Let's continue to divide ourselves and fight these petty squabbles instead of actually directing our anger at a small group of elites who are ruining our world.
this post was submitted on 24 Jul 2026
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Alot of comments in this thread leave a bad taste so I'll just say my two bits and peace out.
The binary gender system is harmful to all of us. We all have different roles in society, there are protectors among every gender regardless of AGAB.
Also yes, under our current patriarchal society men's "protection" amounts to little more than the organized crime protection money racket.
This is exactly the problem. By differentiating people in binary gender in government legal system, it not only gives less rights to specific genders, which in partiarchal society is mostly women, but especially lgbtq people. For example, by strictly requiring men and women in marriage, gay, trans and nonbinary people have a lot of problems getting them. If only law reffered to every citizen as an ungendered "person" or "human", it will solve many problems and make everyones life happier.
Agreed on all accounts.
Women are expected to manage their homes and the people around them, to facilitate and communicate, to be aware of everyone and their emotions. That's not to say men don't have those skills, but they're not as enforced through indirect, and sometimes direct social cues.
It's a lesson we learn over and over, that strategy and diplomacy pave the way for peace - not open violence. In this sense women, in general, have more learned skills when it comes to negotiating and empathizing.
But again, these skills are learned through socialization and aren't inherent.
Absolutely those skills are learned through socialization and reinforced over and over by society. There is a little bit of a biological thing that happens with pregnancy that I find quite interesting:
But a recent study - the largest to date - indicates that pregnancy has a profound structural impact on brains and offers new clues into the neurological changes in mums‑to‑be.
It suggests that grey matter - the nerve-rich part of the brain involved in processing information, emotions and empathy - decreases by an average of nearly 5% during pregnancy.
But rather than being a cause for concern, these changes may be beneficial when it comes to caring for newborns, say scientists working on the project in Spain.
One of the dozens of women, now a new mum, who took part in the study told us she welcomed the findings and was "tired of pregnant women being infantilised".
"Rather than becoming dumber, we are becoming more specialised for the job," said Tania Esparza.
The BBC was given exclusive access to the Be Mother project and those who have been taking part in it.
The brains of 127 pregnant women were scanned - before, during and after pregnancy - and compared to scans from a smaller number of women who were not expecting.
The greater the changes in the brain, the more likely women were to say they were relating to, and bonding well, with their babies - the team of scientists found.
It's a temporary change for the most part, but people who have been pregnant have a difference in their grey matter from people who were never pregnant in their life.
Just an interesting little part of biology that is still incredibly under-studied.
This is pretty disappointing to read and leans into the TERF angles of “female/male socialisation” and bioessentialism.
And that’s before we get into the fact that not all cis women become mothers.
I read velma's comment and I don't see a connection between the results of a specfic scientific study and TERF behavior or bioessentialism. I mean, experiences of any and all kinds have constant effects on all our brains? Just because a pregnant person's brain changes during pregnancy doesn't mean that those specific brain changes are somehow necessary to be a mother or to occupy the space of motherhood.
What I mean is, one truth does not invalidate the other, both can comfortably exist with each other. A pregnant person's brain goes through specific changes; you don't have to be a cis woman or biologically connected to your child to be a mother, both true. "Mother" is an archetype that goes way beyond notions of gender while pregnancy is a biological process that can be tested and measured. To me, these are clearly different things and in no way conflated by velma in her comment, especially considering she is not the author of the study etc.
Edit: missed a word!
Humans have a small degree of sexual dimorphism. And that extends to neurology. Those minute differences get magnified many fold by cultural norms, but we're physical beings made of atoms. We're not disembodied spirits floating in the astral plane. We're sexually dimorphic on the outside and on the inside. And most of what differences do exist are a function of hormones rather than genetics.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_dimorphism_in_human_physiology#Brain_and_nervous_system
An example of this magnification is seen externally in something like size and strength. Men naturally are a bit larger and stronger than women. This is an objective and undeniable physical reality. But what gets tacked onto that is a bunch of stuff that isn't scientific or rational. People irrationally use this small kernel of truth to conclude that women are unsuitable for certain careers that involve a lot of physical labor. A real physical example of sexual dimorphism gets wildly blown out of proportion by culture.
We can acknowledge these differences without embracing stereotypes. We can reject bioessentialism without veering into unscientific mysticism.
We don't need to act like conservatives. We don't need to pillory someone who acknowledges very real and objective matters of human biology. Velma did not suggest that pregnant woman were stupid, emotional, or incapable of supporting themselves. She simply made reference to objective physically measurable things.
It's disappointing to see someone slander someone as a Terf or to imply that they said things that they never claimed. I get that this can be a triggering topic, but there's a fine line between rejecting irrational stereotypes and becoming as anti-science as a Republican.
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This is a real thing that happens during pregnancy.
I have never claimed that all women are mothers or should be mothers.
Edit: I want to make it really, really clear here. I am in no way a TERF and I resent the accusation.
I've never been pregnant or wished to be, but it still blows my mind. On a podcast recently I discovered that women who've been pregnant carry the cells of their offspring for the rest of their lives, which makes sense that they've been 'hosting' another living organism, but keeps the connection and bond in a beautiful way
The fact these things are just being learnt, is tragic and relegates the biological as well as social importance of women who raise children (including the grannies, aunties, and other women in their 'tribal group')
Society had really done a number on women, and has become the lesser for it
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That's fascinating. There's so much about women's biology that remains so far men's medical research. Where is this quoted from?
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It’s a lesson we learn over and over, that strategy and diplomacy pave the way for peace - not open violence.
Tell that to the Suffragettes.
I'm completely in favor of violence to oppose violence, but that's where strategy comes in. A gun needs to be aimed to be effective.
I think it's a nice thought to reclaim the harsh expectations on women. I think men have been taught to protect male supremacy and other men, not society. When I hear a man say they protect society I just hear an excuse for them to prop up patriarchy.
I think that's a really good point
Theres a vid doing the rounds on fb which nailed it - women tend to be "protectors" men tend to be territorial. We've really, really fucked up our boys.
In general terms? Yes, I agree.
There's a lot of social upbringing that drills this into us. Our biology also helps pave the way for this. There's a lot of reinforcement at every turn - some of it is positive, some of it is negative.
I rather enjoy being a protector. That's not universal for all women though, I'd wager.
Twice in this thread you’ve pushed the socialisation and biology angle about womanhood. It’s upsetting to see.
Eh. Trans women can be biologically female and socialized female. I would argue that if your hormones are estrogen-dominated, and have been for a prolonged period, than you're biologically more female than male. And if you live as a woman, out and open in the world, being seen and read as female by the people you meet? What you're experiencing IS female socialization. Socialization is not something unique to children. Anyone read by strangers as female will experience female socialization.
Gender is a social construct, one that should be challenged at every turn, but it has a huge impact on upbringing and how people treat someone, socially
And, most women are assigned female at birth. Not all women — most. How a body works will influence the kind of person someone becomes. It's an important field of research that lagged behind men's health for centuries. Only recently have we begun to catch up.
No one here is saying there are specific social and biological markers that need to be met to be a woman, but that being a woman often comes with being socialized differently from men and having a different physiology.
Ngl, my heart hurts from this conversation. I try to step really carefully with my words and make sure no one is intentionally excluded or othered with my comments here. I was enjoying the offshoot topics that were developing as well.
Ah well.
There's always someone who thinks you hate waffles just because you like pancakes.
True that lol
Not that it matters, but I've had my own struggles with my gender and dysmorphia. It just so happened that I had posted about it in another community right before these comments were made to me. That doesn't make me immune from saying the wrong thing sometimes, but my intent has never been to exclude trans people. We are on the same side, we are allies.
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What about it specifically is upsetting you?
That you are using these definitions to define womanhood when they are the two most frequently used to discredit mine.
You are not a woman because of your sex, nor are you a woman because of what society told you to be/do growing up.
We are talking about women's roles as protectors. Context matters.
I am not saying that those criteria define women.
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Who says you can't change your sex? I for one think it's perfectly possible to do so. Sure, some people like to latch onto a chromosomal definition. But people latch onto that simply because it's the one option that allows them to nearly-universally exclude trans people.
Thank you for your service
Edit: Sorry, just realized this was "Womens Stuff" after posting
It's an easy mistake to make. We're women only so please don't comment again and have a lovely weekend🥰
I have a sneaking suspicion this was sarcastic.
Could've just deleted your comment instead of editing it.
It was not
Apologies for my negative-first thinking then. I've got men arguing with me that children can consent to sex with adults and my mindset is not in a very positive place.
Thank you!
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