696
The Bad Place (lemmy.nz)
submitted 10 months ago by sherikaz@lemmy.ca to c/comicstrips@lemmy.world
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[-] DagwoodIII@piefed.social 44 points 10 months ago

[old joke]

Joe dies and goes to Heaven. An angel meets him and says they are going to see his Mom.

"How did you know I wanted to see my Mom?"

"This is Heaven, we know everything and everyone gets exactly what they want most."

Joe's Mom loved flowers, and he finds her in a beautiful garden that goes on for miles and miles. Next he visits Dad, who has a 100 story tall garage with every kind of car and a dozen different race tracks to drive them on. His favorite teacher has a vast library; his coach has a team of all the greatest players; everyone is wonderfully happy.

Then he remembers his Aunt Petunia. He asks if she's in Heaven.

The angel pulls out a monitor. Petunia is all alone in a giant city. She goes into building after building, laughing and clapping.

"Petunia always thought that she was the only person who deserved to go to Heaven, so we let her think she's the only one up here."

[-] LogicalDrivel@sopuli.xyz 24 points 10 months ago

his coach has a team of all the greatest players;

Just casually owning people in heaven.

[-] DagwoodIII@piefed.social 12 points 10 months ago

I've told that joke for years, and you're the very first person to equate "has a team" with "owns slaves."

You might want to chat with someone about that.

[-] Tattorack@lemmy.world 12 points 10 months ago

It's what I thought of too. It's because of the premise:

"Everyone will get what they dream of".

OK, so this guy has his dream team of players. I assume they are real people? What about what they want? Surely the entire team doesn't want the exact same thing in heaven. And yet there they are, part of someone else's dream team.

Seems like their agency has been taken away to satisfy one individual.

[-] danc4498@lemmy.world 11 points 10 months ago

I think the premise of the joke is illogical because religion is illogical. Heaven is supposed to be perfect, but it can’t possibly be perfect for everybody.

If we’re going to overthink this joke, I would suggest none of it is real and this guy is living in a simulation.

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[-] HairyOldCoot@lemmy.ca 5 points 10 months ago

The players are actually in hell.

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[-] bountygiver@lemmy.ml 4 points 10 months ago

I actually read the "owning" as video game lingo.

So I am imagining they are playing against a team that really enjoys losing.

[-] turdcollector69@lemmy.world 3 points 10 months ago

What do you mean the coach doesn't legally own the players?

What's the fucking point of owning a sports team then?

[-] DagwoodIII@piefed.social 2 points 10 months ago

Username checks out

[-] turdcollector69@lemmy.world 1 points 10 months ago

Isn't that what the zodiac killer was all about?

[-] Viking_Hippie@lemmy.dbzer0.com 20 points 10 months ago
[-] Buddahriffic@lemmy.world 14 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

That's why I find the idea of heaven to be self-contradictory.

One person's idea of heaven might be one where they don't need to worry about others wanting sex with them. Another's might be one where everyone is happy to have sex with them. And another might be most happy in a monogamous relationship where they are with their partner and no one else is even interested in their partner. (Also what about widows and widowers who remarry?)

Or hell, a simpler example: three people, one of which considers the other two their very best friends while the other two only like that one and would rather not spend time with each other.

So unless there's a new version of heaven for each set of desires (maybe even with a version of you that is happy there, to make those who want to be with you in that heaven happy), the whole thing will be great for some but probably miserable for many more (because you can't please everyone), which defeats the entire premise of paradise for everyone.

Not that this disproves anything, for all I know the many versions one might be the case or maybe heaven exists but is only fun for some people (which honestly is consistent with how religion generally works on earth anyways).

Edit: fixed a word, plus added the bit about widows.

[-] IAmNorRealTakeYourMeds@lemmy.world 4 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

there's the story about dog heaven being squirrel hell.

the real hell is wherever people who gotta deal with those logistics go

[-] Devjavu@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 10 months ago

Oh, so heaven and hell are just amazon.

[-] Devjavu@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

While I don't believe in it's literal existence, I do not find it to be contradictory. Sure, we like different things, but that's mostly just us being born and raised in different environments. If heaven was true, then we would learn everything we need to find it heavenly.

Also, if one believes in heaven, they likely believe in god. Being omnipotent, I don't think he'd have an issue creating a different realm for you inside the realm of heaven.

We're all just a weird mycelium in some bacon after all. ^gettin^ ^hungry^

[-] HugeNerd@lemmy.ca 2 points 10 months ago

You mean there is no anal heaven after all!?

[-] RagingRobot@lemmy.world 2 points 10 months ago

No it's real I swear, I can take you there

[-] HugeNerd@lemmy.ca 2 points 10 months ago

Giver.jpg or receiver.jpg?

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[-] youCanCallMeDragon@lemmy.world 14 points 10 months ago

Ohhhh this is the bad place

[-] yermaw@sh.itjust.works 2 points 10 months ago

youCanCallMeDragon figured it out? Oh this is a new low..

[-] TheFogan@programming.dev 11 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

Reminds me of a little story by Steven Fry.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GzfCtGFgRSk

The TL DR if you don't want to watch the 2 minute video.

spoilerHe winds up on a tour by the mormons, The leader talks about how when you die you go to be with all of your families forever, Steven raises his hand and asks "but what happens if you were good?". and they asked him to leave the tour

[-] Gutek8134@lemmy.world 4 points 10 months ago

God takes off his mask, revealing he's actually the devil and this is Hell

[-] edgemaster72@lemmy.world 4 points 10 months ago

Does heaven have a den or a basement or a garage I can hang out in by myself?

[-] UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 3 points 10 months ago

The theory of Heaven is that it's a utopian existence because it is filled with ontologically benevolent people.

Also, you're dead, so all those biological functions that produce anxiety don't exist anymore.

[-] njm1314@lemmy.world 9 points 10 months ago

If the biological functions that produce anxiety don't exist anymore than surely the biological functions that produce happiness and love all cease to exist as well right?

[-] UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 1 points 10 months ago

Mortal happiness, certainly. But Orthodox Christians consider that sinful, too.

Shedding one is just as important as shedding the other.

[-] njm1314@lemmy.world 3 points 10 months ago

Mortal happiness? So Immortal happiness still exists? What about Immortal anxiety? Does that exist?

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[-] __nobodynowhere@sh.itjust.works 4 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

ontologically benevolent people

Where are these people coming from though? Surely not Earth.

Most protestant churches do not require a believer to be perfect or benevolent to reach heaven only that they have earnest faith in God/Jesus/etc.

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[-] BackgrndNoize@lemmy.world 1 points 10 months ago

Everyone has their own idea of what a utopia would like, I doubt it's one size fits all

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[-] hakunawazo@lemmy.world 3 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)
[-] BackgrndNoize@lemmy.world 2 points 10 months ago

Right, I've always found the idea of heaven terrifying. I've got access to all kinds of entertainment and gazillion ways of communicating with friends and family, and I still don't do that while all of us are alive and I'm easily bored or unimpressed, imagine now being immortal and in a place where everyone you've known exists and you can't even make excuses like work or physical distance etc., to me that's worse than life itself

[-] nectar45@lemmy.zip 2 points 10 months ago

yeah no fuck that.... send me to hell

[-] scratchee@feddit.uk 2 points 10 months ago

Ah no, all your dead relatives are there, all trapped in one room. Welcome to the barrel of monkeys, in you go.

[-] null@piefed.nullspace.lol 1 points 10 months ago

Can I get the version with just the pets?

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this post was submitted on 20 Oct 2025
696 points (98.5% liked)

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