The last two relationships I was in failed because I simply could not give them the attention and love they deserved. Which is entirely my fault. My wife liked both of them, and we're all still in communicaton, but it's hard to give people the love they deserve and need.
this post was submitted on 06 Aug 2026
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She decided to move to another country.
It was an unhealthy relationship in many ways so this was probably for the better, but I was messed up for the better part of a year after.
It never really got started. Ive known this woman for many years, back to when we were both kids. We met through a friend of a friend over the phone, so for a while, I thought she was much older than she actually was. When i found out she was significantly younger than me, I had to tell myself no. And that "no" stayed in the back of my head for a long, long time.
Now its been many years, and we've stayed close for a long time. We had a few periods of fooling around once she got older, but between going away for college and both of us starting careers, it never worked out. A couple years ago she moved back and we had been spending more and more time together. We actually started getting intimate with each other in the last year or so, even if we saw each other barely once evey month or so.
I had a traumatic incident at work, losing my job, and spent about a day in shock, and she was there for everything for me. She didnt judge me or push me or do anything besides understand and comfort. I didnt know that was something I desperately needed until that point.
After about a week of pulling myself together, i turned to really pursing her. I asked her out on dates, I tried everything I could to make myself available to her. Weeks went by and she never has the time. Then she told me she'd asked someone at work out and how excited she was.
I was devastated. I didnt understand for a few weeks. Then we talked about it and she said she just didnt notice that I was even making an effort. She said it just felt like the old hang out and whatever between us, and that she had let those feelings go a long time ago.
Im still recovering honestly. Part of me entirely understands where she is coming from. I told her no when she wanted it most, and it bothers her that I would take her saying no so hard now. I asked her if she felt it would have been taking advantage of her to accept her back then, and she said she doesnt know, but wanted it anyways.
The intimacy over the last year is what confuses me most. We'd done some rough kissing a few times, but nothing like what we shared in the last 12 months. Part of that was finally having time and being close enough to each other, Part of that was growing as people and being more honest about being what we wanted. I just dont understand why she would want that with me if those feelings were really gone a long time ago.
I really dont know. A huge part of me just wants to wait for things to get better. I sleep a lot. Between the loss of work and the loss of hope, its hard to tell which one feels worse. I still message her. We share dumb memes. It hurts every time I see her notification pop up, but hurting is better than nothing sometimes. Its been a long time since I've been so deep in the hole, but I've always pulled through before. Just have to wait. Sleep is good for waiting. Dreams dont hurt.
Everyone copes.
Im married but my last dating thing was with a girl where I liked her and she was nice and responsible but I kinda felt like she did not like/love me as much as I met a sorta list of requirements and then was not bad from that subgroup. Then also I was thinking about a career change from IT to teaching high school and she sorta laughed that off. Because of your story I will mention another girl I dated. We had started dating and were doing a makeout session and I was getting to handsy for her and she told me to stop, she did not want to go that far. So I stopped and going forward did not go that far waiting for her to give some signal that the boundaries had changed. She broke up with me and dated someone I would describe as an asshole and I kinda feel she was looking for a guy to get her what she wanted while being able for it not to be her fault. Something I have seen again and again.
I am, or at least was, an immature ass.
She said it's not my fault but hers, but i blame covid more than i blame her. It's a long distance relationship that start a few months before the first outbreak, so that's already pretty challenging one, couple with covid travel restriction, slow business, and the sudden outbreak here and there, should've know it's not sustainable. Everyone is on edge, the stress is high. Haven't seeing anyone since.
Ugh, I don't even know anymore
Found out she cheated. Not sure what her motivation for that was, we never really had any problems prior to it.
It isn’t always rational. Sometimes it just comes up in the moment and you go with it.
Either way, the bare minimum to do is talk it through after and see how it impacts everyone in the mix, and address that. The worst to do is not to say anything and hide it until it breaks someone.
I have a habit of openly talking about this kind of thing with my partners. I’ve been in poly relationships and I’ve learnt to talk about all this without emotion taking over, but I still understand the taboo and kind of weird gut reactions to these things people have. So I often like to explain that if things happen in the moment and just kind of pass, that’s okay: but it goes both ways, and I hope they’ll at least try to be understanding if it ever happens to me too and talk it through.
It’s exactly as awkward and kind of “fragile” to talk about the first time over, as you’d expect. But once out there in the open, I hope it gives us confidence and trust to talk freely. To this day I’ve always managed to control myself and break off the fling when it happens, but one day I might not and I think it’s okay. For them too. Life throws us shit and we aren’t really prepared for all of it. And sometimes it throws sweet stuff and it’d be a shame not to indulge if it really is that strong a moment. In mono relationships that is. In poly or free it’s just much easier about all this. But tougher on some other things, like sharing time and learning to accept and deal with not being the sole focus and not keeping a sole focus yourself.
I haven’t had any reason to believe any of my exes would’ve cheated, and I feel like we’d have all been comfortable enough to talk about it if it ever happened. Neither have I broken anyone’s trust once earned and kept.
But things happen and I’m not going to pretend to be immune somehow. World is chaotic and unpredictable and fucking beautiful.
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She was mostly asexual and I was relatively inexperienced. We got along really well and moved in together. Unfortunately we just wanted different things.
I still don't know. One day they were there, the next I was ghosted. Not really fair but that's life unfortunately.
Met someone I liked better.
I am a muse with a soft spot for strays. I curate sexual and financial talent and then it leaves the nest when it's ready. I've made peace with it because I too just move on to the next thing. But like, if you are broke and horny and we date long term, history suggests that within 3 years you'll be clearing $150k and fucking with your feet behind your head. It keeps happening and I can't explain it, but I also don't hate it.
I feel like in the third act, my harem of wealthy exes is going to unite to do something great.
I moved across the country
My ex and I broke up for a few reasons.
First I think we couldnt handle conflict, in the sense of bringing it up even if it was needed.
Second, we lived far away. This one definitely effected it a lot, as its hard to not see them as a friend u meet up with occasionally.
Third, I came out as trans, so we both made the decision it was best to move on since my ex is straight.
Currently we are just friends, which is for the better.