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Going through a painful breakup rn
(thelemmy.club)
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this post was submitted on 09 Oct 2026
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Relationship Advice
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Was our breakup my fault? If I had been less emotionally dependent and given him more space, would he have stayed and been faithful. One more personal thing after I caught him cheating, I begged him to stay and offered to be intimate with him for the first time. He initially said no, but later agreed. We were intimate for two days, and after he went back to his city, he told me he hadn’t actually wanted to but had done it because he didn’t want me to feel bad about him leaving just for ... He also said he didn’t really enjoy it, and that hurt me a lot.
Also, I humbly suggest you try to stop thinking about this in terms of what you could have done differently. The likely answer to that is "nothing". Most likely this is about who you are and who he is.
We learn by trying and succeeding or failing. He tried really loving you and found something missing. It's just as likely that he is still missing what he needs in himself as it is that he didn't find what he needed in the match.
Yes you're right. I think deep down, I have this feeling that he didn't love me as much as I loved him. If he truly loved me, I keep wondering why he repeatedly threatened to leave me and left me crying all those nights, begging him to stay and unable to sleep. And why would he cheat and sext other girls while being in a relationship with me? I know I'll never fully understand what was going on in his mind, but it's so hard to accept that someone I loved so deeply could make those choices.
To a certain extent here, I am assuming he was honestly trying. There's always the chance he really is just an asshole who was being manipulative.
All I can say is that when people get stressed out they start doing mean things to each other. I have to think some of these things are things he did not to be mean, but because he didn't know healthy ways to end things or get space, so he was unkind instead.
I don't really know the whole story here, I am making some guesses based on my own history, my own relationship mistakes. I can never truly have the right answer here. If I'm lucky, some of the things I say may help you figure out that it's possible to care about someone and still not have it work out, just because everyone is still learning.
Thank you for being honest with me and sharing your perspective. I understand that you don't know the whole story, and I appreciate you trying to help me see things differently. I know it's possible to care about someone and still be incompatible, and I can accept that we both made mistakes. I think what hurts me most is the cheating and how suddenly his words changed. I keep wondering how someone who was talking about fighting for our future minutes earlier could turn around and treat me that way. I'm trying to understand things without blaming myself for everything, and your replies have genuinely helped me reflect on that.
We all learn and make mistakes. As is usually the case, I suspect you were both at fault. You both tried too hard to make something you imagined real.
He is just as guilty for not sticking up for himself as you may be for pushing. You may have asked him to keep trying, but he's the one that said ok when I suspect he didn't really want to.
It always hurts when it ends but I hope you take some comfort in knowing he probably did it because he thought you were someone worth sacrificing for.
This was clearly a lesson he had to learn the hard way. I'm sorry he ended up hurting you in the process.
But if he felt guilty about not wanting to continue, why did he repeatedly leave me crying, begging him to stay, and unable to sleep? He was the one who told me I was his choice and that he could change his choice. Just minutes before I caught him cheating, he was talking about fighting for us, but after I confronted him, he smirked and told me to leave because now I had a valid reason to break up with him. He even said I was the reason for everything and that I was no longer his priority. Then, just 14 days after our breakup, he sent a gift to a girl he had a crush on a year ago on her birthday...lol i was a fool in love ignoring all those red flags...