this post was submitted on 28 Jul 2026
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This post is sponsored by the shadow government, as well as my wife finally knowing her place, which is pretty much anywhere, including but not limited to, on my face, deep inside me, the couch, and the arctic, but not at the stove (at least not as long as she refuses to use any spice stronger than salt).


For anyone wanting to make a pilaf esque thing for themself I include this recipe: You need:

  • Meat, preferably chicken, one breast, or more
  • Rice 400g (~ 2 of those semi transparent plastic IKEA cups)
  • Onion 1(One) or more
  • Spices yes
  • Oil/butter (I used a mixture of butter, olive oil, sunflower oil)
  • Anything else you want to throw in
  • broth (2,5 * Rice volume) (Optional)
  • Pot (Thick walls for heat storage if possible)

what to do:

cut the onion in small cubes, cut your meat into larger cubes (about 2-3 cm), put your oil/butter into the pot, once it is hot, throw in the onions. Assume you are Obiwan and the onions just told you that you underestimate their power. Once they are nice and roasted (golden) throw in the meat into the pot. You have the high ground and the meat prepares to make a flip over you. Once the meat is nice and done (to your preference, from burned to just before getting golden) throw in the spice and anything else you want to have there. It is possible that there will be burned things at the bottom, this is not only okay, but also good. If there is something burned at the bottom throw in a little balsamic vinegar, wine, vinegar, or something like that, once the burned things are off the bottom. Throw in the rice and then da water or broth. get the Water to cook (steam is going from your pot) and then semi cover it with a lid, cook on low heat from here till there is no more water (show the rice to the side and look).

Once done serve with sour cream and bread.


Trivia:

Meat and Rice are the base thing, literally anything else in this can be changed, added, removed, and so on, the amount of meat and rice, and anything else can be changed as well, you can as well throw a dice to choose what to add.


Stay Hydrated in this fucking heatwave!

Headpats to those who want pats,

Hugs to those who want hugs,

Brofists to those who want it,

and a good time of the day to all of you!

top 21 comments
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Yay for the arctic!

Scandinavia or North America?

[–] TherapyGary@lemmy.blahaj.zone 21 points 9 hours ago (2 children)

1/5 stars

I didn't have rice so I used oats and also I I'm vegan so I left out the chicken, and it turned out terrible

[–] OldSageRick@lemmy.zip 6 points 9 hours ago

Oats is cringe, but you should be able to substitute chicken for tofu, worked well enough for me ;)

[–] Toneswirly@beehaw.org 3 points 8 hours ago

Lol oat pilaf sounds awful

[–] Ruusunmarja@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 points 4 hours ago

Sounds good and tasty and I’m sure 5/5 dish, however even zooming in my brain keeps seeing some white worms instead of rice 🙈

[–] SourDrink@lemmy.world 4 points 7 hours ago (1 children)

Looks good! Sounds like you're deglazing after bits of herbs and meat are stuck on the pan.

Only comments: A diced tomato or two could be good for an umami bump. Can of diced tomatoes work too.

[–] OldSageRick@lemmy.zip 2 points 7 hours ago

I do that quite often... but I was a lazy pos and didn't want to go buy tomatoes.

Nevertheless thank you for the advice

[–] YiddishMcSquidish@lemmy.today 8 points 10 hours ago (1 children)

Toast your rice before adding any water including onions. Thank me later.

[–] panda_abyss@lemmy.ca 3 points 10 hours ago (1 children)
[–] OldSageRick@lemmy.zip 7 points 10 hours ago (1 children)

You continue cooking the rice without the water, i.e. roasting it

[–] panda_abyss@lemmy.ca 5 points 9 hours ago (1 children)

You do that after cooking or before cooking the rice though?

I toast spices like fennel seeds and nuts, never tried roasting rice

[–] OldSageRick@lemmy.zip 4 points 9 hours ago (2 children)

Before, its kinda (and if you are fr*nch avert thy eyes) like risoto where you heat( toast) the rice before adding broth

[–] panda_abyss@lemmy.ca 1 points 5 hours ago

This has been bugging me for well over an hour: why did you censor "fr*nch"???

[–] panda_abyss@lemmy.ca 3 points 9 hours ago

Thanks for clarifying, that’s what I imagined, but I got confused

[–] AgentOrangesicle@lemmy.world 1 points 6 hours ago

I will take the head pats, thank you.

[–] Cybersec@piefed.social 1 points 6 hours ago

Great content, will try

[–] Sanctus@anarchist.nexus 5 points 11 hours ago (2 children)

Man I need like six fat spoonfuls of that directly onto my taste buds right now.

[–] panda_abyss@lemmy.ca 4 points 10 hours ago

Would you settle for 6 thin crunchy spoonfuls of uncooked unseasoned rice?

[–] OldSageRick@lemmy.zip 2 points 9 hours ago

I can help with thaz, but you either need to be really hungry for that, or be willing to pay a price in blood and sanity by listening to me rambling about some nerd bs

[–] craftrabbit@lemmy.zip 2 points 9 hours ago (1 children)

Wow, you have one lucky wifey

[–] OldSageRick@lemmy.zip 1 points 9 hours ago

I would consider myself the far more lucky one, but thank you