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Bleep bloop (lemmy.nz)
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[-] BlueberryWalnut@sopuli.xyz 2 points 20 hours ago

Friendly reminder to not give your free labor to the grocery conglomerate - make them check you out, always (teehee but rly tho)

[-] gigastasio@sh.itjust.works 52 points 2 days ago

FOUR. THIRTY NINE.

…

If you are finished scanning, plea[beep]ELEVEN. SEVENTY NINE.

…

If you are finished scannin[beep]SIX. DOLLARS.

…

If you are fi[beep]TWO. TWENTY FIVE.

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If you are finished scanning, pl[beep]EIGHTY NINE. CENTS.

…

If you ar[beep]ONE. NINETEEN.

[-] OnyxRex@lemmy.dbzer0.com 46 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

I'm a larger man I need to do better, I know.

But nothing has embarrassed me more about that than being at the self check out and having it call out. "Two..DONUTS. please put your TWO DONUTS into the bagging area." Like, bro please. It's a cheat day.

[-] wrinkle2409@lemmy.cafe 10 points 2 days ago

It says the product name? What if you buy condoms?

[-] OnyxRex@lemmy.dbzer0.com 15 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

for the donuts, yes. There's this thing where the self check out makes you key in items from the produce section that don't have a label. So instead of just saying the price it will call out the item. Some baked goods have the same thing.

I imagine its some kind of fraud prevention. So customers don't key in something that is cheaper by weight then what they are actually buying. The machine calls it out so the person monitoring the self-checkout knows they aren't trying to defraud the store out of a whole 35 cents or something.

[-] DanVctr@sh.itjust.works 4 points 2 days ago

Supposedly ppl used to weigh everything instead of scanning it, because that's going to end up being cheaper. Like covering up the barcodes so they won't scan.

[-] zikzak025@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago

You can buy some really weird looking bananas in self checkout. My bananas look and taste just like a watermelon.

[-] blargh513@sh.itjust.works 3 points 1 day ago

Omg I would buy so many condoms just to make the machine say it.

Please place your CONDOMS in the bagging area. Please place your PERSONAL LUBRICANT in the bagging area. Please place your CUCUMBER on the scale. Please place your BANANA on the scale. Please place your BLACK DILDO in the bagging area.

[-] lonefighter@sh.itjust.works 7 points 2 days ago

I hate when I'm sweaty and gross coming from the gym and want a donut or two for my cheat day and I have to decide whether I'm getting judged by the cashier or judged by everyone in the self checkout area when it does that.

[-] wieson@feddit.org 2 points 1 day ago

I'm so happy I never had to deal with a speaking self-checkout. Only the little tüt when the barcode was scanned successfully and that's it.

[-] zikzak025@lemmy.world 2 points 1 day ago

They used to let you mute them at the stores I frequent, but then they decided to take that feature away.

Thankfully it only verbalizes items that you key in, where there is no barcode. But I wish it didn't.

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[-] rslogix89@lemmy.world 38 points 2 days ago

“Help is on the way…”

[-] Catoblepas@lemmy.blahaj.zone 31 points 2 days ago

I once had a dude working on monitoring the self checkouts get mad at me for having a bag that made the machine freak out and lock itself down when I sat it in the bagging area. Nothing crazy, just a normal canvas grocery bag. I don’t control your manager setting it so that anything heavier than the paper store bags set it off, dude!

[-] GreenCrunch@piefed.blahaj.zone 22 points 2 days ago

They also use cameras overhead to track items in your hands. I was buying a few of an item, so I scanned one, and put it in the bag while holding another (unscanned), but that made it mad...

[-] StabbingSky@lemmy.zip 16 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

I apparently scan stuff too fast, so I get flagged multiple times while checking out. And I'm not really any faster than a cashier. That's really only at Kroger, though

[-] runner_g@piefed.blahaj.zone 4 points 2 days ago

I will never not read this in Mrs. Doubtfire's voice.

[-] lemmy_outta_here@lemmy.world 6 points 1 day ago

Why are you the way that you are?

Sorry for answering a rhetorical question, but self-checkout is the way it is because stupid consumers meekly agreed to do work for big corporations for no pay. They designed a bad system because they don't respect you. They don't respect you because you are a fool.

[-] OwOarchist@pawb.social 27 points 2 days ago

Haven't you always wanted to work as a grocery cashier, but for free, and with a worse register?

[-] myyass@lemmy.world 6 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

It's how I get organic produce for regular prices. I wasn't trained to be a cashier. It's an onion as far as I know. A potato is a potato, I'm not a farmer.

[-] hOrni@lemmy.world 9 points 2 days ago

Ever wanted to just skip the line and get out of the store faster?

[-] OwOarchist@pawb.social 2 points 2 days ago

If you skip it entirely, you can get your food for free! Grocery stores hate this one simple trick.

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[-] FilthyShrooms@lemmy.world 21 points 2 days ago

tap I'm using my own bag

"put bag in bagging area"

places bag in bagging area

"unknown item in bagging area, please wait for attendant"

Fml

[-] fushuan@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 points 1 day ago

Don't do that, say you have 0 bags and after you pay put everything in youR bag quickly.

[-] gaiety@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 1 day ago

this whole operation was your idea

[-] Varesti@lemmy.zip 9 points 2 days ago

I usually just go to the real person.

[-] AndyMFK@lemmy.dbzer0.com 13 points 1 day ago

So much easier to let a real person do it, plus it keeps them in a job and you don't have to do unpaid labour. Win-win.

[-] JelleWho@lemmy.world 7 points 2 days ago

I like self checkout, or when you can scan the items in the store with your phone or scanned. But o-my-god please no weighting stations, there so much trouble I will avoid them at all cost

[-] stickyprimer@lemmy.world 8 points 2 days ago

I’ve noticed this “feature” disappearing from most self checkouts.

[-] Jagarico@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago

I love self checkouts at Uniqlo, you just throw everything into it in a bag and it scans the whole bag in a second, showing you the list if you want to check it.

[-] hOrni@lemmy.world 8 points 2 days ago

People complaining about self checkouts, why do You use them? You can just simply stand in line for 20 minutes just like in the 90s.

[-] spankysalmon@fedinsfw.app 5 points 2 days ago

20 minutes? Not even the old slow checkers have 20 minute lines these days. Although a 2020's ten minutes sure can feel like a 90's twenty.

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[-] knobbysideup@sh.itjust.works 9 points 2 days ago

Today's PC load letter

[-] Harvey656@lemmy.world 7 points 2 days ago

Fucking Kroger, every damn time

[-] FriskyDingo@sh.itjust.works 4 points 2 days ago

Ever since they added the gun holstered guards to check receipts I just took my ass to publix.

Fuck kroger

[-] Harvey656@lemmy.world 3 points 2 days ago

The poor people need to know their place right? /s

I prefer heb or Aldi. Haven't heard of Publix.

[-] cattywampas@lemmy.world 6 points 2 days ago

If your checkout has a handheld scanner, try using that for the tricky items. It might disregard the weight.

[-] Artemis_Mystique@lemmy.ml 1 points 1 day ago

on the shitpost meter, you score 50%

[-] capt_wolf@lemmy.world 4 points 2 days ago

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[-] flandish@lemmy.world 4 points 2 days ago

if i have a few items only and i count to 15, i’ll straight just move to a fresh self check register and start my order over.

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this post was submitted on 23 Sep 2026
571 points (99.3% liked)

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