this post was submitted on 16 Sep 2024
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] Ilovethebomb@lemm.ee 183 points 1 month ago (20 children)

Kinda a dick move by the family actually.

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[–] xantoxis@lemmy.world 107 points 1 month ago (4 children)

Fuck the single cousin? I don't see the problem

[–] sir_pronoun@lemmy.world 66 points 1 month ago (1 children)

This is the 4chan solution

[–] psycho_driver@lemmy.world 13 points 1 month ago

This is the 4chan origin story.

[–] RecluseRamble@lemmy.dbzer0.com 22 points 1 month ago (1 children)

It's not even illegal everywhere

Yeah, it's legal in my state, you just have to be in your 50s and one of you needs to be sterile.

[–] TheBat@lemmy.world 14 points 1 month ago
[–] Thcdenton@lemmy.world 97 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (4 children)

Sounds like a great family

Jokes aside, if you ever feel like killing yourself, don't. Don't let them win.

[–] Damage@feddit.it 52 points 1 month ago

I wonder why Anon has issues finding love, with such a great upbringing

[–] Krauerking@lemy.lol 17 points 1 month ago

Yeah, I find straight up abandoning your shit family is a not completely bad idea.

You'd be surprised at the jobs out there that simply let you get on a train or a boat and simply leave it all behind if you want to.

Just please then don't jump off the back of my boat. The point is that it might be lonelier than guaranteed family but ocean is a bad way to go.

[–] echodot@feddit.uk 6 points 1 month ago

if you ever feel like killing yourself, don't

Oh definitely don't kill yourself, there's absolutely no future in it.

My cousin killed himself and I do not think it helped at all.

[–] hairynipple@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Yea, just put that energy into murdering your aunt.

But make it look like your cousin did it.

[–] xep@fedia.io 44 points 1 month ago (6 children)

someone to call my own

Odd choice of words, is this a common way to refer to a significant other?

[–] bassomitron@lemmy.world 96 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Everything is possessive. My wife, my husband, my girlfriend, my boyfriend, my significant other, etc. "Someone to call my own" isn't really strange; it's not super common, but definitely not that uncommon, either.

[–] cobysev@lemmy.world 53 points 1 month ago (1 children)

it's not super common

I'm 40 years old. This was pretty common to hear when I was a kid. But as the younger generations grow up, the language changes, along with the public mindset. Possessive phrases like this used to be considered romantic because it meant you were desired by someone. In today's culture, it's creepy because it sounds more like someone sees you as a thing to own.

It's actually been a long time since I heard someone use this particular phrase.

[–] FireRetardant@lemmy.world 17 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

I've always understood it as going both ways. Someone you call your own, they also get to have you as their own. I'm all yours, and you're all mine. I've viewed it as a way of expressing desire and commitment.

[–] sugar_in_your_tea@sh.itjust.works 6 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

Exactly. We're in a monogamous relationship and have made legal and spiritual contracts to be faithful with eachother, so it's fair for my SO and I to "own" each other in a sense. That doesn't mean we get to tell each other what to do, it just means we have an expectation that they won't go looking for an outside relationship.

It's like saying "my gym," I have a contract that states I can use their facilities. I don't own that gym, but I do have a certain level of expectations.

[–] officermike@lemmy.world 54 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

There's such a reference in a well-known song, Mr. Sandman

Sandman, I'm so alone

Don't have nobody to call my own

Please turn on your magic beam

Mr. Sandman, bring me a dream

[–] Comment105@lemm.ee 10 points 1 month ago

Or another classic, by none other than Aliaune Damala Bouga Time Puru Nacka Lu Lu Lu Badara Akon "Mr. Lonely" Thiam

I'm so lonely (so lonely)

I'm Mr. Lonely (Mr. Lonely)

I have nobody (I have nobody)

For my own (to call my own girl)

I am so lonely

[–] southsamurai@sh.itjust.works 29 points 1 month ago

Very common.

A lot of people, I'd even hazard to say the majority, want mutual possession to some degree. Not necessarily ownership, as in all freedom removed, but the idea that each person is devoted to the other, to the exclusion of any outsiders in some cases, but at least as a primary priority except for children being higher.

There's been a ton of debate over the years, tons of money thrown at research into human bonding and relationships, trying to figure out exactly what "normal" or "natural" is for us. But, even among people that aren't monogamous, there's some that use, and find comfort in, the idea of belonging to each other, it's just that the non monogamous folks tend to have a broader range of what that means.

It's similar to (or maybe the same as) belonging somewhere. You belong at home, it's the place where you are supposed to be, it's the default state. It might not be home for everyone, obviously, but the sense of having something that is akin to that feeling of coming home, of belonging, that's a powerful thing.

As an example of non romantic belonging, to illustrate what I mean, I used to bounce at a drag club. For a lot of the gay kids that came there, that club was the one place they could really, truly be themselves. I literally can't count how many times someone said that it was the closest they'd ever had to a real home, a real family, and many of them said the only place they ever felt like they belonged.

I know, for myself, no matter how much pain I'm in, what ugliness is trying to drag me down in my head, the certainty that my wife loves me, and is there for me, it keeps my head above water. I'm her's, she's mine, in every way that matters. We belong to each other. That's despite the fact that we're both free to end the relationship if we so choose. There's no slavery in belonging to and with someone.

Shit, now I'm crying lol.

But maybe that's as good an example as anything else. That feeling? That sense of comfort and surety, of knowing that there's someone right there that is such a deep part of yourself that just thinking about the fact is enough to bring tears of joy, that's what it's about.

[–] PyroNeurosis@lemmy.blahaj.zone 24 points 1 month ago (2 children)

It's not uncommon. My significant other has the same vague possessive connotations.

[–] Zagorath@aussie.zone 6 points 1 month ago

My significant other has the same vague possessive connotations

I don't think it does at all. In fact I think just the opposite. It's saying they're an "other" person who is "significant" to you. It's quite sweet, actually, IMO.

[–] Fizz 7 points 1 month ago

Is its a pretty common phrase

[–] sunzu2@thebrainbin.org 2 points 1 month ago

4chan vibe along with the play on wording is the joke here

[–] psycho_driver@lemmy.world 28 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Or kill your aunt instead?

J/K scary moderators.

. . . or am I?!?

[–] tee9000@lemmy.world 4 points 1 month ago

Potentially get him!!

[–] sazey@lemmy.world 9 points 1 month ago

Only reasonable response here is to clap back. Once they know you bite, they move onto someone easier.

[–] echodot@feddit.uk 9 points 1 month ago

I have been in one relationship in my entire life. 8 years ago I was assigned the desk next to her at work, and now I I'm going to marry.

I'm so glad that I have to put up with this shit. One and done, and I'm perfectly happy with it.

Today I get to be the token guy that reminds people that this is fake

[–] mayo@lemmy.world 3 points 1 month ago

This is fun, and I'm going to enjoy it without trying to correct it because that ruins the joke and I need to feel joy.

[–] Kusimulkku@lemm.ee 2 points 1 month ago

Bodied that freak

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