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Bread ruler
(lemmy.nz)
Sounds about right :P
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this post was submitted on 15 Oct 2026
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It's the patriarchy, but this is also perpetrated by many women unfortunately. Men being bread winners is pretty widely seen as the default
Actually expecting a relationship to have strict roles though, makes you a bit of an asshole
Yeah, there are women out there that are completely comfortable with their spot, because it excuses them from taking responsibility. I can understand that somehow. If you were raised with the expectation that the hard and shitty parts of life as a salaryman are nothing you have to bother yourself with, and never were in the situation where these conditions threatened your safety or wellbeing because your partner is a fucking bastard (or in some cases even IF your partner is a full-blown fuckwad, thanks to the economical predicament you are now in), the proposition of completely taking charge of your own life might be a scary one, and this would cause them to argue for such a system.
And we can't forget that men are still raised mainly by women, who then implant the same ideas that lead to their predicament into their children. Depending on how you were raised, expecting strict gender roles doesn't make you an asshole, but it is just an extension of the values imprinted on you (Thinking for yourself of course will modify that, but it won't be able to erase all of it, especially in a society that perpetuates the same values)
Emancipation starts with women teaching their children why the current way of doing things is bad.
Men aren’t raised to do the things expected of a house. Mine cries about vacuuming “who vacuums this often! (Your mom did ffs)” Doesnt cook, cleans like shit, barely does the laundry but never puts it away.
Meanwhile I work like a slave everyday while he plays video games. I am the breadwinner lol I am the bread maker entirely.
So, there’s other problems with flipping the script. Now I want a woman!
Yeah, how men are raised makes a whole lot of a difference. I am not immune to this, but i also acknowledge it.
I have always been a messy guy (actually, in my 20s i would have qualified as a real messie, with only small paths allowing free movement in the apartment). With a lot of therapy i am now able to keep my living space in an acceptable condition (as in "random people can spontaneously come over and i dont have to drown in shame"), but while living with my siginificant other, i struggled a lot with the level of organization and cleanliness she expected (because she grew up in a pretty much upper class household, while i came from a home marred by low income and overwhelmed, inexperienced parents).
For me and my psychiatric issues it was too much to be able to keep up. I really tried as hard as i could, but this really was outside of what i actually could achieve, and the harder i tried, the more i failed - not out of not wanting to do my part, but out of the desperation of knowing that could not keep that up the whole time. It actually caused me to be LESS helpful - the pressure paralyzed me. In many cases i did not even realize something was to be done, because it would have been fine by my standards.
I worked hard on myself to keep the pace, but in the end all my issues (addiction, personality disorder, severe depression, chronic pain) weighted a lot on the relationship, and we separated. Actually, now that i am on my own, things work a lot more smoothly for me - i am in a cycle of "a bit messy" and "very clean" with a cycle time of about 2 weeks, and i am fine with that, but it would never have been for my ex. I am now much closer to something i can deal with long term tho, and that's the most important thing for me personally.
I always aspired towards a relationship where we shared the load, but sadly my capability to do so is not very pronounced. It's one of the reasons why i do not seek to get into a new relationship at all, and i doubt this will ever change again. I am not made for long-term cohabitation. That's valid, but also something that people have to realize for themselves in a world that places so much value on "settling down".