany that you're actually brought into the moment.