Childhood trauma. Being aware of your surroundings just becomes the default mode.
this post was submitted on 14 May 2026
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This. It's not a choice or a "neat treat". It's how we've been molded by our environment since childhood. To the detriment of my economy, I often go to cafes not to feel lonely while not having to engage in 1v1 conversation, and I can literally have my face planted onto the dining table, enjoying ambience, and still be aware of what other guests are in my vicinity, sitting in what positions, what impressions they gave me by their looks and by their general tone. Relaxing, but it'll be a cold day in hell before I let anybody hurt me physically or mentally.
Sadly, I second this. Also took 8 years in a 12 year (so far) relationship to learn to drop that guard at times.
One learns calmness and how to remain unnoticed when the violence breaks out but isn’t currently directed at you. There’s nothing you can do to stop it, and if you tried you’d be drug into it and lose. I’m a prison volunteer and I’ve seen the exact same thing. Some dude is getting his head stomped and people casually finish their card game or make a cup of coffee before lockdown.
Yeah. My answer was PTSD and weed. My PTSD is from childhood trauma.
Did a certain event happen in your childhood? If it was hundreds and hundreds of criticisms every month for decades like I experienced, then that's not PTSD, which is a single, life-changing event, but rather CPTSD (Complex), which is a gradual embedding of continual stress reaction over a long period of time.
Several traumatic events, none of them the same.
Dang. I'm sorry you've had to endure all those!
I've made it this far. I finally got into therapylast year but had to fire my therapist when their shared office started playing Christian music in the waiting room. I told her there's no way any healing is going to happen if I'm being triggered before our sessions.
I have enough of that. But I'm still the way I am lol
By being in the present. By being aware of the sights, sounds, and events happening around you without any emotional attachment. My job entails being the passenger in cars with inexperienced drivers that can potentially do the most dangerous and life-threatening things possible, and I may have to intervene at a moment's notice to prevent catastrophe. I am alert to this possibility, but I am never scared or anxious about it.
I am both relaxed and alert at the same time. I'm not sure I've explained that very well, but the Tao Te Ching might help you get the idea.
Yeah, learning not to be that emotionally attached to what happens is good. Having the correct amount of emotional intensity really does help you be alert without it being tiresome
By having a support network of people who can help during and after.
Damnit.
that's a rarity these days for most folks.
It partly depends on your location and it does take tremendous effort akin to marathon preparation, but it is possible. It can take years, though, so finding sustainable ways to slowly grow your in-person social network is key. As horrible as they are, Facebook and Meetup were critically helpful for me, personally, through hobby and neighborhood groups.
that means it's not possible for most people. most human beings don't have the money time and leisure to do marathon running. the wealthy do.
but they also have to the time to agonize about their 'support groups'. the rest of us have shit to do.
Confidence, being in control of the situation
I’m generally not confident and have a lot of unusual anxiety compared to peers. However, when I’m asked to troubleshoot something computer related in front of 100 people in an auditorium filled with c suite level VIPs, I tend to control myself while focusing on the task at hand.
I attribute this to having done the same thing thousands of times. It’s still stressful, but I know it’s going to work out due to repetition. And if it doesn’t? It was well and truly fucked.
experience and training.
do activities that are chill by require awareness, like driving.
PTSD and weed
Does the weed help the PTSD in your experience
Not in mine, but also doesn't make it worse.
Yes, most of the time.
I don't think anyone is really chill and alert at the same time. We have two entirely different nervous systems dedicated to these tasks.
What is actually happening is that people are feeling their fear or nerves or whatever, and acting anyway. And while it isn't an especially pleasant thing to get better at, it isn't very complicated - just keep putting yourself in scary situations. The more you experience fear and nervousness, the less control it has over your actions. You just get used to it.
I don’t think anyone is really chill and alert at the same time.
I do think so. I've attained this state. It's famous in philosophy, spirituality, as a performer, in a "military" or fighting context, and so on.
But I guess it depends what you mean by chill. A better word is calm. It is totally possible to be calm and alert at the same time. I'd say it is a more ideal state to be in, and strive to achieve consistently.
Or just being mindful. It doesn't sound like OP really means "alert" so much as "aware of your surroundings".
Practice. I've learned it by meditation (specifically paying attention to the whole of your experience), and so have many other people I know.
What you're describing as "alert" sounds more like hypervigilance. It's a maladaption in modern life, but was probably really useful for keeping you and your group safe from predators in the stone-age. I'm no psychiatrist, but it may be down to some anxiety or trauma that's left you extra wary. Figuring out the root cause might help you overcome it and be alert and calm at the same time.
yeah, i'd call it being stressed out over nothing. some people just go around being paranoid/stressed/worried all the time.
no matter how non threatening their circumstances/life are.
What you describe sounds like competence. If you know you can do it, it’s way easier to stay calm.
Some people just have a differently wired brain. But everyone can get competent.
that's optimistic.
I don't know if you've been through something that makes you on edge, in which case I'd talk to a professional. But otherwise I'd start here: establish a baseline for each environment you find yourself in. That just means figuring out what's normal and what's not in any given scenario. That requires awareness and observation. If you're talking about possibly dangerous people, you need to read body language, verbal and nonverbal cues. If it's dangerous environments, talk to people who are regularly there. This is just the tip of the iceberg. There's a lot of information out there about figuring out how to know if a situation is dangerous to you or not. But mainly, listen to your intuition. If something feels off, take action (usually get out of there, if you can).
Mindfulness practice.
They pretend to be chill or pretend to be alert.
I hate being anxious and nervous so am chill in the hopes of things being calm but unfortunately life is constantly annoying and many people do not want to be chill. Honestly if im not chill im angry and you would not like me when im angry.
Funny enough, hydroxyzine is supposed to be for for anxiety but also for sleep
But all I get is feeling tired, not really anxiety relief...
No idea...
Mom seemed to manage well and kept my family afloat... and she just lashes out on everyone... sometimes threatening divorce with dad, sometimes lash out at my older brother, sometimes at me... :/
So I guess by being alert enough means losing sanity and hurting the ones you're supposed to protect...
:(
(still love mom tho... idk why... oxytocin is weird)
oxytocin
What is that?
It's the love hormone you get from hugging someone. You also get it from pets! They also get it!