The Onion

4542 readers

1209 users here now

The Onion

A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.

Great Satire Writing:

founded 2 years ago

MODERATORS

seahorse@midwest.social

pbrisgreat@midwest.social

618

Matt Gaetz Tells Girlfriend He Can Attend Quinceañera After All (thehardtimes.net)

submitted 21 hours ago* (last edited 21 hours ago) by ZeroCool@slrpnk.net to c/theonion@midwest.social

16 comments fedilink hide all child comments

TALLAHASSEE, Fla. — Former Florida representative Matt Gaetz informed his girlfriend Valentina he will be able to go to her 15th birthday party after ending his bid for Attorney General, sources who attend Rickards High School confirm.

top 16 comments

sorted by: hot top controversial new old

[–] Facebones@reddthat.com 50 points 16 hours ago (2 children)

Gaetz found out it wasn't "JV Dance" it was "JD Vance"

[–] theangryseal@lemmy.world 7 points 15 hours ago

Oh yooooou! I love this comment!

[–] Jimbabwe@lemmy.world 2 points 12 hours ago

Somebody was on reddit today

[–] Today@lemmy.world 72 points 21 hours ago (2 children)

Sometimes the articles are just silly, but this one is worth the read!

[–] HootinNHollerin@lemmy.world 8 points 16 hours ago (1 children)

The cousins from Miami got me

[–] bitchkat@lemmy.world 14 points 15 hours ago (1 children)

The "Gaetz made a post asking reddit how to make venmo payments private" was my favorite.

[–] spamellama@midwest.social 3 points 14 hours ago

Because of course he would

[–] theangryseal@lemmy.world 3 points 15 hours ago

I felt compelled to read it too. Haha.

Was not disappointed!

[–] NegativeLookBehind@lemmy.world 35 points 21 hours ago (1 children)

So glad his schedule freed up

[–] radix@lemmy.world 14 points 21 hours ago (1 children)

He has time to finally go back and get another diploma. He can graduate high school again, right?

[–] NegativeLookBehind@lemmy.world 12 points 21 hours ago

He’d probably prefer middle school

[–] LovableSidekick@lemmy.world 3 points 15 hours ago* (last edited 15 hours ago)

TBF middle school volleyball finals take precedence

[–] Sam_Bass@lemmy.world 4 points 16 hours ago

Punks probably drooling in anticipation

[–] Semi_Hemi_Demigod@lemmy.world 10 points 21 hours ago (1 children)

I cannot wait for them to take over Infowars

[–] davidgro@lemmy.world 6 points 17 hours ago (1 children)

This one is a different satire newspaper, but yeah.

[–] jwt@programming.dev 7 points 16 hours ago

This one can take over breitbart or oan.