this post was submitted on 14 Nov 2024
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[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 123 points 1 month ago (3 children)

My absolute favorite part of this is that they also own his supplement business now.

[–] ricecake@sh.itjust.works 44 points 1 month ago (4 children)

His supplement business was under the same business ownership? That's preposterously stupid and hilarious.

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 28 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I'm not exactly shocked he was that stupid, but yeah, that made me laugh the hardest.

[–] ObviouslyNotBanana@lemmy.world 26 points 1 month ago

He's been very transparent in his attempts to move stuff around, telling his audience exactly what he's been up to.

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[–] Fester@lemm.ee 25 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 12 points 1 month ago

Isn't it usually sugar? (With a big helping of snake oil.)

[–] todd_bonzalez@lemm.ee 19 points 1 month ago

As for the vitamins and supplements, we are halting their sale immediately. Utilitarian logic dictates that if we can extend even one CEO’s life by 10 minutes, diluting these miracle elixirs for public consumption is an unethical waste. Instead, we plan to collect the entire stock of the InfoWars warehouses into a large vat and boil the contents down into a single candy bar–sized omnivitamin that one executive (I will not name names) may eat in order to increase his power and perhaps become immortal.

[–] late_night@sopuli.xyz 122 points 1 month ago (2 children)

“The Onion is proud to acquire Infowars, and we look forward to continuing its storied tradition of scaring the site’s users with lies until they fork over their cold, hard cash,” said The Onion CEO Ben Collins. “Or Bitcoin. We will also accept Bitcoin.”

This is gold.

[–] JoYo@lemmy.ml 32 points 1 month ago

Through it all, InfoWars has shown an unswerving commitment to manufacturing anger and radicalizing the most vulnerable members of society—values that resonate deeply with all of us at Global Tetrahedron.

[–] Tja@programming.dev 8 points 1 month ago

Probably accept that, too!

[–] billiam0202@lemmy.world 76 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (2 children)

I love that

They're turning the freaking frogs gay!

is now officially an Onion story.

[–] ayyy@sh.itjust.works 16 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Also that was the only conspiracy he covered that was slightly grounded in reality. The atrazine poisoning was hermaphrodizing the frogs. Of course more regulation to stop pollution is not a solution that dumbfuck jones would support..:

[–] dragonfucker 6 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I don't like them putting chemicals in the water that turn the fricking frogs trans

[–] Breezy@lemmy.world 5 points 1 month ago

No no, that water was for all our illegal immigrants in prison.

[–] LillyPip@lemmy.ca 14 points 1 month ago (2 children)
[–] NotSteve_@lemmy.ca 5 points 1 month ago (3 children)
[–] LillyPip@lemmy.ca 4 points 1 month ago (1 children)

That’s amazing! But fuck it for putting naked Alex Jones in my head. I was hoping to sleep peacefully tonight.

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[–] billiam0202@lemmy.world 3 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] LillyPip@lemmy.ca 3 points 1 month ago
[–] don@lemm.ee 68 points 1 month ago (1 children)

In order to make the bid work, the families “agreed to forgo a portion of their recovery to increase the overall value of The Onion’s bid, enabling its success,” the families said in a statement.

The power of unity and determination beautifully demonstrated.

[–] demizerone@lemmy.world 16 points 1 month ago

That is also one of they ways we can stop gun violence. Bring back the sense of community and being one people. Also common sense gun reforms.

[–] TimLovesTech@badatbeing.social 40 points 1 month ago

Love to see it!

It would be great if The Onion could use this site to help grow an information platform to counter the Rights enormous disinformation network. And using satire or jokes can maybe break through the noise of main stream media who always treat the fascists with kid gloves.

[–] ObviouslyNotBanana@lemmy.world 40 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

As a policy wonk I feel that this was the correct buyer. Damn, it couldn't be funnier. The Onion now owns Alex Jones' former twitter account.

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[–] Telorand@reddthat.com 34 points 1 month ago (3 children)

LFG!

I wonder if they would be willing to gift the desk to Knowledge Fight...? I know Dan has wished he could get his hands on that for a long time.

[–] ObviouslyNotBanana@lemmy.world 20 points 1 month ago

That was my first thought as well! Just gift something from the set to Knowledge Fight.

[–] SGforce@lemmy.ca 13 points 1 month ago

Hell, they could full on partner up

[–] Rageagainstbelief@lemmy.world 7 points 1 month ago

Thats a great idea! I was thinking the QAnon Anonymous podcast folks would be great for conspiracy deep dives. They already are but on infowars that would be perfect 🤌

[–] ZeroCool@slrpnk.net 28 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

Just when the country needed a laugh the most, The Onion went and did the funniest thing they could possibly do. This is a wonderful morning.

[–] ikidd@lemmy.world 18 points 1 month ago (1 children)

So the families gave up a pile of money in order to back The Onion's bid and make sure Jones wasn't just reinstalled doing the same shit as before under the Infowars banner. Wonder who the shitbirds were that made a 7-figure offer to do that fuckery? I wonder if it rhymes with Felon Tusk?

[–] kent_eh@lemmy.ca 5 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (2 children)

The families didn't pay for this, The Onion did.

The families support was mostly not financial in this .

[–] iamanurd@midwest.social 16 points 1 month ago (1 children)

“In order to make the bid work, the families “agreed to forgo a portion of their recovery to increase the overall value of The Onion’s bid, enabling its success,” the families said in a statement.”

Sounds like they contributed by reducing their collections?

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[–] ikidd@lemmy.world 4 points 1 month ago

They backed the Onion bid to reduce the cost and make sure they were successful. It definitely cost them.

I hope they do what the Colbert Report did, keep the inforwars name and let it be a right wing lampooning.

[–] xmunk@sh.itjust.works 12 points 1 month ago

I will gladly eat that onion.

[–] villainy@lemmy.world 10 points 1 month ago

I love this so much. It's perfect!

[–] demizerone@lemmy.world 10 points 1 month ago

The hilarious part is infowars.com is going to troll Alex Jones new site so hard.

[–] Omega_Jimes@lemmy.ca 8 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Time to start working on my alternative writing personality, trans socialist Jordane Petersburg. Or should I be Bo Rogaine?

[–] InternetCitizen2@lemmy.world 3 points 1 month ago

Be sure to give your self a military background as an antifa paratrooper super soldier. Maybe get a J6er as the pfp.

[–] TomMasz@lemmy.world 8 points 1 month ago

Is this what being on drugs is like in normal times?

I love this, I hope they turn it into a fake far-right website to mess with conservatives

[–] HellsBelle@sh.itjust.works 5 points 1 month ago (1 children)

But a federal judge in Texas ordered a hearing into how the Onion – known for bite – won the bidding, after Jones and his lawyers raised questions about how the auction was conducted.

[–] Warl0k3@lemmy.world 4 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Yeah, seems like there was some behind the scenes work so that the onion could buy it, we'll see if it stands up in the (I assume deeply corrupt...) bankruptcy court. God, I hope it does....

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[–] MCasq_qsaCJ_234@lemmy.zip 4 points 1 month ago

It will be fun if The Onion and Infowars use this to satirize the presidential debates.

[–] houstoneulers@lemmy.world 3 points 1 month ago

Honestly, it's the perfect platform b/c it was already filled with joke level insight.

[–] LifeInMultipleChoice@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I'm being a lazy sack. I skimmed the article but didn't find an amount they won it for, has anyone seen how much they just paid the man who needs to pay his dues?

[–] DokPsy@lemmy.world 13 points 1 month ago (1 children)

They paid him nothing. The auction was for the settlement of debts in bankruptcy court. Basically, the courts seized his assets including Infowars and auctioned them off to cover the outstanding debts owed.

Per NPR: The sale, which still needs to be approved by a bankruptcy judge, includes Jones' studio and equipment, his lucrative online nutritional supplement store, domain names, customer lists and some of his social media accounts.

So it'll be fun when all settled

[–] polarpear11@lemmy.world 3 points 1 month ago

Oh fuck yeah let me get my popcorn. Peice of shit deserves all that.

[–] TrickDacy@lemmy.world 3 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

I love that people kept saying they should do this and then it freaking happened! I am so curious how much they paid.

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