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Is there an easy method to know the self assigned IP address of the other machine if it's run as headless?
The only methods I can think of is using something like Wireguard to see what IP addresses are talking, or ping all 32k IP addresses to see which responds.
You mean Wireshark? It's possible. You might even capture the DHCP exchange.
The two best programs for the job are
nmapandarp-scan.Nmap is like ping on steroids. You can use it for network discovery, port scanning, fingerprinting, and basic pentesting. As long as the pi can talk to the computer,
nmapwill sniff it out.ARP-scan works on the data link layer to identify hosts using ARP. It should be able to return the IP address of all ethernet devices even if they end up in different subnets. It took me a little over two minutes to scan a /16 subnet with one retry and 0.1 second timeout.
If you are really concerned about the pi's address, you should run a local DHCP server on the laptop.
dnsmasqfor Linux and Mac, but I have no idea what to use on Windows (other than a VM bridged to the ethernet interface).The poster you're replying to is suggesting a static IP in the apipa range, not an apipa assigned ip. You'd already know a static IP because you set it yourself.