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The FBI Doubles Down on Easing ‘Bestiality’ Hiring Standards
(www.wired.com)
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this post was submitted on 17 Sep 2026
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Scene opens on a group of new recruits wearing FBI uniforms.
Camera pans out, it's an animal shelter.
Camera pans out further, the man speaking is Kash Patel in a gimp suit.
Here at the "Friends of Beastiality Institute", we take not asking or telling very seriously, and my thing is definitely bleeeeep*
Scene cuts to disclaimer of no animals being hurt.
Disclaimer ends. As we return to the scene with the recruits, we see Kash zipping up his gimp suit.
"And that, my friends, was consensual."
Cut to dog wearing a bee suit and smoking a cigarette....
"live from New York, Kash fucks dogs!"
Space Ghost: "So how was it working with Lassie?"
Triumph the Insult Dog: "If by worked with you mean 'banged up the ass,' it was great."
SG: "Whoa. You can say that on TV? Huh, well I, too, once banged a dog up the a-"
technical difficulties message
SG: "Well how was I supposed to know I couldn't say it?!"
... Moltar appears on-screen
"I thought I recognized you! We both were foced to hench for an obscure Canadian comedy group in 1997! How's it meltin', yo?"