this post was submitted on 13 Oct 2024
739 points (98.8% liked)

Lemmy Shitpost

26509 readers
3328 users here now

Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


Rules:

1. Be Respectful


Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.

Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.

...


2. No Illegal Content


Content that violates the law. Any post/comment found to be in breach of common law will be removed and given to the authorities if required.

That means:

-No promoting violence/threats against any individuals

-No CSA content or Revenge Porn

-No sharing private/personal information (Doxxing)

...


3. No Spam


Posting the same post, no matter the intent is against the rules.

-If you have posted content, please refrain from re-posting said content within this community.

-Do not spam posts with intent to harass, annoy, bully, advertise, scam or harm this community.

-No posting Scams/Advertisements/Phishing Links/IP Grabbers

-No Bots, Bots will be banned from the community.

...


4. No Porn/ExplicitContent


-Do not post explicit content. Lemmy.World is not the instance for NSFW content.

-Do not post Gore or Shock Content.

...


5. No Enciting Harassment,Brigading, Doxxing or Witch Hunts


-Do not Brigade other Communities

-No calls to action against other communities/users within Lemmy or outside of Lemmy.

-No Witch Hunts against users/communities.

-No content that harasses members within or outside of the community.

...


6. NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.


-Content that is NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.

-Content that might be distressing should be kept behind NSFW tags.

...

If you see content that is a breach of the rules, please flag and report the comment and a moderator will take action where they can.


Also check out:

Partnered Communities:

1.Memes

2.Lemmy Review

3.Mildly Infuriating

4.Lemmy Be Wholesome

5.No Stupid Questions

6.You Should Know

7.Comedy Heaven

8.Credible Defense

9.Ten Forward

10.LinuxMemes (Linux themed memes)


Reach out to

All communities included on the sidebar are to be made in compliance with the instance rules. Striker

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
 
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] Dpof@lemmy.world 1 points 6 days ago

Mines already out in the open

[–] Makeshift@sh.itjust.works 62 points 1 week ago (4 children)

Genuinely though, it would not surprise anymore. We have subscription based cars selling your info to insurance companies, retroactively ammended purchase experiences everywhere, and every dang app and website harvesting as much info on you as physically possible no matter how mundane.

Dick info reporting toilets would not at all catch me by surprise at this point.

[–] RogueBanana@lemmy.zip 8 points 1 week ago

Dick info reporting seems pointless but they can add an advert screen above the urinal (which is sadly becoming common) and track your eye movement to record engagement rates.

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] socialpankakemix@lemmy.blahaj.zone 56 points 1 week ago (4 children)

this is why I exclusively pee in the dumpster being dairy queen

[–] RattlerSix@lemmy.world 24 points 1 week ago (3 children)

A real man would do it in the trash can inside the dairy queen

[–] socialpankakemix@lemmy.blahaj.zone 25 points 1 week ago (1 children)
[–] RattlerSix@lemmy.world 18 points 1 week ago

Sorry, I shouldn't have assumed

[–] Agent641@lemmy.world 4 points 1 week ago (1 children)

The dairy queen or the trash can

[–] idunnololz@lemmy.world 2 points 1 week ago

I pee on the dairy queen (with consent of course)

[–] Scubus@sh.itjust.works 5 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Why is the dumpster being dairy queen?

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (2 replies)
[–] Zozano@lemy.lol 40 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (3 children)

il_1588xN.1998833855_27ng-4090175647

That's why I invest in wireless, RFID resistant, anti-flash dick screening devices. Wake up sheeple!

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] mumblerfish@lemmy.world 29 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Damn. They are automating penis inspection day? What are creeps to do now?

[–] saruwatarikooji@lemmy.world 3 points 1 week ago

We're suffering... How do you expect me to feed my family when I have to compete with HAL here?

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] MrGerrit@feddit.nl 25 points 1 week ago (1 children)

"No data collected, subject not big enough to register. "

[–] trumpetmouth@lemmy.world 4 points 1 week ago

glad I'm not alone here.

[–] Avg@lemm.ee 25 points 1 week ago

Good luck, I encrypted my dick data.

[–] tpihkal@lemmy.world 18 points 1 week ago (1 children)

What does matter is length times diameter plus weight over girth divided by angle of the tip squared.

[–] davidagain@lemmy.world 3 points 1 week ago

I have so many questions. Are you measuring angle from the vertical or the horizontal? Whereabouts should I be placing the ruler for that tangent? Are we using metric or imperial units? If metric, is it square centimetres or kilograms per cm, and if it's imperial, is it square inches or ounces per inch per square degree?

[–] niktemadur@lemmy.world 18 points 1 week ago

Dick pics or it didn't happen!

[–] IMNOTCRAZYINSTITUTION@lemmy.world 18 points 1 week ago (1 children)

real shit, these things are mechanical turks. they really are cameras that are live streaming to centers in third world countries. when the poorly paid operator sees you're done, he sends the flush signal to the toilet. if you've ever been in a bathroom where the "sensor is broken" and it seems to flush at random, it's because they just keep flushing it periodically if they can't get a visual. real truth

[–] werefreeatlast@lemmy.world 3 points 1 week ago

We were just training AI flushers this whole time?

[–] Blackout@fedia.io 16 points 1 week ago (3 children)

34x28x16 @ 400 p.s.i. is that enough information for you?

[–] capt_wolf@lemmy.world 12 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Sorry, but no, you forgot duration it took to void, stream color, taste, smell, accuracy, flow consistency, body hair grooming, presence and degree of curvature, and overall hygiene. We've gone ahead and shared your supplied data with our 1869 advertising and heathcare partners. Thank you for opting in! We will continue to collect data at all of our established locations and now through your personal cell phone! Have a nice day!

[–] skulblaka@sh.itjust.works 8 points 1 week ago

400 psi? Damn you could piss the paint off your house with that thing

[–] davidagain@lemmy.world 2 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

At 400 pixels per square inch, 34x28x16 isn't measurements I would have shared on lemmy.

[–] GreenKnight23@lemmy.world 13 points 1 week ago (1 children)
[–] kamen@lemmy.world 5 points 1 week ago (1 children)

All is fine, but I'm still curious: how many do you have?

[–] GreenKnight23@lemmy.world 2 points 1 week ago

at least one. at most nine.

[–] chiliedogg@lemmy.world 12 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Jokes on them. They're gonna need a longer lens.

[–] Evil_Shrubbery@lemm.ee 8 points 1 week ago

(awkwardly long zooming noises)

[–] YakTrimmer@lemmy.blahaj.zone 11 points 1 week ago

I care a lot about my prickvacy!

[–] stupidcasey@lemmy.world 11 points 1 week ago (1 children)

How else would we keep the girls out of the mens room? I personally am willing to give up a little privacy if it means protection from A foreign government, besides you don’t have anything to worry about as long as you have a dick, and to those arguing that those of us with smaller than average members might get thrown in prison unjustly I say just grow a bigger slong, Besides are people with small penis really men? I mean yeah technically it’s on there birth certificate but come on.

[–] Agent641@lemmy.world 6 points 1 week ago

Small penises are a lifestyle choice

[–] Evil_Shrubbery@lemm.ee 11 points 1 week ago

My pp information is public, Im not hiding anything - what are you people hiding??

[–] Speculater@lemmy.world 10 points 1 week ago

LMAO, jokes on them not going to be able to see mine without a microscope.

[–] Kolanaki@yiffit.net 6 points 1 week ago

Error: Please make sure your junk fills up the entire target area for accurate data collection.

[–] prole@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 points 1 week ago

Jokes on them, my dick information is already all over the web!

[–] Sam_Bass@lemmy.world 5 points 1 week ago (2 children)

fwiw if it dont autoflush just press the smaller black dot

[–] Agent641@lemmy.world 19 points 1 week ago (2 children)

My dick won't reach that high

[–] Sam_Bass@lemmy.world 3 points 1 week ago (1 children)

sounds like a personal problem

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] tpihkal@lemmy.world 4 points 1 week ago

How does no one I work with understand this?

[–] 5714@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 1 week ago

They just forgot the cookie banner

[–] Pika@sh.itjust.works 3 points 1 week ago

ooo so that's why they never seem to work, makes so much sense now! /j

[–] MrFloppy@lemmy.world 3 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

"Not looking, not looking at your penis at all. " ... "So sorry about your penis." [Little Britain]

[–] JoShmoe@ani.social 2 points 1 week ago

The only person that has the right to know what my pp burns like is me!

load more comments
view more: next ›