this post was submitted on 11 May 2024
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I did out of curiosity, especially since I've never heard about the first two and "Figma" sounds like a bad attempt at a Ligma joke.
Notion
Tagline:
Plus this gem
Wait I thought X was the everything app.
I scrolled through and I have no idea why anyone would pay for this. It doesn't seem to be able to do anything that a GitLab instance can't and "AI" here just looks like a hook to ChatGPT.
Figma
balls! haha
What the hell does "align" mean here? Align like a
divto be centered? It seems to be a design tool so that's what I assume, but it's a weird thing to focus on.Okay, this at least gives me a product pitch - design tool with real-time sharing like in Google Docs. That sounds actually useful.
... aaand this is just word salad, you lost me.
The rest looks like a regular pitch for a prototype tool for UX, which I think is a pretty specific and useful tool though, so I'm not 100% sure why it'd fit with the theme of the blogpost. Maybe I'm missing something, I never actually dealt with serious UX design.
Slack
This one was I surprised by since I thought I knew what the entire Slack product is - it's a chat. You have channels, direct messages, and pings. That's about it, right?
God what.
The rest is a normal pitch, flexible communications, remote work, channels, etc. But why would you start with AI? Again, Slack is a chat app why would you want gen AI in a chat app?
haha, thanks for this. those three are my go-to "big 3" examples because I'm convinced one of them will acquire and absorb the other two
Slack is already owned by Salesforce. Adobe tried to buy Figma but competition authorities blocked it. Notion is still owned by its founders and funders.
I didn't know about Slack and Salesforce. But, man, what a perfect match of captive userbase softwares
Salesforce is so funny to me cause cloud computing, databases, large datasets, etc. are basically all I do professionally; I've met people from Salesforce, I've seen talks from Salesforce; I'm more-or-less aware of how Tableu works, which they own.
Gun to my head, I would never be able to tell you what the fuck that company sells. For all I can tell it's door-to-door cookie Sales by a Force of girl scouts. I was to their site more than a dozen times, I read through their wiki article, I tried to find out wtf they do, no luck. It's like an SCP monster that erases all prior knowledge of it you had the moment you stop looking. They played everyone for absolute fools.
CRM as a service with a fucking ton of whatever dumb bullshit they think they might be able to sell you on top
the CRM as a service bit more or less works? probably? with work at your end? We use it at the day job and it's like better than not. It's the ultimate boring-but-functional product for enterprises.
I'm sorry, but that is already taken by Excel.
@V0ldek NoNoNo, Excel is *sometimes* useful. For ultimate uselessness, try PowerPoint.
point
now now david, you know you're contractually obligated to say CRM for enterprise. always.
SFDC murderninja squads have been dispatched to ..resolve.. this infraction.
similar to IBM's business really: invoices, lawsuits, and (at meta level) Vibes
Benioff is quite a piece of work
But invoices have to be for something, right? Like IBM has hardware and the best-in-industry vendor lock-in. My alma mater is going to be paying for that IBM Mainframe in the basement that runs the entire fucking school until the Sun itself abandons us.
No, invoices need to be for “something”. There are many, many businesses in this world that make constant bank on bullshit
Your alma mater isn’t paying megabux to support that mainframe itself, relative to IBM’s total income, but I bet you’d find many extras tacked on that make a significant contribution
it's almost like antitrust enforcement would be a good thing
i didn't believe you, but yeah, just learned GitLab has a wiki editor. so yeah, this covers like 95% of the things i once used Notion for. i guess if i want to be pedantic, Notion had database relations between tables that, as the name implies, allowed it to act a bit like an relational database. (e.g. allowing columns of tables to be limited to the values of rows of other tables). admittedly a little cool but in my experience was not much more useful than a simple table
And it's had it at least since 2017, which is before anyone has even heard of Notion.
Selling shit you can have for free, the closed-source business story.
what notion is selling is hosting
this is funny to me because it took Notion until late 2021 to introduce simple, non-database tables (since the database tables were often large, unwieldy, and introduced way too much overhead to just write a simple rows-and-columns spreadsheet, something that's been a thing in GitHub Flavored Markdown since at least 2009
One wonders if one of those ready to go apps in Slack is a Slack app that runs inside of Slack.
The moment someone integrates Slack with Teams and Teams with Slack at the same time a black hole will engulf the Earth. This is the xrisk we should be worried about.
I'm tempted, but im still team moon.
But what if Slack got mad at us?
Ill just uninstall it.