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this post was submitted on 06 Nov 2026
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Transfem
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That's not what I'm saying though, like my response to the other comment said a hypothetical person who has never been attracted to a trans person wouldn't be transphobic. The internalized transphobia comes into play if they are attracted to a trans person, and then lose that attraction once learning they're trans. Those are very different scenarios, and one is transphobic. No trans person is trying to force cis people to date us, that's stupid.
It’s not so easy to define though. Gender reassignment has gotten so good that it’s impossible to tell. Which is an amazing thing! However, there are people that have preferences based on criteria they set that determine and influence both who they find attractive, and what situations they are willing to accept in a mate. For instance, I personally don’t like country music. Am I a southphobe? A redneckist? No, but I don’t want to be in a relation with someone that listens to it. It’s not my thing. Yet I am not hateful towards those that enjoy it and in-fact, have many friends that love it.
Now imagine I’m on a date, and it comes up during dinner that they love country music. It’s going to be a no for me. That doesn’t make me hateful.
That some people don’t want their mate to have been assigned the same gender as them isn’t transphobia. It’s just a preference. He doesn’t want to deal with her having once been the same gender as him. That is HIS preference. And it is okay. If he is not hateful, or disrespectful, I’d say it’s not transphobia.
But I’m not the authority on the subject. I’m just trying to add some nuance to the topic. Nothing more.
But what about being trans specifically makes someone potentially less attractive. With country music its a difference in music taste. What fundamental thing do trans people have that causes a loss of attraction. The only thing you keep saying is because of their asab. That's what's transphobic, it is treating a trans person as different than a cis person because of the fact they're trans.
IDK what else I can say to drive home the fact that seeing a trans person as unattractive because of how they were assigned at birth is just a woke way of saying they aren't really their gender, which is the most basic type of transphobia.
You seem to be making “attractive” a catch all for everything that supports your point here.
At the end of the day, someone can chose to not date a transgender person without being a transphobe. Just like I can chose not to date someone that is 7 feet tall without saying they’re ugly.
It’s okay to not be into someone for whatever reason you’re not into them. This guy was not obligated to date her from the beginning.
Again, no one is saying anyone is obligated to date anyone. I've repeatedly said the opposite this whole time.
That being said, dating preferences or choosing not to date someone can be rooted in bigotry. Idk if you're arguing the opposite, but dating preferences aren't some thing that's magically immune from being bigoted. As an extreme example, a Nazi could refuse to date any non-aryan and that's obviously because of the fact they're a Nazi. A person could be into Latinas because they fetishize them, that's rooted in bigotry. And a person can refuse to date a trans person because of the fact they're trans and that can be bigoted.
All the examples you've been giving are things people don't face widespread discrimination for, which makes them not equivalent. And no one said anything about the date calling the girl ugly either?
But if a person doesn't date a trans person because they're trans they need a really good reason to justify it to make me not assume they have some level of internalized transphobia.
Okay. You have clearly made up your mind that this is factually and unarguably transphobic so I’m going to step out of the discussion. It seems, nuance has no place here.