this post was submitted on 09 Apr 2026
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Funny: Home of the Haha

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[–] somewhiteguy@reddthat.com 148 points 3 months ago (3 children)

Can't put the laptop down because he's next to a pool to free up at least one hand.

The best I can advise for him is to chew up the cigar and chase it down with the espresso martini. Then throw the laptop into the sea like a discus and get into the pool to wait for the authorities to charge him with littering.

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[–] lowspeedchase@lemmy.dbzer0.com 87 points 3 months ago (8 children)

I don't get the grind mindset at all - look at me! Be like me! Bust ass 24/7, hustle hustle hustle, sleep is for losers, carbs are for losers, relationships that aren't profitable are for losers...... it's all worth it though so you can be on vacation in some exotic place like me!!!........... (and not even be able to put work down for one second to enjoy your fucking drink and be oblivious of the views you worked for) Like who thinks this sounds awesome except 15 year old boys?

[–] zewm@lemmy.world 58 points 3 months ago (2 children)

That’s literally the target demographic. You answered your own question.

[–] lowspeedchase@lemmy.dbzer0.com 28 points 3 months ago (2 children)

5 years ago I would have agreed with you but I now know several adult men in this sphere...

[–] CainTheLongshot@lemmy.world 39 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Some would argue they are still 15yo boys in mindset.

[–] thenextguy@lemmy.world 10 points 3 months ago

Ha! I stopped at 12 and avoided that shit.

[–] zewm@lemmy.world 5 points 3 months ago

Mentally speaking…

[–] radix@lemmy.world 9 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Awww, they're growing up!

Last I heard, everyone is twelve.

[–] frank@sopuli.xyz 4 points 3 months ago

Fuck, that knowyourmeme page has some funny examples

[–] sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 12 points 3 months ago (2 children)

Andrew Tate basically crystalized this whole thing... by pretending he was Morpheus from the Matrix.

His solution to 'escape the Matrix'... was to be the most diehard bluepill imaginable.

Fate, it seems, is not without a sense of irony.

[–] ech@lemmy.ca 8 points 3 months ago

Pretending they're Morpheus when they're all just Cyphers.

[–] lowspeedchase@lemmy.dbzer0.com 7 points 3 months ago (1 children)

to be the most diehard bluepill imaginable

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[–] Anivia@feddit.org 7 points 3 months ago (3 children)

carbs are for losers

No one who actually works out properly say this, it's the exact opposite. You need a ton of carbs if you work out

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[–] TachyonTele@piefed.social 6 points 3 months ago (2 children)

Are you kidding me? There's hundreds of young men everywhere that have no idea how to use a laptop or cigars, but love pools and fancy drinks. This is perfect for them.

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[–] Shellofbiomatter@lemmus.org 3 points 3 months ago (1 children)

What did carbs ever do to them? Those are necessary macronutrients and a good source of fast energy.

[–] CompactFlax@discuss.tchncs.de 4 points 3 months ago (2 children)

I’m not team low carb but it is the one macronutrient you don’t need. But you feel like shit without them. So

[–] Widdershins@lemmy.world 3 points 3 months ago (5 children)

I've been low crab for a while now. Shit's expensive.

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[–] Shellofbiomatter@lemmus.org 3 points 3 months ago

Fair point, fats can easily replace it, but it still is rather useful for when quick bursts of energy are needed and the feeling part as well.

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[–] sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 66 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (4 children)

Eh, you might be able to puff the cigar without hands, depending on your diaphragm/facial strength.

Also, this is apparently possible:

[–] baguettefish@discuss.tchncs.de 16 points 3 months ago

back when talent was still talented \s

[–] danc4498@lemmy.world 7 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Also, if he is watching something on his laptop, he doesn’t need to touch anything.

[–] Waraugh@lemmy.dbzer0.com 12 points 3 months ago

Speak for yourself

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[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 41 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (2 children)

You don't need hands to smoke a cigar that's already lit and in your mouth. And if you're really talented, you can still drink with the cigar in your mouth and type on the laptop with your penis.

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[–] eestileib@lemmy.blahaj.zone 36 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Shouldn't he have a catboy in a maid outfit holding his drink/laptop for him?

What's the point of having that torso if you're not pulling catboys in maid outfits?

Seriously, why go to the effort?

[–] Jankatarch@lemmy.world 15 points 3 months ago

One can be asexual and still appreciate catboys in maid outfits so there is no excuse!

[–] FauxLiving@lemmy.world 27 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (1 children)

The guy may be a poser but this is such a 'I don't drink or smoke' post.

It's a martini glass, you can hold it with your pinkie. It's very easy to smoke and drink with one hand. You can even do it with a full sized glass:

Then, when you want to smoke, you extend the two fingers holding the cigar/cigarette and you can take the end in your mouth. You only need your thumb and two lower fingers to hold the glass.

[–] OlPatchy2Eyes@slrpnk.net 5 points 3 months ago (2 children)

Also if he's watching a video on the laptop he doesn't need to use the keyboard or mouse

[–] HereIAm@lemmy.world 4 points 3 months ago

Sigma males don't watch videos though, they create them /s

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[–] tipicaldik@lemmy.world 27 points 3 months ago

'round here we call them "fucking posers".

[–] FireRetardant@lemmy.world 26 points 3 months ago (2 children)

He can defintely still drink through the other side of his mouth. He can also puff and chuff on the cigar without his hands. His laptop is all voice activated and he's trained it to understand his slurred and mumbled speech.

[–] finallymadeanaccount@lemmy.world 17 points 3 months ago

The alpha male, ladies. Can't even unhook a bra strap with one hand because he's too busy holding his laptop and drink. Can't go down on you because he has a cigar which could leave you with a nasty burn. He's also absent-minded, and didn't remember to wear a shirt. Look out! What's that on his head?! Oh, wait. It's his hair.

[–] cmhe@lemmy.world 17 points 3 months ago

Is this some kind of modernized take on the 'Dining philosophers problem'?

Guy doesn't need friends to get himself into an deadlock.

[–] Scotty_Trees@lemmy.world 14 points 3 months ago

I see this is funny as this is just a stupid waste of my time

[–] Sxan@piefed.zip 12 points 3 months ago (2 children)

What's an "Instagram growth guru?"

[–] HereIAm@lemmy.world 23 points 3 months ago

Wake up 4 in the morning, go for a run, and then to the gym. Don't eat breakfast or lunch because that just interrupts your nonstop hustle. That sort of thing.

[–] gmtom@lemmy.world 22 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Basically rich kids who lie on Instagram so people pay them not to work

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[–] zerobot@lemmy.wtf 7 points 3 months ago

plot twist thats a huge straw, not a cigar, he is watching a funny animal compilation video and drinking kool aid

[–] 4am@lemmy.zip 6 points 3 months ago

Taskmaxxing

[–] CompactFlax@discuss.tchncs.de 6 points 3 months ago (1 children)

He’s also on the wrong side of the infinity pool.

[–] WhiteOakBayou@lemmy.world 3 points 3 months ago

When you grind all the time you're in the infinity while the losers are in the pool. #Grind5eva #mydadscigarsmakemesickohgodwhydididothis

[–] RememberTheApollo_@lemmy.world 5 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

You can hold the cigar with a forefinger and drink.

Just as messed up that this guy is apparently on vacation yet needs to be available on his work laptop. Has to be an American.

[–] zerobot@lemmy.wtf 5 points 3 months ago
[–] Beth@piefed.social 4 points 3 months ago

Those aren’t even gray jogging pants.

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