Ask Lemmy

I don't put effort into not being single

Because relationships takes works and I realized that I am happier putting that work into me instead.

Haven't dated since my 20s. Got cheated on a lot. Like all of them. Some of them even bragged about cheating, to my face.

In my 30s, I put 0 effort into dating. The only type of women that wanted to 'date' me basically wanted me to take care of their kids, pay for shit, but they weren't looking for anything serious or any more kids (spoiler, that was a lie). Last person, someone I've known for years, asked if I'd be interested in having kids with her since we are getting close to 40 and neither of us had started a family yet. But, I was to be just a sperm donor, obviously be financially responsible, but have no say in anything with the kids... But it was totally going to be 50/50! Turned her away. That one tore me up because I've really wanted to have kids for a long time. Painfully obvious she just wanted me involved for money and nothing else. Now her mom is bank rolling all her dreams.

I miss having someone to talk to, to make plans with, to share wonderful build a life with. But I don't miss the drama, the games, the cheating, and the lies.

I am single by choice because I am going through mental health relapse. That's never a good time to have a relationship, as much as I would like to have one. For the time being, I realize that the single life is easier and makes the most amount of sense.

My social skills are probably near null, I avoid interaction and just say just the bare minimum of words. And I get talkative then all I speak is about tech, science or history. Edit: And I'm actually fine as single.

Too sad

I've always had very very low interest in relationships anyway - I value my "alone time" greatly, prefer to not have emotional responsibilities towards other people and never wanted kids / a family. I fell in love exctly once in my life and that woman turned out to be a psycho. I have absolutely no interest in trying that ever again.

15+ years single and comfortable with the situation.

Decided after my last breakup that i cant do this shit again or i will probably off myself..... Its been 10 years and now i cant remember how to talk to women...

Because no woman close to my age has shown interest in me.

Severe social anxiety. I can handle basic small talk, but anything resembling flirting is out of the question.

Because I finally came to the conclusion that I'm happier, healthier, and like myself better when I'm a bachelor.

When I was single for much longer than I liked it myself, it was for a large part because, unbeknownst to me, my style of humor was quite hurtful to others, making me quite the asshole. Needed a while to figure that out, because me being the asshole was not an idea that went down well.

Dating apps switched to mobile. When we wrote to each other on computers with physical kbds, it was like email and a long-distance conversation. Now it's like text messages and I am not good at smalltalk. I thrived on dating apps in 2010 because I could really express my personality. It got a lot harder when everything became apps instead of websites.

My wife realized she wasn't happy being married to a man and left me to date women. There was a lot I think I could have done, but I can't change my gender. Feels bad.

I'm ugly

:)

Cancer

I’m getting divorced as we speak, nothing is officially signed yet but it will come.

After 13 years of this relationship, I want to be alone at home and won’t be looking for any romance any time soon. Just plain old « enjoyment » and we’ll see what happens in the future.

My last breakup was very traumatic, and it'd taken about 5 years to heal from that. Ready to date again, but it's harder now that I'm older.

Cuz I'm fuckin lame, ugly, and put off a creepy vibe or something. I was staying at a hotel recently and complimented the lady at the desk on the hair ribbons she always wore. She didn't wear them any more afterwards. After that I feel like I should just give up because clearly nothing is ever going anywhere.

I’m asexual and aromantic. Essentially “no thanks.”

Because I'm not in a relationship

Confidence and weight issues, and I lost? Some of my social skills during the pandemic? I'm not sure how to put it, I feel like I can't speak anymore.

I'm a lesbian in a small town 🫠

I don't think dating apps are for me. Previous relationships did not work out. Despite having similar interests we were very incompatible. Filters do very little when people aren't being entirely truthful. For example, last person's profile said she never smokes and only drinks socially, but she smoked weed, vaped, and drank daily.

I want to go back to the traditional ways of meeting people, but I don't like night life activities. I hear that volunteering and church are good ways to meet people in person. I'm also going to attend some upcoming local events featuring some of my interests.

I don't hate the idea of some companionship but I have little tolerance for dealing with another person over the long term. I like my life of doing what I want, when I want.

I'm also ace spec with no particular drive to have sex with another person, so that makes staying single easy. I see a lot of people get into relationships because that's the way they get sex, but honestly, that seems exhausting to me. Sex just doesn't have that much value to me.

After my divorce, covid hit, and i got comfy being single.

I don't try and I just don't feel the need to.

For the first time in my life i actually want to be Single. Previously it was always that i didn't want to be single but now i am Single and kinda happy with it

yes

The mental block and also the fatigue from the last break up 2 years ago.

Needed to figure some stuff out about myself after a break up. Now it's just getting out there and letting things happen organically.

I stopped caring

I’m not a person I would want to date, so why would I expect anyone else to? I’m selfish, have very little emotional intelligence and am bad at prioritizing anything beyond myself.

Honestly even if someone wanted me I’m not sure I could put up with having to consider a second person when making decisions anymore. Sure it’s nice to have someone to do things with and to share things with, but I don’t find it worth it any longer.

Aro/ace here so no real interest beyond friendships for me.

I work nights and prioritize my kid when I am awake. If I met a nice vampire lady I might try to change my situation.

I've only had one SO in my entire life. I was so deeply in love with her, but she had several mental health issues that made it really difficult and traumatic. Imagine a relationship in which one is not ready to have said relationship, and the other has no experience whatsoever in relationships. It was total chaos, and ended pretty badly.

Before this relationship I was completely obsessed with having a soul mate. I was constantly depressed because I wasn't able to find a partner,.because there was nobody I was interested in to begin with.I thought I was broken. Turns out that, while I am able to have romantic feelings, I fall somewhere in the asexual spectrum. This means I actually don't have any interest in anybody, unless I get to know that person and fall in love with them. But this has happened just two or three times in my life.

Right now, after my failed relationship, I've come to terms with the fact that I don't really need , nor want, to be with anybody to be happy. Just like some of you, I appreciate my alone time and being "free", not having any sentimental responsibility... So that's why I'm single; because I want to.

Aspergers

vaguely points at everything

I might also be too lazy to put any work on dating apps. Maybe I should start that again.

Because I can't find a woman and the only women who find me are awful.