Standing for something sounds woke. I don't buy this coffee.

Wouldn't "woke-free" coffee just be decaf?

"This isn't your latte-sipping liberal twig boy coffee. This is an anti WOKE blend grown and harvested in non-free trade prison plantations using pesticides banned by the Geneva convention and common human decency for that delicious taste of freedom. These beans are carefully grown by kidnapped indigenous children under gunpoint of the watchful eye of the revolutionary guerilla army deep in the jungles of Bolivia. Artisanal roasters working for just 20 cents a day create a flavor profile that's more bitter than the pain of their existence. Try 1775 today and show those libs that you're not just a piece of shit with poor taste, you're a Trump-loving conservative. For a limited time for every bag you purchase, we'll donate 25 cents to the Israeli Defense fund Bombs for Kids. Order now!"

For real renegades who love their president, their landlord and the police.

Two things: First, coffee became an “American” beverage after the Boston Tea Party (though, iirc beer remained a significant breakfast beverage for awhile). Coffee houses were also places for patriotic discussions and where the revolutionary zeal was fostered. So you have some MAGA types wanting to tap into that.

Second, dark roasting coffee is an old trick to cover the flavor of inconsistent and shitty coffee. Some people really like to taste the “roast.” But what’s happening is that a burnt flavor is masking the actual taste of a coffee bean. You want a light roast to actually taste the coffee.

Also, if I’m not mistaken, it was the French who first came up with dark roasting coffee (likely for preservation reasons). I’m sure MAGA would love to know that their “dark, hard-hitting” coffee has its flavor profile originating in France.

The idea of anti-woke coffee just makes me chuckle. What's the inverse of biting the onion, because that's what I did here.

Woke-free and rich from the mountains of Bolivia

You mean, you are rich from endorsing the harvesting of coffee from underpaid Bolivian farmers who work 16 hours a day?

Do you folks like coffee?
Real coffee
From the Hills
Of Colombia?

The Duncan Hills will wake you
From a thousand deaths
A cup of blackened blood
(Dying, dying)
You're dying for a cup
Guatemala blend
Ethiopian
French vanilla roast
(Dying, dying)
You're dying for a cup

Prepare for ultimate flavor
You're gonna get some now
And scream... for your cream
Duncan Hills
Duncan Hills
Duncan Hills Coffee

https://youtu.be/2I1GhXjIG6o

Jesus H. Christ, I thought this coffee was satire. I need some eyebleach.

"Woke free" just tells me they don't know shit about fuck.

The look on the woman is what I imagine you do when just had a sip of this coffee.

@federalreverse Yeah one quick question. How in the heck in the world did coffee become woke? 😂