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Infuriated on behalf of my coworker - US push to disenfranchise women (lemmy.world)

submitted 2 days ago by RBWells@lemmy.world to c/actually_infuriating@lemmy.world

30 comments fedilink hide all child comments

My coworker went to renew her driver's license.

They sent her back, said she needed a birth certificate because she didn't have the star on it yet. She's old and from some small town up north so this took 6 months plus another to get another DMV appointment.

She went back yesterday and they said no, you also need the marriage certificate from your first marriage, the divorce documentation, the marriage certificate from your second marriage and the divorce documentation from that too.

So now her license is expired, and she can't renew it until some tiny vital statistics department far from here responds to her with paper copies of all those items.

I am wildly infuriated.

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[-] clanker_victim_555@lemmy.world 31 points 2 days ago

The save act working as intended.

[-] UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 30 points 2 days ago

It's not even law yet. This is just state bureaucrats being insufferable to married women

[-] LifeInMultipleChoice@lemmy.world 5 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

I actually just went to check to see if RealID was needed in my state to vote now, to which surprisingly I found even an expired license or ID is accepted so long as it is issued by the state/Federal government and has a photo.

I really figured they wouldn't accept an expired License

[-] Feathercrown@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago

What I don't get is: You're the fucking government. You should know who's changed their name!

[-] EggInDisguise@lemmy.blahaj.zone 14 points 2 days ago

One of the many reasons my partner decided not to change their name. Something similar happened with their mother, so now they are paranoid(rightfully so) of it happening to them.

And getting any kind of medical treatment involving reproductive organs is always a fight since we live in a religious area and the hospital is primarily donated to by churches. They want a total hysterectomy due to severe pain/endo, and I swear if I hear "what will your future husband want" one more goddamn time I'm going to beat them with a rock. Medical treatment is already a nightmare for women.

We are married, and people assume since we have different last names I'm just a friend. And OBVIOUSLY every woman wants nothing more than to be an uneducated, subservient incubator that can't even drive themselves somewhere without a licensed chaperone... Right?

[-] Sybilvane@lemmy.ca 5 points 2 days ago

I don't think you understand... Even if they think they know what they want now, they might change their mind about it later.

/s obviously but this is an actual argument that has been used on me and it's infuriating! This argument makes sense only on small children, and it's telling that we think it can be applied to override grown women's decisions too.

[-] carrylex@lemmy.world 10 points 2 days ago

Meanwhile in Europe: "So you have this 10 year old driver license from Greece, yeah no worries, just try to not break the sound barrier on the German Autobahn ok?"

[-] KokusnussRitter@discuss.tchncs.de 16 points 2 days ago

... Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah. God I hope the people responsible will lose their keys. I wish their sleeves will get wet everytime they wash their hands. I hope their sexual partners will be disgusted by them. I hope their viagra causes massive discomfort. Because the people responsible must be old farts born in the 40ies. Did I scream in frustration yet? Let me do it again. Aaaaaaaah.

[-] SpruceBringsteen@lemmy.world 14 points 2 days ago

If it's just a renewal and she doesn't need Real ID you can get your license renewed at AAA. One near me is a lot easier than dealing with the DMV.

[-] RBWells@lemmy.world 7 points 2 days ago

I will let her know, thanks.

[-] Hiro8811@lemmy.world 6 points 2 days ago

Is it common for the DMV to ask for marriage documents, divorce documents etc in the USA?

[-] jake_jake_jake_@lemmy.world 6 points 2 days ago

I think they are trying to establish line of name changes from original to current name.

[-] RBWells@lemmy.world 3 points 2 days ago

Not if you have a passport, I just used my passport. But if you don't, and your birth certificate doesn't have your current last name (common for women) they require a paper trail from birth to current name.

It's a limited time problem, I guess women can just keep their names like guys do, but it's a big fleet to change, all the existing older married women, and also anyone who legally changed their name for any reason and used an ID from a different state to get their ID here.

[-] HerbGrower@slrpnk.net 3 points 2 days ago

What a shit and inefficient system you guys have there... UK you can renew it online and the system works pretty well. Never have to talk to anyone. There is a support number if something doesn't work or you need help too.

[-] Damage@feddit.it 1 points 2 days ago

Fucking medieval

[-] HubertManne@piefed.social 1 points 2 days ago

I don't get mine done as real id, nor does my wife.

[+] makeshift0546@lemmy.today -7 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

ITT screeching at hating women.

Dumb or not, your state id serves as the defacto federal id in lieu of a passport and as such is commonly used for id theft. Name changes are a common way to accomplish this.

God forbid we require a paper trail and people actually make copies of their name change documents as you are told to do when first changing the name.

I get how this could be a problem for an older women but this is easily avoidable and doesn’t have to be a thing. You also don’t have to change your name 🤷.

[-] daychilde@lemmy.world 6 points 2 days ago

ITT screeching

Using misygynist language to complain about people complaining about [perceived] misogyny totally is gonna get those people on your side.

[-] makeshift0546@lemmy.today -3 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

Bro, I gave up farming popularity ages ago. This is whining about minor shit for the sake of whining.

[-] RBWells@lemmy.world 5 points 2 days ago

Yeah her first marriage (and name change) was literally 50 years ago, it's difficult to get documents that old, from far flung vital statistics offices. Presumably she DID show the document to the DMV fifty years ago, but the state didn't document that back then.

[-] makeshift0546@lemmy.today 2 points 2 days ago

I agree an older generation may have issues. It still doesn’t fix someone stealing her identity without verification. Name changes are a key way they are stolen.

[+] Redditmodstouchgrass@lemmy.zip -6 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

I mean, I know I'm going to get flamed for this, but she's had over a decade to get the RealID license. The system sucks, but we've all had plenty of time.

Edit: Okay, apparently a handful of states weren't certified until a few years ago, but the point is she's had a lot longer than 6 months.

[-] RBWells@lemmy.world 6 points 2 days ago

She didn't know because the employee the first time just said come back with a birth certificate so she thought they already had whatever else they needed.

And this was not needed for voting or driving before. You could just renew & use the license in Florida for driving and voting even though it would not work as ID nationwide.

[-] Redditmodstouchgrass@lemmy.zip -1 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

Oh I see. People where I'm from were declaring "mark of the beast!" this and that, so the general assumption was that it would be needed for anything ID related eventually.

I also can't imagine changing my name and not having all my documents on hand. Just seems like the thing to do. The dmv taking that long is insane though.

[-] ScoffingLizard@lemmy.dbzer0.com 0 points 2 days ago

Still has more require ments that a man. She should sue.

[-] daychilde@lemmy.world 2 points 2 days ago

There is an argument to be made that women tend to change their last names while men do not.

That said, technically this is a legal requirement and has nothing to do with the gender of the person.

For example, my wife and I didn't legally change our names (thanks to undiagnosed ADHD we just didn't get around to it), but we have actually used our hyphenated names on pretty much everything except some legal stuff. If we had managed to get our names legally changed - I, a man, would potetntially have the very same requirements.

That said, I would say that this happens almost exclusively to women. But you do have to consider transitioning folks who change their name - or anyone who changes their name.

So it's certainly up for debate, at a minimum.

[-] ScoffingLizard@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

I talked to a trans lady at the DMV getting a STAR ID and she was telling me how hard it was. She had a giant folder full of all kinds of documents that were harder for an older person to get. I felt so bad for her. It had to be an absolute nightmare.

[-] daychilde@lemmy.world 1 points 1 day ago

Fuck fascism. :(

[-] Redditmodstouchgrass@lemmy.zip 1 points 2 days ago

Do they? I mean, sure women change their name in marriage more, but it's not required by law is it?

[-] ScoffingLizard@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 points 1 day ago

It's not required, but mist older folks did it back in the day.

Why is it that difficult in the first place? It doesn't even sound like an effective way to prevent identity theft.

this post was submitted on 02 Sep 2026

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