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Dating advice
(lemmy.nz)
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this post was submitted on 09 Oct 2026
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I swear some women are as clueless about men as men are about women. I'm sure huge amount of this is because schools insist that sexed is gender separated.
Why is wearing glasses and pyjamas supposed to be a turn-off?
You know when women go on about how they have to have a different dress for every party, it is literally only women the care. Men aren't going to even notice if you're wearing the same thing two dates in a row. The catty comments come from other women. As a man I don't have nice clothes, I just have clothes. If we're going on a date I'm just going to be wearing clothes, I don't have special items that I only wear on a date so I am really not going to mind if you don't either.
I had an ex at one time who would get mad that I didn't check out other women.
Like, she would assume I was doing it, but then when she realized I wasn't it would turn into a fight about how I'm not and every guy does.
When I'm in a relationship I really don't have eyes for anyone else. The need to find someone just kinda turns off.
She would also get mad and start a fight whenever I said she looked good without makeup, because I was a liar.
After that relationship, self confidence became a huge checkbox I reviewed before entering any possible relationship.
I hate makeup.... i have told my wife for over a decade that I dont care for it and it looks worse in my opinion. She has mostly stopped wearing it or will do a small amount for big parties and thats it. She tells me to this day she doesnt believe me though and all I can say is that's super sad.
Maybe she likes to wear makeup for herself?
Nope, this one was directly from growing up in a home where her own mother basically brainwashed her kids into a lot of things, and the idea of makeup being the only way to truly feel beatiful was one of them. Convinced her that it's what guys want her entire life umong other things...
Obviously if it was something sbe enjoyed doing and liked it as a hobby then yeah go for it. This was definitely not that though and was truly shocked when finding out it was not a necessity and for the most part something not all men find attractive.
Also she still wears it, just on special occasions instead of every day which was crazy to me to put in all that time. Also uses way less as well when she does. Im pretty sure she was relieved even if she doesn't truly believe me. Some parents really suck...
That’s a relief that she isn’t being asked to suppress something she enjoys and that you’re reinforcing that it’s safe for her to be as she wants to be. Thanks for expanding on your story and for being a good husband :)
Wellll, I don't know if I would go that far haha. We are currently in the middle of a divorce. Nothing related to this of course. But we have been unhappy and trying for a few years now and finally said enough recently. 13 years and soon to be starting over. From what I see it's crazy out there. I may just take the easy route and stay single for the remainder of my life lol.
Oh I feel you, fellow divorcee. The two of you were successful for a long time!
It’s a little crazy, but it’s also fun and wild and different and deep and full of laughter if you approach it simply as being curious about other people and not so much on finding a soul mate. Staying single and dating yourself is real nice, too, definitely don’t underestimate that either :)
I feel this way as well! I was very late to the game so I know all to well what it was like to date myself. I never had any dates or experience with another woman until I met her and that was at 25. I loved the freedom I had prior, but I also wanted to experience being with someone. I guess I got my wish! At least now that I know way more I already kind of know what I want going forward. I will love the freedom again and the ability to do what I want whenever I want more than anything.
Knowing what I know now I have a lot more to look for in a person and knowing how hard it was to even find someone the first time I have my doubts that will ever happen haha. At least this time I will absolutely be ok with being single forever! If I ever persue another person it will be at least 1 if not 2 years after this is finalized.
Agreed.
My wife has never worn makeup and she is, in my eyes, the most beautiful woman I've ever laid eyes on, flaws especially.
I agree with ya. Wanna get a 'lil fancy with it? Eye shadow, eyeliner, lipstick, and you're good to go. I love my black women ✨***𝓝𝓪𝓽𝓾𝓻𝓪𝓵𝓮.***✨
Dude no shade. But also not all dudes are the same.
For example, I care what a girl wears. I don't care if she wears it many times, but I care if she dresses nicely and works on looking nice. Also I have multiple suits, different clothes for sports, work, camping etc.
I'm kind of in between you two… I find people attractive when they appear to be comfortable in their own skin. If that's in a hoodie and ripped jeans and combat boots, hell yeah. If she's a "girly girl" and you can tell she just really genuinely enjoys dolling up and having everything look on point, also hell yeah.
Hell yeah.
It's again like most Lemmy (and the bad R users) can only exist in black and in white. Absolutely no shade inbetween >_>.
Yeah but PJs are sexy. If she is comfortable wearing pyjamas around me that's great in my opinion. I'm unclear about how exactly this is supposed to be something I would be turned off by, and why that is therefore "a filter".
You're allowed to have preferences, but I don't understand how you're having difficulty understanding that other people can have preferences different from your own.
I like when people dress up differently for different contexts. Pajamas can be sexy in some settings, but look sloppy in other settings. I'm not asking people to follow my preferences, but I am asking that you be open to the idea that these other preferences exist.
Congrats you would pass her test.
She's gorgeous, university educated, funny, but I can't believe she'd wear those shoes to 2 consecutive social gatherings! No way I'm touching that pussy now.
Technically true since I wasn't gunna get to touch the pussy before, either.
It could be an “empowerment” issue.
Dresses and fancy preparation are empowering. They show that this person manages their life well and is successful. That of course all sounds positive. Only problem is, to someone struggling with that issue, it can be intimidating.
I struggle to find a good way to express this, but guys like myself since school have grappled with a perception that women “have more social power than them”. Even if the guy isn’t a total loser with a rented home that consists of a TV and a pillow, girls are viewed as a pedestal-standing respected social icon by comparison. That’s definitely not universally actually true, but under young hormones it seems that way.
Hence why pajamas, glasses, or to extend further: VTuber streamers that joke about failing basic life skills, or not showering that week, are often a successful endeavor. They show someone more humanized, disempowered and flawed. Question is whether a woman is okay with accepting a bit of that debasement to put someone at ease.
It doesn't have to feel like a debasement to her - depends on the woman. And yep, appearing approachable can be a winning strategy.
I have a nicer sort of clothes in my whole garderobe but only like one or two dress shirts or not too casual looking shirts and polo tshirts. That's it.
Try being a woman for a change and maybe you’ll understand it bud.
Yep I'll get right on that. Sex change operation might have to wait until Monday though.