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‘It smelled of onions and mustard,’ Border Patrol officer hit by sandwich in DC testifies (www.cnn.com)

submitted 10 months ago by CubitOom@infosec.pub to c/nottheonion@lemmy.world

111 comments fedilink hide all child comments

“He did it. He threw the sandwich.”

That’s how the defense counsel for Sean Dunn, the man who threw a sub-style sandwich at a Border Patrol officer in Washington, DC, this summer began the federal trial against him Tuesday morning.

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[-] klemptor@startrek.website 253 points 10 months ago

I cannot believe we're wasting taxpayer dollars on a ballistic hoagie attack.

[-] socsa@piefed.social 171 points 10 months ago

Assault with a deli weapon

[-] klemptor@startrek.website 50 points 10 months ago

[-] samus12345@sh.itjust.works 15 points 10 months ago

Top-tier pun!

[-] DrDystopia@lemy.lol 11 points 10 months ago

This is so good it should be illegal.

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[-] some_kind_of_guy@lemmy.world 81 points 10 months ago

"ballistic submarine missile" was right there

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[-] halcyoncmdr@lemmy.world 50 points 10 months ago

I'm sure we all know the phrase that a prosecutor could get a grand jury to "indict a ham sandwich". It took prosecutors THREE Grand Juries to finally get an indictment for someone throwing that sandwich.

It's all a complete waste of time and taxpayer funds, and in any other point in history these prosecutors would have been fired immediately for incompetence at even considering an indictment in the first place, not even considering the possibility that they would try for three attempts.

[-] mercano@lemmy.world 59 points 10 months ago

They never got the indictment. The prosecutor had to downgrade the charges from a felony to a misdemeanor, which doesn’t have to go before a grand jury.

[-] halcyoncmdr@lemmy.world 27 points 10 months ago

I didn't even realize that, last I had heard was them putting it before the third jury, and then that there was going to be a trial.

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[-] gAlienLifeform@lemmy.world 32 points 10 months ago

Actually, it's even stupider than that I'm pretty sure, two grand juries refused to give them an indictment for a felony charge, so they brought a way less severe misdemeanor charge because you don't have to get a grand jury to sign off on those, and that's what we're wasting this time on

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[-] Remember_the_tooth@lemmy.world 21 points 10 months ago

I hope a news outlet has the boldness to run this story after one showing DHS brutality, including the taxpayer costs, and before one about SNAP, healthcare and the shutdown. This administration is well past the point of pissing on Americans while telling them it's raining.

[-] derry@midwest.social 15 points 10 months ago

Dear Lord don't you know this will lead to ICBMs! Intercontinental ballistic meatballs are nothing to be trifled with. Next they'll add mozzarella to them

[-] 0ops@piefed.zip 13 points 10 months ago

ballistic hoagie attack

Band name

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[-] JohnnyCanuck@lemmy.ca 185 points 10 months ago

I hope the people around him never let him live a minute without being reminded about what a weak little boy he is for whining about taking a soft, succulent sub to the shoulder.

[-] SaveTheTuaHawk@lemmy.ca 128 points 10 months ago

Navy should give him a medal for surviving the first sub attack on US soil.

The Cunt for Red October.

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[-] Carmakazi@piefed.social 53 points 10 months ago

The injury was to the ego and authority - of the entire apparatus, not one man. They're all anxious to bring retribution and remind everyone that the enforcer class is above them and demands your cowering deference.

[-] Remember_the_tooth@lemmy.world 23 points 10 months ago

That's a really good point. I hope he gets a medal for injury in the line of duty with a big, televised ceremony and lots of sandwich puns.

[-] EvilBit@lemmy.world 19 points 10 months ago

Kinda gives new meaning to the term “war hero”.

[-] DrDystopia@lemy.lol 13 points 10 months ago

Succulent...

Let go of my eggplant!

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[-] tidderuuf@lemmy.world 85 points 10 months ago

I hope the jury are all served sub sandwiches for lunch each day of this trail.

[-] nocturne@slrpnk.net 54 points 10 months ago

With extra onions and mustard

[-] Remember_the_tooth@lemmy.world 23 points 10 months ago

A salt and buttery with a weapon for mass consumption.

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[-] Bronzebeard@lemmy.zip 16 points 10 months ago

They don't serve food to juries. If you're lucky, they give you enough to offset the parking costs.

[-] Remember_the_tooth@lemmy.world 11 points 10 months ago

Yeah, off topic, but it really seems like the court system has adapted over time to disincentivize the lower class from serving on juries.

[-] FartMaster69@lemmy.dbzer0.com 11 points 10 months ago

But you can’t opt out, you legally must serve.

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[-] Manjushri@piefed.social 66 points 10 months ago

As neither party disputes the basic facts of the case, jurors will need to determine whether the sandwich-throwing is enough to convict Dunn on the misdemeanor assault charge.

Even if it is, this is a job for jury nullification.

A DC jury recently acquitted a different resident who was also charged with assault for allegedly moving her knee up toward an officer while being restrained after filming officers as they made immigration-related arrests.

I see that sense is, ever so slowly, being restored.

[-] bitjunkie@lemmy.world 58 points 10 months ago

[-] Norin@lemmy.world 51 points 10 months ago

[-] Manjushri@piefed.social 31 points 10 months ago

That sandwich did not explode. It flopped limply against his chest just as you would expect a sub from Subway to do.

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[-] almost1337@lemmy.zip 51 points 10 months ago

New ICE patches: "Don't bread on me"

[-] _AutumnMoon_@lemmy.blahaj.zone 25 points 10 months ago

[-] Vandals_handle@lemmy.world 11 points 10 months ago

Tired: Cat Breading

Wired: Ice Breading

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[-] fritobugger2017@lemmy.world 44 points 10 months ago

Video clearly shows that the sandwich was fully wrapped. Why do they need to lie?

[-] reddifuge@lemmy.world 27 points 10 months ago

Because conservatives are fucking snowflakes.

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[-] hateisreality@lemmy.world 40 points 10 months ago

Pussy

[-] ameancow@lemmy.world 30 points 10 months ago

No, onions and mustard.

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[-] toofpic@lemmy.world 34 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

US catches up - abot 10 years ago, a riot cop in Russia became a victim of an empty paper cup throwing. It was qualified as assault, btw.

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[-] TimeNaan@lemmy.world 31 points 10 months ago

/c/yestheonion

Or at least AN onion

[-] Remember_the_tooth@lemmy.world 22 points 10 months ago

I relish this joke.

[-] melsaskca@lemmy.ca 28 points 10 months ago

"The bun was a bit dry and that was more than I could take!", said the frightened man in army gear.

[-] Karyoplasma@discuss.tchncs.de 17 points 10 months ago

PTSD - Post Thrown Sandwich Disorder

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[-] vivi@slrpnk.net 19 points 10 months ago

meanwhile, there's another, actually important trial happening that is describing horrific conditions of ice detention.

[-] CubitOom@infosec.pub 30 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

I'd argue 1st Amendment rights and the weaponization of the legal system are also important.

Are you talking about this trial right?

Judge calls alleged conditions at Chicago-area immigration site ‘disgusting’

We need to stay aware of how this and similar trials unfold around the country.

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[-] bluemoon@piefed.social 19 points 10 months ago

GET OUT OF MY SWAMP, ICE

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[-] the_riviera_kid@lemmy.world 17 points 10 months ago

Poor little pissy pants, must be so hard to be a traitor when you smell like onions and mustard.

[-] Fleur_@aussie.zone 12 points 10 months ago

Waste of a sandwich

[-] SeeMarkFly@lemmy.ml 10 points 10 months ago

It was a run-by sandwiching by a fleet-footed foot-long fling-er.

To be fair, the sandwich was loaded.

Lettuce, tomato, pickle, cheese, cucumber, onion, spinach, mushrooms, olives, bell peppers…

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this post was submitted on 04 Nov 2025

724 points (99.2% liked)

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