Vegetarians need more campaign skills. Really gotta convince the pepperoni people that their meat is played out.

Like, really, what's so great about meat on a pizza? Especially pepperoni. Pepperoni is so played out. I could see like, maybe Buffalo chicken, or barbecue chicken, or sausage + peppers...but pepperoni? We gonna go to Starbucks after and get a PSL?

Not to mention, we had pepperoni last time and we all got sick, remember? We were stuck at home for like a whole year.

Anyways as a vegetarian, my vote would be for the Mediterranean pizza anyways. With the feta, spinach, kamalata olives...this place even puts on a balsamic drizzle. Way more interesting and flavorful.

That's a good pizza. Variety of flavors. Pretends to be healthy and exotic. Not available at Chuck E. Cheese.

See, this way, not only did I pitch the preferred pizza, I also introduced additional contenders on the other side of the aisle. This will hopefully serve to split the vote enough to force a run-off. It'd probably still be between Pepperoni and Mediterranean, but now, hopefully enough of the Never-Peppers will realize that Pepperoni is the basic-bitch of meats, and if they can't have buffalo then why even have meat?

Unfortunately, the vegan is like "Fuck all ya'll, all of these options are supporting animal genocide, how could I vote for any of these?" and abstains, and manages to convince another Never-Pepper stand alone choosing salads for everyone. And then the rest of us all end up with Pepperoni. Again. And everyone gets heartburn, while me and the vegan starve. And the pigs still get slaughtered, and the cows still get raped, and we end up supporting the animal genocide even more. And the following year, the salad has cyclospora.

Happens all the damn time.