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Women Should Just Be Honest (sh.itjust.works)
submitted 2 years ago by otter_band@sh.itjust.works to c/comicstrips@lemmy.world
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[-] li10@feddit.uk 90 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

I feel like this is very dismissive and also ignores that lots of relationships do inevitably start with vague signals.

“Yeah, well, women have it worse so your feelings are irrelevant and it’s okay if they ghost you.”

As I said in my original comment, I get it. But it doesn’t take away from the fact that it’s a difficult situation for men.

Being dismissive of men’s feelings and not letting them talk about how dating is difficult for them isn’t helping anyone.

[-] mbgid@lemmy.world 48 points 2 years ago

I didn't intend to be dismissive and if my response sounded that way then I apologise.

I agree it's difficult to be on the receiving end of vague signals, but my perspective is if there's any annoyance or frustration it should be directed at the violent/angry men who have caused women to feel unsafe.

Helping women feel safer by tackling the violence and misogyny directed at them by men will benefit everyone.

[-] intensely_human@lemm.ee 7 points 2 years ago

The main thing for me is to remember it’s not personal. When a stranger treats me as a potential threat, it is not an insult to my character.

Being treated as a threat by someone who knows my character, is an insult to my character.

But when a stranger models me as a stranger, it’s not personal at all. It’s not about me. Not a reflection of who I am.

[-] Ookami38@sh.itjust.works 31 points 2 years ago

It's also dismissive of the fact that a lot of women give vague signs as their signs of interest. It's really just a damned if you do or don't situation. Either you interpret the vague signals as disinterest and move on, or you read them as a potential go ahead and you're a dick.

[-] intensely_human@lemm.ee 3 points 2 years ago

Trying to live so that nobody ever sees you as an asshole is a recipe for depression and regret.

[-] Ookami38@sh.itjust.works 1 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

But that's just circular. Girls can't be direct because guys are assholes. Guys can't be direct because they don't want to be assholes. If standards for one must change, guys being ok with being assholes but being direct with their assertions, then so too must the other change standards, i.e. being direct with their signs.

[-] intensely_human@lemm.ee 2 points 2 years ago

I didn’t say to be okay with being an asshole.

[-] Ookami38@sh.itjust.works 1 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

Trying to live so that nobody ever sees you as an asshole is a recipe for depression and regret.

How, else do you interpret that? Assuming that depression and regret are things to be avoided, then saying living so that no one sees you as an asshole = depression would mean that, if you want to avoid depression, you necessarily have to be an asshole. I suppose you can be an asshole without being ok with it.

[-] jjjalljs@ttrpg.network 20 points 2 years ago

I think there's three main reasons for vague signals.

  1. They legitimately don't know how they feel. Maybe they kind of like you but aren't sure. Recommended: do not pursue. Find someone who is enthusiastic about you. Do you really want to spend your time with someone who can't make decisions and doesn't know how they feel? It's exhausting.

  2. They are afraid or uncomfortable, and are trying to avoid upsetting you. Like the comic. Enough men will do just that or worse if they get rejected that being polite can seem safer, even if it makes me man feel like he's getting mixed signals. You know you're not like that, but they don't. Recommended: same as above.

2b. You are talking to someone who can't leave like a retail worker. Stop bothering the person who can't tell you to fuck off.

  1. They aren't thinking about you at all. Like one time they're happy to go bowling with you but the next time they blow you off on biking. What gives?? Mixed signals?? Nah dude she just likes bowling.
[-] candybrie@lemmy.world 18 points 2 years ago

There's also a sort of 1b. They're into you but are playing games like "hard to get." Again, do you really want to be with someone playing games with you? It's exhausting.

[-] ReiRose@lemmy.world 14 points 2 years ago

Love this. Especially 2b. I hated this about working in a cafe.

I'm only talking to you at all because I'm being paid to do so. I'm only smiling because my job is customer service. I'm being nice because you're a fellow human, not because I want you in any way

[-] richieadler@lemmy.myserv.one 9 points 2 years ago

I’m only smiling because my job is customer service.

That in many cases smiling is mandatory is a revolting part of customer service in the US.

this post was submitted on 06 Apr 2024
721 points (80.7% liked)

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