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Going through a painful breakup rn (thelemmy.club)
submitted 3 days ago by Rush@thelemmy.club to c/relationship_advice@lemmy.world
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My ex and I were together for around 1.5 years in an LDR. He had tried to break up with me around 4 times before, but I would plead with him and he would come back, tell me he loved me, and talk about our future and marriage.

This September, he came to meet me, and that's when I found out he had been using a dating app, swiping on women, sexting at least one woman, and sharing his WhatsApp, Telegram and Instagram with girls. He said there was no physical connection, but I still consider it cheating.

He also told me that his family was his responsibility while I was a choice, and that he could change his choice but couldn't leave his responsibility.

What confuses me is that before all this, he was still talking about our future and marriage and acting committed. Now I'm trying to understand what actually happened and how much of the relationship had already changed from his side.

I also pushed away a close friend becnause my ex had issues with him. I became distant, blocked him and eventually ghosted him because I was so focused on my relationship. After the breakup, I finally reached out to that friend, but he saw my messages and didn't reply.

Now I feel like I lost a genuine friend because I gave so much of myself to a relationship that ended anyway. Most people don't know about the cheating, so they probably think we simply broke up because we were incompatible and I was too dependent.

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[-] mrcleanup@lemmy.world 2 points 2 days ago

We all learn and make mistakes. As is usually the case, I suspect you were both at fault. You both tried too hard to make something you imagined real.

He is just as guilty for not sticking up for himself as you may be for pushing. You may have asked him to keep trying, but he's the one that said ok when I suspect he didn't really want to.

It always hurts when it ends but I hope you take some comfort in knowing he probably did it because he thought you were someone worth sacrificing for.

This was clearly a lesson he had to learn the hard way. I'm sorry he ended up hurting you in the process.

[-] Rush@thelemmy.club 1 points 2 days ago

But if he felt guilty about not wanting to continue, why did he repeatedly leave me crying, begging him to stay, and unable to sleep? He was the one who told me I was his choice and that he could change his choice. Just minutes before I caught him cheating, he was talking about fighting for us, but after I confronted him, he smirked and told me to leave because now I had a valid reason to break up with him. He even said I was the reason for everything and that I was no longer his priority. Then, just 14 days after our breakup, he sent a gift to a girl he had a crush on a year ago on her birthday...lol i was a fool in love ignoring all those red flags...

this post was submitted on 09 Oct 2026
14 points (79.2% liked)

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