GUBERNACULUM

This is Culver’s. They’re a burger fast food joint located throughout the Midwest and have things called “Scoopy Night” where a percentage of the proceeds go toward a specific cause. Schools, dance groups, etc can partake and the kids who attend that school/dance group/etc help take orders and deliver food to tables. Not quite as dystopian as OP has made it seem.

I feel like this joke is too nuanced for your average nonmedical person to get. But I dig it, thank you.

I would definitely trust you in this department, SatansMaggotyCumFart.