Asklemmy

Hi. I hope my own experience can help you. I have a whole bunch of learning disabilities and very bad anxiety/panic issues. I graduated high school with a 5th grade reading level; and frankly I was pissed. No one should have fallen between the cracks as much as I did.

I got stubborn and angry and I did something about it. I refused to let life just push me down and accept it. It's a bumpy, rocky, uphill climb. But you can do it.

IQ doesn't mean crap. I encourage you to go out there. Walk outside. And be pissed off at everyone who told you that you were not good enough. Now imagine proving them wrong. Let that guide you a bit.

Feel free to PM me if you want to talk. I've been in your shoes. It does 100% get better.

I'm gonna be the cynic and say it - I think what we have here is a scammer hoping people will reach out with donations.

The account didn't exist before this post was made. OP has a 76 IQ but uses perfect sentence structure, grammar, punctuation, paragraphs and five-syllable words like qualification. My spidey sense is tingling.

You vastly overestimate the competence of the workforce in general. If you show up on time, work hard, and work to improve over time (don’t expect to be perfect! Just learn from mistakes!) you will be a coveted employee.

Hopefully this leads to improved feelings of self worth.

Reminds me of the YouTuber Mat Armstrong w/motto “Hard work beats talent.”

As others have said, pick a trade. Make bank. Get some friends who value you for you. F everyone else. Not literally lol

1. This doesn’t look like it was written by someone that isn’t intelligent.

2. You’re probably self medicating yourself through ADHD and/or anxiety and it’s also not helping with the anxiety and/or depression you might be experiencing.

3. 20s is prime “what do I do with my life” for most - and it doesn’t always go away as you age.

Everyone's thinking it, I'm just saying it

stop with the fucking drugs already

Your English is perfect. There is no indication of low intelligence from the way you described your issues. B and C grade are pretty average and indicates you can learn with hard work. I think what you might be experiencing is anxiety and that is causing you to think you don't have skills or intelligence. I am not from US so I don't know what kind of help might be available for you there, but I would suggest you to look for a job with something you like to do even though the pay might not be great and then eventually your interest will take you further in your career.

Nobody with 76 IQ will get past the Lemmy landing page when they start talking about instances.

There's a lot of good advice here. I have a son not too different in age than you. Your post made me want to give you a long hug. I'm sure you have many things about you that are assets and you haven't had anyone in your life to help you find them.

As others have said, you sound smarter than you think you are, and your writing is good!

Small steps, and celebrate the small victories. Make one little thing better about yourself or your life every day. No matter how small. And be proud of yourself when you've done so.

Go take the good advice from others, but here's a Dad Hug™.

First off, I'm so sorry to hear what you've been through. Your family (especially parents) failed you by not supporting you in your education and early adult life -- that's when people need the most support as they grow. Nobody deserves that, and I hope you're able to keep finding the support you need. It's a relief to hear you have/had a friend to live with, and I sincerely hope you're able to keep finding that kind of support.

Hope is a difficult thing. It's often swayed by external circumstances, but ultimately it's a concept that you foster for yourself. Hope might be an irrational desire, but it's the reason anyone ever does anything. My outlook is that every person has potential to do good, and that potential is only "wasted" if they stop reaching for it -- that idea gives me hope for others and for myself. I've heard some pretty rough stories very similar to yours, but the common thread with many of them is that those stories didn't end there, they kept going and ended up somewhere. It just took them time; years, decades maybe, but it got them to a place where they were happier and more self-assured.

Really, the biggest factor in all of this is time. I'm also in my 20s, and I've also made some mistakes that "set me back" a few years and had me in a similar place of feeling hopeless and incapable. The biggest part of all of this is that we're still very young, and the years it takes to learn and grow feel longer now than they will when we're old. I think it's important to see this part of your life as a time to make mistakes and struggle and hurt, but also as a time to slowly but steadily grow and learn and find your people.

Your past happened and led you here. You had some say in it, but many of those factors of your early life were far outside your control, and now they're a done deal. But now, now is an important time. This moment is different from before: in many ways you have more freedoms, and while in other ways you'll still feel held down by familiar forces, now you have a different environment with different options that could build up to something better. This is what ultimately matters: doing what you can, in this moment.

I know I may also sound cringe in this long-ass post, but I think cringe often a by-product of sincerity. I sincerely do have hope for you, even if you're a stranger, even if I don't know your whole story, even though what you've said is an absolutely horrible experience, I still have hope for you. Why? Because you showed a scrap of hope by even posting this. A truly hopeless person wouldn't care enough ask other people what they thought, but you did. That tells me you want a better life badly enough to keep trying, and that's a huge step.

I hope all that philosophical/life outlook stuff I said helped you feel at least a little better. Even if it didn't, I really do mean it when I say I hope the best for you and truly believe you can get yourself to a place where you're happier. But I'm sure you're tired of my yapping about humanity and hope and potential, so I'd like to say something more materially helpful. The specifics depend on where you are, but I can list a few real things that you can do (or already have done) that can help you build some stability. All I ask is that you go through this list looking for things that might work, and try not to focus on what "won't work." I know I tend to focus on the latter when I'm struggling, so I hope this reminder helps if you do too. Now, here's some ideas that might be helpful:

• Research some local resources. I'm intentionally vague here because there's a lot of ways you can go, but here's some resources to look into:
  • Addiction clinics and treatment resources. You seem like you don't love how drugs are affecting your life, so I think it's worth spending a lot of time and effort trying to find some treatment/guidance to gain back control here
  • If you have a public library, please look into the programs they offer. They're honestly the greatest public good in this world, and depending on where you are and how your library is funded, they likely offer lots of free online education resources and in-person workshops, some aimed at people entering the workforce. If nothing else, libraries offer a place to be, a change of scenery, books, movies, computers, and music, all for free. Libraries are pools of knowledge with people who genuinely want to help you learn, so don't pass them up.
  • Places for art/creative expression. Super vague, I know, but that's because this depends on what your interests are and your location. These kinds of gatherings and communities may be online too, but it's worth finding real people nearby first and foremost. Do you like music? Your city probably has cheap bars or house shows you can go to. Like drawing, painting, graffiti? Good hobbies on your own, but even better when done in a communal setting. Local cafes, restaurants, and other businesses might host artist gatherings. Into DnD, TTRPG, or other games? Same as before, local businesses probably host DnD/game nights, and these circles are often welcoming and have a lot of down-to-earth people. Whatever the case, finding places where you can see and express creative work is important for the human spirit. Plus, getting to know people keeps you sane and increases your "network," so you might stumble into new opportunities thanks to one of these connections. You can find these kinds of meet-ups through city websites and social media pages for your library and local businesses.
• IQ is a scam and has no bearing on your worth. It's a shaky metric and it's validity has been questioned for years. Worst of all, it reduces you to a number; I don't care how "valid" a metric might be, it becomes dangerous as soon as it's used as a value judgement. Besides, you strike me as pretty smart considering you got grades in that B-C range under all that stress with zero actual support, and using a Reddit alternative tells me you're inquisitive. That matters.
• Life might be a series of distractions, but those distractions can be great parts of your life. All this to say, if you don't already have a hobby or creative outlet of some kind, think about what interests you and find some cheap ways to fulfill that interest. Drawing is pretty accessible, you can even get most of the supplies for free if you keep your eye out. Making music is now very doable for free on phones or computers, see things like Bandlab and other online tools for free playgrounds. Writing can be done digitally or physically cheaply too. Reading is free thanks to libraries. Finding things to do that interest you are one of the biggest things you can do for yourself.
• As someone who also has ADHD, I know how that can make everything harder. It takes time and you keep learning, but I know it's possible to build routines and structures that better mesh with the way your brain works. You're not in this alone.

I've written too damn much now, but I hope something there meant something to you. I'm sure you've heard a few of these things before, but I know when I'm hopeless I need to be reminded what my options are. From one young person to another in a rough world, I genuinely hope you're able to find what you need. I'm proud of you.

You write well, and you got B's and C's in school. This tells me that you're smarter than you think, but abuse and/or lack of proper support has had an effect on your development and self esteem (which isn't surprising). You are still at a very young age, when a lot of people are still trying to find their way. I'm not saying any of this to minimize your struggles, but to give you at least a bit of perspective. A lot can change in a year or two when you're only 23!

For specific advice on resources available to you, it would help people to know at least which country you are in.

First off, I'm so sorry you had that much pressure put on you in school. Your father should have helped you and instead he needlessly made things harder. One thing you should keep in mind is a saying I see every now and again: "Comparison is the thief of joy". You're not your brothers or your sisters and that's okay! You may have the same parents, but that doesn't mean you have to be clones.

Distancing yourself from your abusive father was a good move and I applaud you for that! Parents who don't accept their own children, especially including their quirks and flaws, don't deserve them. It sounds like he wants you to be someone else, but tough shit: you're not them, you're you. And you have zero obligation to become this perfect person in your dad's head.

And to answer your question: yes, there is hope. You got out of a bad situation and it sounds like you're still recovering. For now, forget math, grades and employment and just focus on getting better. Good grades and a stable job don't mean jack shit if you're miserable anyway.

Get a trade and make bank. University educated skillsets aren't as in demand as tradespeople, and I believe that is going to be more true over time.

You've already got some good advice but in no particular order:

1. You are much more articulate than a lot of people. You can read and write better than a lot of people.

2. You've been at least emotionally and physically abused

3. You know how to work hard.

4. ADHD is somewhat treatable with medication, at least improvable.

What that translates to:

1. no it isn't too late, especially if you keep working hard.

2. the things you blame yourself for likely isn't your fault. Therapy, when you can afford it, should be a priority.

3. working hard is so important for employment. Most jobs don't require high intelligence. Working hard with a good attitude and working with people is so much more important for most careers.

4. learning disabilities suck. ADHD is hard. You can still learn coping mechanisms and find ways or a career that fits better with it.

Life is hard. It's harder for you than most. It can still be worth living, but it will be up to you to find a way. I think you can.

Is it possible with ADHD you just struggle with standardised testing? A lack of education can also make you feel a lot less intelligent than you are.

My ADHD friends have very poor IQ test results but it's simply a product of ADHD making it hard to sit and concontrate on a test.

You write very well and do a good job at articulating your thoughts.

Be less harsh on yourself and look into career opportunities that mesh well with ADHD, and try seek out effective management strategies for the ADHD.

I feel treating the ADHD is central to turning your life around, it's very normal to feel this way with poorly managed ADHD.

I read this post yesterday and I went back to find it to write a response.

First, let me clarity when I give advice, I speak my mind, saying what I would do if I know what I know now but were in your shoes. It isn't intended to make you feel better, but genuinely a matter of "this is the easiest way to reach my goals".

First, let's address the problems you can fix, and ignore the ones you can't. You say you're 76 IQ, but to be honest you wrote a more comprehensive post than most people can. In any case, check out this video by a guy who claims to have 70 IQ and how he holds down a job at McDonalds: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fjDXvXACIEA

Why a job at McDonalds? For a few reasons:

1. You already live with your friend. You're not about to be homeless. This is the best time to start working.
2. Getting a job means getting experience working. You might not think much of it now, but that's step 1 to getting a job at a company with a union, or a company that will offer you full time for health insurance
3. Getting a job will preoccupy your time. You can't quit drugs and alcohol if you're not distracting yourself with something else
4. A new job means meeting new people and learning new things. You might find another path yourself
5. McDonald's will let anybody interview and start working. So you can get this job

Second, you need a long-term plan. This is why I mentioned a full time job with a union: it doesn't matter if it's an Amazon Warehouse or a Walmart, a union will look out for your best interests. They will give you a livable future and be the backbone you need for support, since it seems you can't turn to your family for that.

Getting a job at a company with a union is harder, but that's why you do step 1 first. When you have experience and a reputation working, these doors will always be easier to open up.

I'm pretty damn terrible at this, so I can't give you any real advice, but Imma try dammit:

I've had a pretty rough life myself thus far, I've had serious struggles with suicide, depression, addiction, being abandoned by my family, being homeless, and so on, and one thing I can tell you is this: the absolute simultaneous curse as well as blessing that is & always has been absolutely central to human motherfucking existence is the phenomenon of hope. It always exists, even when you think it doesn't. Even when you don't want it to. Hell, especially when you don't want it to.

Keep going.

That's all I can say on that. I have no fucking clue what advice to give nor frankly do I have any right to. I'm not in your shoes. But you are a human, which sounds innocuous and obvious but in my experience that automatically means you're stronger than you think you are. You've survived this long, haven't you? You may feel like a shell of a human being but you've still persisted. I don't care what anyone tells you, I don't care what you tell yourself. That's your proof of your strength right fucking there.

Just keep going.

Feel free to complain the whole fucking time—hell, I do every goddamn day—but keep going. Even if it's just to spite existence, keep. going.

I don't know you, I've not met you, but just from what you say, I can tell you one thing: I do believe in you. I mean that, dammit.

Survive out of spite. Fuck these assholes. Fuck this way of life. Fuck this "civilization". Fuck them all.

I have like 148iq, 30yo, I still didn't ended the college and I still live with my parents.

IQ means nothing, like I don't think musk have more IQ than you for example.

Ignore all that shit, just live your life the best you can and don't let anyone tell you your value. You are not quantifiable in numbers and you are irreplaceable, even if the society try you to think so.

It can be very demoralizing, but remember that IQ is only a part of intelligence, and grades in school matter a lot less than you think. Also C's and B's are respectable grades. Focus on the things you are good at and enjoy doing. Do you like animals? There are people who pay for grooming or dogsitting. Maybe you have a good sense of humor and can make it as a comedian. Perhaps you like outdoors and plants?

Please don't give up and lean into your strengths.

Try to start over. Go to a new place, try to meet new people, etc. I was in a very similar situation and just leaving it all behind helped.

Have you applied for welfare? You may qualify for food benefits (EBT card that pays for food) and general benefits (actual money). Say you are disabled. They will tell you to apply for Social Security benefits like SSI or SSDI. You can also get Medicaid/Medicare to help pay for healthcare like medicine for ADHD or therapy. This assumes you are in the US.

Are you sure about the IQ?

You're writing very well structured and without errors - at least none that really stick out of or I've seen

Sure you're not just putting yourself down too much?

And anyway, everyone has the tools we've got.
Make the best of it. That's all one can do anyway.

Do what interests you. Do what brings you joy - and do something that brings some income that you can live off.

Don't overthink the IQ part. Many high intelligence people are having major issues in their life. IQ isn't everything and really working for what you want, can cancel out many handicaps

And I still don't believe, that you have such a low IQ.
IQ tests often overvalue performance in time.
If you're insecure already, you'll have second thoughts about your answers, lose time and get a lower score.

Edit: and to add to that, a good friend of mine always had A's in every class in highschool, but scored really bad in IQ tests, because he wanted to do them perfect. While I just went through them as fast as possible. He was like 86 points. But he went on to study theoretical physics.

You write very well, and communicate coherently. I don't get a "low intelligence" vibe from the structure of your post. Although the negative focus suggests an unhealthy fixation.

It sounds like you might have good emotional intelligence. I think you can find something you're good at, develop that natural talent into a strong skill, and just give yourself to that.

Also remember that negative thinking creates bad outcomes. I know it's not your fault, and your negative thinking comes from negative experiences, but you're clearly demonstrating a kind of intelligence in how you communicate.

Short answer: yes, there's hope for you. You're so young. You have time to find what you're good at and give yourself to that.

Maybe a long shot, but as someone with ADHD and self diagnosed autism, I would encourage you to look into the possibility. I struggled in school all the way through, constantly told "if only you applied yourself", the problem was I was already working harder and didn't realize the system wasn't designed for my brain. Really the world in general isn't designed for anyone neurodivergent, but your life still has value, you just need help figuring out how the whole unexplained thing works.

1. Get sober
2. Figured out what you want to do in life.

Don't think about jobs specifically. What do you want your life to look like? Traveling? Learning new things? Meeting a lot of people? Content solitude?

Once you figure out your ideal life, work backwards to form a plan. The pieces will fall into place and congrats, you now have a roadmap to your ideal. Make it happen.

When I was younger than you are now I was homeless. I remember one night I was hiding from the monsoon in an underpass, nursing broken ribs courtesy of some teenagers who decided to fuck with me a few days before. I knew this wasn't the life I wanted. I knew I wanted my own safe place to live with a fridge full of food and hot running water. I stayed up all night and crunched the numbers - how much I would need to make, where I should live, what job and degree I'd need. It took 10 years but I followed the plan to a T and it worked out exactly as intended. It feels like a lifetime ago now.

23 is far from being too late. I know folks twice your age who have turned it around. The important thing is to start now and don't stop until you've arrived at your destination. It is possible, you just need to take the right steps.

Much love friend. If you need help with the planning stages, send me a message.

Work at amazon they hire anyone over 18 regardless of diplomas/degrees etc (at this time they're hiring a lot and quickly! only go to hiring.amazon.com) If you get converted to regular permanent associate they pay your College Tuition and there's more too

Delivery station is the easiest and as someone with lower cognitive ability (ptsd sucks that bad y'all) I can work there easily and it's not overwhelming

I wish you can find yourself more comfortable with yourself going forward. It sounds to me that your previous environment wasn't the most nurturing for your school needs, and you shouldn't let this mindset carry over anymore.

With your new freedoms (salary yeey) and environment (roommate, adult life) you'll be able to re discover yourself and your expanding limits. I think you'll be surprised of what you're actually capable of.

I wouldn't exclude lower IQ as that major of a problem. Sure maybe it kind of excludes you from being an engineer or a lawyer or a doctor and these kinds of jobs. But there's plenty of low education jobs around, and there's no shame in that. If everyone was engineers and lawyers we'd have major problems keeping shops and fastfood open. My dad didn't finish school and raised me no problem, and lives fine. He might not be good at math or writing, but it's plenty for woodworking and being a handyman.

As others have already pointed out, you're articulate and sound smarter than a bunch of people I've seen on Lemmy. I mean hell, you found your way into Lemmy, a platform that's still fairly niche and filled with nerds. You could have gone to Reddit but you came to the fediverse.

Everyone have their strengths and things they're good at. Finding what you like to do is a good start. Some people inherently take artistic paths, and art has nothing to do with intelligence. What you need to do is figure out what you like to do that's pleasant and satisfying for you to do, and get out of your head that you have to go to higher education.

Also worth noting, you mentioned ADHD. If you're not diagnosed for it or treated for it, in itself that can significantly lower your IQ scores especially if not accounting for that. When I had my ADHD assessment, they spent time measuring exactly how much my cognitive performance declines under conditions harsh for ADHD. I swear I struggled to figure out how to take the bus after that because I was so fried, was very glad I was too lazy to take the car that day. They noted, initially being well rested I performed really well then my performance tanked the moment they started hammering the ADHD. It's also important to understand IQ measures only one thing: intelligence. It doesn't measure empathy, communication, art, or anything else. That might limit you for intellectual jobs, but you can still be great a people jobs. You could be HR, you could be sales, you could be support. Some of the best artists I know failed school hard.

Stop being jealous and ashamed. Those that shame you can go to hell, all they do is make you think you're worthless and inferior to them. Find your own path.

There is very much hope for you. I used to be addicted to drugs/opiates for 15 years, I'm sober almost 3 years now.

You've got challenges, and you can overcome these things, but you have to try to get clean, no matter what. You have to be clean to do the things you need to do.

Ever try being clever? Pay attention to things, and try to predict possible future outcomes. Be observant, and try to be aware of all your immediate surroundings.

You do seem talented at expressing yourself in writing. Something there worth exploring?