this post was submitted on 17 May 2024
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Food Crimes - Offenses against nutrition

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[–] klemptor@startrek.website 104 points 6 months ago (2 children)

It's about what I would expect from the kind of person who buys squeezy jelly.

[–] Sotuanduso@lemm.ee 14 points 6 months ago (2 children)

I buy squeeze jelly because the campus-affiliated market that I have a meal plan for only sells jelly in squeeze bottles. Though it's nice how it saves a spoon, it's a bit of a pain to operate. Especially the grape flavor.

[–] PunnyName@lemmy.world 11 points 6 months ago

Shake the everliving shit out of it beforehand. Get all your aggression out. And if it's still being ornery, squeeze from the wide side.

[–] Lucidlethargy@sh.itjust.works 9 points 6 months ago (2 children)

A... A spoon? Why not use the knife you're using for the peanut butter?

[–] Sotuanduso@lemm.ee 5 points 6 months ago (9 children)

I guess I've always considered it poor form to let ingredient containers mix at all. The knife is already covered in peanut butter, so putting it in the jelly container would get a bit of peanut butter on the jelly, and that's no good for some reason.

Also because I find it way easier to scoop jelly with a spoon than a knife.

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[–] Deconceptualist@lemm.ee 7 points 6 months ago (2 children)

It's Welch's though which actually tastes good and IIRC is owned by a growers collective not a megacorp.

[–] ILikeBoobies@lemmy.ca 8 points 6 months ago (3 children)

Found this

National Grape Cooperative Association, a co-op of grape growers, since 1956

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[–] 5714@lemmy.dbzer0.com 43 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago) (6 children)

GRAPE-jelly in a squeezy, ketchup-style plastic bottle mixed with plastic bottle peanut butter in a standard-issue IKEA bowl, only then applied between two non-wholegrain, untoasted toasts.

Can someone add a YEAH, a guitar, an eagle and the US-American flag as effects?

[–] ricecake@sh.itjust.works 10 points 6 months ago (3 children)

Nope, that's not American traditional, and you can't put that concoction on us.

Also, it's really a stretch to call peanut butter "infamous sugar cream". It's got like 3g of sugar per 30g peanut butter. That's pretty close to just plain peanuts. It's not Nutella with it's 50% sugar content.
You avoid eating too much peanut butter because peanuts are basically little nuggets of oil with the minimum amount of fiber and protein required for them to be a solid.

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[–] magnetosphere@fedia.io 38 points 6 months ago (4 children)

I put some peanut butter on each slice, to “waterproof” it before applying the jelly. That way, the bread doesn’t get soggy and gross.

That’s as advanced as I get with my PB&J engineering. Forget this mixing nonsense.

[–] pearsaltchocolatebar@discuss.online 15 points 6 months ago (3 children)

Just toast the bread a bit

[–] ricecake@sh.itjust.works 20 points 6 months ago (7 children)

I've found that gets rid of the gentle softness that I'm wanting out of a PBJ.

Grilled peanut butter sandwich is great though, but jelly demands soft and cold.

[–] clay_pidgin@sh.itjust.works 6 points 6 months ago (6 children)

I love a grilled PB+Banana. Like a grilled cheese, fried in butter. They're fantastic!

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[–] jwelch55@lemmy.world 11 points 6 months ago (2 children)

I just eat it faster than it gets soggy

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[–] ampedwolfman@lemmy.world 35 points 6 months ago (5 children)

Every day we stray further from jod.

[–] PunnyName@lemmy.world 14 points 6 months ago

Choosey mons choose GIF

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[–] stoly@lemmy.world 33 points 6 months ago (4 children)

My biggest problem is that bottle of supposed jelly.

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[–] KuraiWolfGaming@pawb.social 26 points 6 months ago (1 children)

Wouldn't be surprised if it actually changed the flavour a bit.

That's one way to make the "secret sauce" for burgers. Just ketchup, yellow mustard, mayo and sometimes relish. Mixing them before adding to the burger changes the taste considerably.

[–] JellyKinder@lemmy.world 16 points 6 months ago (1 children)

My grandma used to mix the PB & J together for me when I was a kid because I didn't like peanut butter. I still kinda like it that way because it reminds me of her.

[–] magnetosphere@fedia.io 19 points 6 months ago

That sounds like a completely acceptable reason to me! Grandmas are awesome!

[–] Emmie@lemm.ee 14 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago) (2 children)

This pic is some dystopic stuff. How can you eat those fake mixtures full of chemistry? Is this what people in USA eat? Even the bread looks like it would never spoil.

[–] PumaStoleMyBluff@lemmy.world 19 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago) (4 children)

https://www.labeladvisor.com/showproduct/?id=31393&section=ingredients

The palm oil is a problem ecologically, but healthwise is actually pretty decent as far as common fats go.

The bread is a shame and there's a lot higher quality available, same with jelly, though the squeeze bottle is convenient.

This kinda bread goes bad in about a week if kept air tight, or a few hours if left out.

https://www.welchs.com/fruit-spreads/concord-grape-jelly/

The jelly is made with corn syrup, but otherwise doesn't contain "scary chemicals". It contains pectin, citric acid, and sodium citrate, which are completely natural things to be in jam or jelly. Pectin is traditionally boiled from apples, citric acid traditionally comes from lemons, sodium citrate is essentially just lemon juice and baking soda.

The only dystopian bits are the corn syrup and the scale these foods are made at. Calling them "fake mixtures full of chemistry" just makes it sound like you don't know that all food is chemistry.

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[–] MrJameGumb@lemmy.world 14 points 6 months ago (8 children)

No one does this. The person who posted that was just trying to make trouble

[–] CarbonIceDragon@pawb.social 17 points 6 months ago (2 children)

My father did this when I was growing up all the time

[–] BroBot9000@lemmy.world 26 points 6 months ago

Yeah he did that right after he came back from getting some milk from the store.

[–] FreshLight@sh.itjust.works 5 points 6 months ago

Sounds like he wanted to start a fight.

[–] MisshapenDeviate@lemmy.dbzer0.com 9 points 6 months ago (1 children)

When we had field trips in early grade school, this is how they served the supplied PB&J's. I guess it kept the jelly from soaking into the bread while the sandwiches sat in a cooler for 4 hours.

[–] Alto@kbin.social 7 points 6 months ago

Yup, it's better for when it's gonna be sitting

Source: I've eaten an ungodly amount of PBJs in my life

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[–] MeDuViNoX@sh.itjust.works 11 points 6 months ago (1 children)

I mix it in my mouth with the bread, like the good Lord intended!

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[–] JoMiran@lemmy.ml 10 points 6 months ago (1 children)

Smucker's Goober be like...

[–] grue@lemmy.world 17 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago) (1 children)

Some mechanical engineer went to a lot of effort to make that shit dispense into the jar in a stripey pattern instead of letting it mix.

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[–] Assman@sh.itjust.works 9 points 6 months ago (1 children)

Never even considered the possibility of doing this.

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[–] Kolanaki@yiffit.net 9 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago)

I did this when Smucker's "Goobers" first came out and my mom wouldn't buy it.

It's just a waste of time; doesn't affect the taste. It is however better than Goobers; it's super weird and almost plastic tasting. They did something to the jelly and use an almost candy-like peanut butter that makes it worse than the cheapest individual PB & J's. Absolutely hated it when I finally got to try it.

[–] ParabolicMotion@lemmy.world 9 points 6 months ago (2 children)

Not a crime. I used to mix peanut butter in my low fat, unflavored, Greek yogurt and then mix in jam. I did this after weight training as a high protein breakfast. The jam just added some flavor and sweetness.

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[–] Tier1BuildABear@lemmy.world 9 points 6 months ago (9 children)

I'll do this every once in a while, this person hardly used any peanut butter though. Either that or the dye in his jelly is crazy, cuz when I do it it ends up looking like a slightly darker peanut butter. Unless I don't mix it enough? Cuz I like leaving little clumps of jelly. But then yeah, you just dip little bits of bread, or crackers, or if you're as insane as I am you just eat it like a snack.

Know what's REALLY insane though? Mixing cottage cheese and applesauce. That shit is delicious.

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[–] cmrn@lemmy.world 8 points 6 months ago (1 children)

If your jam comes in a bottle…

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[–] mlc894@lemm.ee 8 points 6 months ago

I do this - it makes it taste better if you emulsify the jelly into the peanut butter. Qualitative differences ftw!

Skip the jam and mix peanut butter with maple syrup. Works better on pancakes but in a pinch toast will do

[–] HUMAN_TRASH@lemmy.world 5 points 6 months ago

When we were kids, my sister and I used to mix and microwave them

[–] 5714@lemmy.dbzer0.com 5 points 6 months ago

now sell it for 18 usd in a café

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