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Hi all, I've been thinking about this a while and to be honest I'm a bit confused about it.

I'm a cis gay(?) guy and basically I want to know, is it ok to be attracted to trans women but not cis women? I'm worried that this separation might be considered invalidating?

Also I don't know what label to use for my own sexuality in this case, but maybe labels aren't always straightforward or all that important

Thank you :3

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[-] Rhaedas@fedia.io 6 points 6 days ago

I don't have an answer for you outside of just saying that labels in any context can limit yourself. Humans like to categorize things, we don't like chaos, but some things don't fit neatly in the boxes we create for them. And that's okay, you can be partially in different boxes.

Attraction is like that - you like what you like, for whatever reasons that maybe you don't even understand. But there's no "invalidation" of anything. It just makes it hard to explain to other people perhaps. But so what.

As a straight male, I don't get why gay men like other men. I understand lesbians, because they like what I like, so there's common ground. Trans people I also have trouble understanding, not because I think they're weird, but because I don't have their frame of reference to relate to. But I'm totally fine with them figuring out how to make their body match their feelings, I get that part, even if I don't share it.

Maybe it's the male aspects of some trans women that are still present as they change? Maybe something else entirely?

[-] applebusch@lemmy.blahaj.zone 9 points 6 days ago

cishet men and lesbians definitely dont like the same things lol. superficially we both like women, but the vibe of lesbians is way different. a lot of it is hormonal differences, but a lot is also inherent. before i or anyone else knew i was trans i was way more into lesbians and bi women than straight women, like straight women arent even attractive to me most of the time.

[-] Rhaedas@fedia.io 3 points 6 days ago

Well, that basic is what I was going for, obviously the dynamics are different in a relationship. But that helps my point more, there aren't simple categories, people like different things that sometimes overlap with others, and there's nothing wrong with that just because it doesn't fit in a label.

this post was submitted on 30 Sep 2026
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