146
submitted 2 days ago by JimHollow@lemmy.world to c/humor@lemmy.world
top 49 comments
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[-] hanrahan@slrpnk.net 7 points 1 day ago

Why don't they leave these in the draws in hotels instead of bibles ?

[-] Sv443@sh.itjust.works 3 points 1 day ago

I guess we'd be summoning the Chinese cum yokai

[-] GraniteM@lemmy.world 15 points 1 day ago

Significantly less threatening than this book:

[-] OldChicoAle@lemmy.world 2 points 1 day ago

Yum yum in the tum tum

[-] Egonallanon@feddit.uk 52 points 2 days ago
[-] Lushed_Lungfish@lemmy.ca 12 points 1 day ago

I heard there was a grimoire and came as fast as I could.

[-] Funkt4st1c@lemmy.world 8 points 1 day ago

Funny you should mention that, i have a book here that may help us with those results

[-] PieMePlenty@lemmy.world 2 points 1 day ago

Ask her if she has everything she needs in the book and if she has enough stock.

[-] RBWells@lemmy.world 7 points 1 day ago

As a heterosexual woman, I would certainly be confused. I would read it, though.

[-] Themosthighstrange@lemmy.world 10 points 1 day ago

Guys wallet, guys lighter so therfore guys semen book. There are no girls in this storey

[-] boonhet@sopuli.xyz 7 points 1 day ago
[-] Themosthighstrange@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago

I assume a dark color like black and not something pink, but i dont speak for all men some guys might perfer pink bics

[-] MrOtingocni@lemmy.world 9 points 1 day ago

Bust a load on the cover and close the drawer.

I'm a helper!

[-] theblurstoftimes@leminal.space 8 points 1 day ago

Everybody who’s ever seen “What We Do in The Shadows” knows witches are semen stealers.

[-] Manjushri@piefed.social 25 points 2 days ago

Marry her. True love will follow.

[-] renamon_silver@lemmy.wtf 9 points 2 days ago

Men can practise witchcraft too

[-] Master@sh.itjust.works 4 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

Hell yea brother. She tried to dominate you but you control the source! Draw a pentagram on her lower back to lock her in!

[-] Manjushri@piefed.social 5 points 2 days ago

Well now, there's a thought. We even come with a nearly inexhaustible supply of the primary material component for the spell too.

[-] neo2478@sh.itjust.works 22 points 2 days ago

Help her with supplies for her spell obviously

[-] phoenixz@lemmy.ca 1 points 1 day ago

Crush harder

[-] voxthefox@lemmy.blahaj.zone 23 points 2 days ago

Brace for the wild ride

[-] Ilovethebomb@sh.itjust.works 4 points 1 day ago

I know everyone is having fun with this, but the actual answer for me is to get out of dodge. That's a flavour of crazy I don't feel like dealing with.

Besides, getting a man to like you isn't that difficult.

[-] FRYD@lemmy.blahaj.zone 16 points 2 days ago

Ask them about it. That’s a wild title and it’s a well worn book. There’s gotta be some interesting stories behind it.

[-] bcgm3@lemmy.world 1 points 1 day ago

Lobster font has become endemic, it's truly everywhere.

[-] TIN@feddit.uk 12 points 2 days ago

Why is the witch in the cover art pouring a black liquid into the goblet? Is that... Should it look...

Guys, have I been doing this wrong??

[-] SoupBrick@pawb.social 7 points 2 days ago

It's what happens if you eat too much black licorice.

[-] Tarquinn2049@lemmy.world 9 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

Realize how desperate she was and that explains why she settled for me and maybe we'll actually have a long-lasting relationship where I don't have to be worried every day that it'll finally be the day she figures out she is too good. Also maybe participate in any rituals that sound fun.

[-] BaraCoded@literature.cafe 12 points 2 days ago

I'll have a chuckle, then I won't mind it, because it's a crush so my judgment is impaired. Time will pass, and from one shitty tarot reading to yet another zodiac tantrum, not forgetting about the lithotherapy pushes, I will slowly come to see that my partner has an output on reality that is completely disconnected from said reality, in which I will feel lonelier and lonelier, until I'm not even feeling like I'm in a couple anymore: I'm the companion of a child in an aging body who has to believe in the magical to cope with the world, instead of being in it with me.

If it's all steming from traumas, I'll first try to have the partner consult a therapist.

If it's not, this couple is over. There is no difference between that and AI psychosis. Same with religious partners.

[-] Ilovethebomb@sh.itjust.works 0 points 1 day ago

I'm sorry for whatever happened to you.

[-] AceFuzzLord@lemmy.zip 5 points 1 day ago

No need to worry. They're probably desperate for either a loving partner or some other long term relationship. So I might have found a potential red/green flag.

[-] Heikki2@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago

How does a vasectomy affect the spells?

[-] Maestro@fedia.io 10 points 2 days ago
[-] Karjalan@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago

How is it possible that this has Zero reviews?

[-] spiffmeister@aussie.zone 4 points 1 day ago

Be the change you want to see.

[-] FlexibleToast@lemmy.world 9 points 2 days ago

That sounds like you're in for some incredible sex with maybe an unstable person.

[-] DebatableRaccoon@lemmy.ca 2 points 1 day ago

Make sure to not leave so much as a hair in her place when you bail. She's the type of crazy to put a curse on you... or try, at least.

[-] hOrni@lemmy.world 6 points 2 days ago

Buy it, read it, bond with her over our mutual love of books.

[-] shininghero@pawb.social 6 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

Read it, obviously. There's bound to be all sorts of wacky shit in that tome.

[-] ChicoSuave@lemmy.world 4 points 2 days ago

Talk about consent, set some boundaries, then ask which one I can help with because I'm interested in learning more. This mutual desire to explore strange things is probably why we got together and got to know each other in the first place.

[-] dumples@piefed.social 5 points 2 days ago

I'm married to a witchy women. It's great. Green flags all around except I have never seen that book specifically but looks like fun

[-] jefmz@fedia.io 4 points 2 days ago

I’d definitely ask her about it first 😂 That’s one book I wouldn’t pretend I didn’t see

[-] turdburglar@piefed.social 3 points 2 days ago

take them on a date to see obsession

[-] DarrinBrunner@lemmy.world 3 points 2 days ago

Steal it and sell it on ebay, along with everything else I can get.

If she's your "crush" it's not reciprocal. It's better to face that fact and move on, but no reason you can profit.

Her fault for letting her stalker in her house.

[-] prettybunnys@piefed.social 2 points 2 days ago

I’d question why Mr.bunnys is doing semen-Magiks without me

[-] BeMoreCareful@lemmy.world 2 points 2 days ago
[-] zabadoh@ani.social 1 points 2 days ago

It clearly worked, because she's your crush!

[-] sixtoe@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 points 2 days ago
this post was submitted on 20 Sep 2026
146 points (94.5% liked)

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