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submitted 1 week ago by AddLemmus@lemmy.ml to c/adhd@lemmy.world

I'm a single parent and have learned the hard way, over the years, what I need, can do, can't do.

I need nearly 100 % home office, as even one office day will take more mental capacity than all the other days combined. Also, on that day, pets and children tend to get sick, doctor appointments happen, contractor needs apartment access.

And yet, I got lured into a job with the good old bait & switch once more. Was supposed to be nearly full remote, limited time with max. 1 office day per week. Got switched to 2 office days min last minute, when I was already too committed to that offer.

Payment is very good, quite excellent, but it is all about office day logistics. Oh, and it's a 2 hour trip one way. With a child coming back from elementary school, having afternoon stuff to go to.

Also, it's hard not to hate the job and its people after getting lured in with broken agreements. I'm not even sure if they are all assholes or I just feel like that.

Needless to say, my stress level is through the roof. The absolute necessity to get up early in the morning makes falling asleep even harder, which intensifies the problem.

The plan, 2 weeks in?

  • No foul play, but accept the great benefits regarding sick days. (On full remote jobs, I sometimes just pull through, as long as the pay is really great and above market.)
  • Pull through 2 or 4 more weeks, then demand nearly full remote. They vaguely hint at the option to reduce office days at some point. If they say no, I'll just not come in, but won't quit. They'll have to fire me.
  • I already started looking for a new job. When I find one, hand in my notice.
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[-] Olgratin_Magmatoe@slrpnk.net 11 points 1 week ago

I've been in a very similar boat, and it fucking sucks.

When I first started my current job, it was supposed to be 50% remote, 50% in person. I was very much struggling with it, but made it about 6 months before the company shut down the office for renovations.

It was shut down for a year and a half, and we were expected to be in person 2 days a month for the one section of the building that was still open.

I was absolutely thriving for that year and a half. But it had its limit and eventually the renovations finished up. They called everyone back to the office. Worse, some employees weren't meeting the quota so they opted to punish everybody by moving to a 4 day in person, 1 day remote setup.

It was absolute hell for me because of my OCD. I just can't pay the mental cost of being outside nearly every day, even before the coercive nature of work.

So I tried getting a reasonable accommodation through HR and those bastards fought me at every step. It took them 3 months of lying through their teeth to finally give me a remote working accommodation.

So for the first time in too long of a time I feel like I'm actually me again. Fuck the corporations.

[-] ScoffingLizard@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 1 week ago

Any tips on getting the accommodations.

[-] Olgratin_Magmatoe@slrpnk.net 3 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

So it's worth saying, they absolutely shot themselves in the foot with the renovations thing. It unequivocally proved that they were ok with my WFH when it suited them, but not when it suited me. I think it was a big part of them eventually caving. Not knowing your situation, it may be a bit harder.

With that said, there is still hope. For me they kept trying to push an ineffective accommodation. No matter how many times they brought it up I kept on pointing out that it would have been ineffective, and they are by law required to give an accommodation that is effective if one exists.

So at a certain point it became a game of attrition. I needed the accommodation or I would have suffered immeasurably, so I couldn't back out. They couldn't drop the conversation because HR is required to provide a resolution. So in the end they just got tired of dealing with me and caved.

Also, it's worth quoting from the EEOC if you're in the U.S. like me. All of their stuff here just straight up says "employers should not be doing [thing that my employer was doing]"

Here are some examples of the resources they have:

https://www.eeoc.gov/laws/guidance/enforcement-guidance-reasonable-accommodation-and-undue-hardship-under-ada

https://www.eeoc.gov/laws/guidance/work-hometelework-reasonable-accommodation

[-] ScoffingLizard@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 1 week ago

This is great info. I'm saving it for later. Thanks!

[-] AddLemmus@lemmy.ml 2 points 1 week ago

same struggles ... great that it worked out for you!

[-] HappyCatLuvs_U@lemmy.world 10 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Best of luck! Sorry you were put in this situation. A 4 hour commute twice a week is a whole extra shift. Like you're working 6 days a week, and one is unpaid(presumably). I would be passed my limit as well.

Have you gone to your boss and explained you require the at-home schedule for medical reasons? Not sure of your country but atleast in the U.S., I don't think you have to disclose what exactly if that makes you uncomfortable.

If you've got a doctor, or better whoever you get your meds from if you use any, they may be willing to write a note for HR (or your boss depending on size of company, I guess) saying you've got a need for the reasonable accommodation of maximum 1 day per week in office. The company may still say no, but atleast it gives you the best chance of getting what you need.

Before moving on to what you outlined above, of course.

[-] AddLemmus@lemmy.ml 2 points 1 week ago

Good suggestion, thanks. My plan: I'll keep doing it for a couple more weeks, then offer to do a whole week in office during school vacation, but also say that I can only occasionally come in otherwise. I feel like the situation is that it would build trust to do it for a while before asking for something.

Wouldn't play along with that nonsense, but the pay is good, the benefits are very good.

[-] Dojan@pawb.social 5 points 1 week ago

I feel this. I've been full remote for the past four years, and all of a sudden my company's decided that it's no bueno. It's hella stressful.

Some days I feel like there's just no room in society for people like me. Everything was fine, then someone decided "fuck you and the way you work" and now my entire life is being upended. I hate society.

[-] AddLemmus@lemmy.ml 2 points 1 week ago

Yes, I'll be a bitter old man for sure.

[-] Dojan@pawb.social 2 points 1 week ago

That's reasonable. Though I am biased, on account of being hella bitter myself.

[-] BevsDad@lemmy.ca 4 points 1 week ago

Yeah, I've been full time WFH for over five years and next month they're switching to 3day/week hybrid mandatory for every employee.

Unionized public service job so no exceptions will be made and no severance pay available. Plus I've been living on a sailboat far away from this job for years now.

I could probably go the accommodation route and get my doctor to confirm every month or two that I require WFH or else I'll burn out again but screw that.

Instead I'm going independent and I'll be taking up contracts under my own business. I'll make more money with less working hours this way as my current job pays slightly below market because of how stable it's supposed to be. (And previously because we were the only employer of the type offering full time wfh 🤡)

[-] AddLemmus@lemmy.ml 2 points 1 week ago

This is the way. I've been freelancing for a long time, but they changed the laws in Germany, making it risky for corporations to hire a freelancer. So I was forced to accept employment in 2 out of 3 jobs over the past 5 years. Supposedly to protect the freelancer / employee ...

[-] BevsDad@lemmy.ca 2 points 1 week ago

Ah that sucks! I'll probably incorporate the business so that should avoid any of those kinds of issues.

[-] Infynis@midwest.social 3 points 1 week ago

Sounds like you know your worth. That is absolutely shitty of them to increase your in-office days in the final moments of hiring. It is an asshole move, regardless of the reason. Maybe just someone in the process promised something they weren't authorized too, but it's still a choice not to honor that promise.

I wish you luck in finding something better. This is the worst time to look for jobs since 2008

[-] AddLemmus@lemmy.ml 2 points 1 week ago

Thank you for the support. Undiagnosed until my late 40s, my career (and everything else) was a path of great trials and triumphs. Eventually, I figured out what I absolutely can't do, such as work anywhere other than from home. Then, I can bring a lot of value to a project.

The result was that I was in one of three states over the past 25 years:

  1. work from home
  2. not finding work (can be well over a year)
  3. getting broke, forced to work even in another town
[-] eleitl@lemmy.zip 2 points 1 week ago

We have one office day per week. But we're effectively expected to be there once a month. I consider one lost day per month at some 10-15 kEUR below market rate an acceptable tradeoff, as long as the project isn't too high stress. If they ask for more presence and/or job gets too stressful it's time to move on.

[-] AddLemmus@lemmy.ml 2 points 1 week ago

thanks, it helps to see that so many are like this

this post was submitted on 16 Sep 2026
38 points (100.0% liked)

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