My cat. Everyone would be played by cats. Untrained cats, just put them together in relevant places and roll camera. It's art now.
this post was submitted on 25 Mar 2024
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I was thinking specific cats (a la Unsinkable Sam or Stationmaster Tama), but these newcomers need breakout roles too!
Nicolas Cage.
Doesn't matter that he isn't even close to being a match, but the movie would most certainly be entertaining.
Ryan Gosling, Jake Gyllenhaal, and Timothee Chalamet. Not as one person blended together, but them having a threesome. Directed by Denis Villeneuve. Score by Vangelis.
That's me.
I can imagine you so well
Me of course. I mean I already got famous for being me so clearly I would be a good fit for the role.
Jack Black is the only real choice. In his messy beard phase.
I had a hard time thinking of someone even remotely matching my elaborate style and high class. This is exactly it. Jack Black, messy beard, clothing that looks like he dressed in a small, completely dark closet.
I'm a forgettable nobody, so, Michael Cera.
Macaulay Culkin
I'm so sorry
It's mostly because we look a bit alike but I still agree with the sentiment.
Bojack.
Horseman, obviously.
get in line
Dunno probably that guy in the Vicar of Dibley that went "Mo no no no yes"
Probably Keanu Reaves. We went to the same schools growing up and have similar ethnicity. I don't actually remember him, though I must've passed him in the hall? He's a few years my senior.
I'm thinking the actress for MJ in Spiderman (forgot her name) is the closest match, but it would still be a very rough one. For starters, I'm wondering how well she'd do in leg guards or if she could do a Kiwi accent.
I’m thinking the actress for MJ in Spiderman
do you mean Kirsten Dunst?
MJ is Michelle Jones-Watson played by Zendaya in the latest Spiderman films. Kirsten Dunst played Mary-Jane Watson in the Spiderman films from two decades ago, the ones with the first trailer at the World Trade Center’s Twin Towers.
They said “Spiderman” not “Spiderman: Homecoming” nor “Spiderman: Far From Home” nor “Spiderman: No Way Home”.
And in the original Spiderman, Mary-Jane was often called MJ by Spiderman.
Pedantic enough for you?
Seth Rogan but he's a craft beer snob instead of a pot head.
Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson.
No similarity, but it'd be funny watching the director try to fit The Rock into a computer programming role; and also because - since it's a movie - people would think that's how I look.
Question: on what occasion in your life did you hold a helicopter with bare hands? And why?
It's my biography, not Dwayne's! The heaviest thing he'll hold in the biography will be the absurdly large Calvin & Hobbes Compendium.
I describe myself as looking like what happens when you skip character creation. I’m super average-looking and would be tough to pick from a crowd.
Matt Damon.
Similar size, shape, looks and both from the Boston area.
A cross between Matt Jones and Daniel Franzese
Either Jack Black or Daniel Day-Lewis, depending on who directs/who's casting.
Edit: I'm not saying I look like Daniel Day-Lewis, I'm saying I like to think my life would require an actor of his caliber and complexity. Probably Rob Schneider would suffice, in reality.
In a similar vein, not Rob Schneider the actor, but that racist stereotype Mexican he plays in a bunch of movies. I would find it hilarious in a "I'm the dude playing the dude disguised as another dude" way.
Wait.
RDJ playing Rob Schneider playing that character.
Daniel Day Lewis?! Now, I know you're being disingenuous. Please use no fewer than 25 words between the; painter, journeyman cobbler, chef, bon vivant, quite possibly the greatest actor of his generation and Rob "screaming internally for validation" Schneider.
Apparently I look a lot like a certain, well known actor. So much so, that several people independently of each other told me that.
Rocco Siffredi?
Alan Ritchson, of course
Dave Bautista. In a long wig. Haha
Hugh Grant, I've been told too many times. Same looks, same sheepish attitude
That guy from The Commitments.
David Anthony Higgins
Philip Seymour Hoffman. He lost the game a while back, but it could fit. Who else m idk. Who else is chubby, reasonable intelligent and has a drug problem??
Please let it be Daniel Day Lewis. He'll make me so much cooler and more brooding than I actually am. I love that man's work.
Also, since he's a method actor, he'll have to be drunk 24h a day when he films the dark times when I dealt with horrible depression. I think he can pull it off. (I'm much better now, thanks.)
Bradley Cooper. People always tell me I look like Bradley fuckin Cooper
I used to get the same thing with Edward Norton.