Fuck. That sounds about right. I've been really struggling after catching the damn thing three times. Nasty flu for a few days, followed by half a year of depression every damn time. And even after that I constantly had a terrible brain-fog, lack of motivation, like I was just half there, days passing in an instant without notice.

A few months back that suddenly popped and I was free for the first time in a loooong while, even felt genuinely good occasionally. Hell, I was already convinced that I'll never get better, but I did.

But just a few weeks ago I remembered the feeling of elation, like when you're watching an awesome movie or at a concert and your whole being is filled with delight that makes life worth living and I realised I haven't felt that way in years. That I no longer seem to really live through these moments. I can understand that I'm having fun on an intellectual level. I am having fun. But I don't feel it nearly as much as I used to.

I began to wonder if something inside of me is just fundamentally broken, and reading this, that could very well be it.

Just wait till they find out about gooning.

mid 2020 to late 2021 there was a grumpy aura everywhere, but always attributed to inconvenient rules

The correlation is certainly worth researching further, but I don't think this is sufficient to prove causality.

I mean sure, pile that on. But lack of motivation is not what absolutely crushes me whenever I try to move my muscles or brain too much. If it were just motivation the daily walks my idiot doctor prescribed wouldn't have made me unable to walk.