Fuck. That sounds about right. I've been really struggling after catching the damn thing three times. Nasty flu for a few days, followed by half a year of depression every damn time. And even after that I constantly had a terrible brain-fog, lack of motivation, like I was just half there, days passing in an instant without notice.

A few months back that suddenly popped and I was free for the first time in a loooong while, even felt genuinely good occasionally. Hell, I was already convinced that I'll never get better, but I did.

But just a few weeks ago I remembered the feeling of elation, like when you're watching an awesome movie or at a concert and your whole being is filled with delight that makes life worth living and I realised I haven't felt that way in years. That I no longer seem to really live through these moments. I can understand that I'm having fun on an intellectual level. I am having fun. But I don't feel it nearly as much as I used to.

I began to wonder if something inside of me is just fundamentally broken, and reading this, that could very well be it.