SineNomen

When we got kids my wife and I couldn't find the time anymore to engage in kinky activities with each other. So she started looking on a BDSM site for extramarital partners. I wasn't that interested in the beginning so I didn't do the same.

But after she told me about some of her adventures (and also all the idiots who messaged her), I got curious and created an account without her knowledge. Created a silly Lego figurine as my avatar. And as my first order of business decided to hit up my wife.

All it took was one message to get her hooked. Always nice to get your rizz confirmed. Especially with the person you love the most.

I'm a cis het white guy, so luckily I didn't have to suffer any abuse. The "worst" was just not getting a reply. ¯\(ツ)/¯

The worst date I went on was with this girl in a wheelchair. I knew her before from kinky events and was fascinated by her artistic and kinky mind and how she combined that with her disability. So I was pleasantly surprised when we matched so we decided to go on a date in a bondage club.

Tying someone up or getting tied up is usually a quick and easy way to find what chemistry exists between two people. For us it was none. Absolutely nothing. I felt nothing and she probably as well because she was mostly on her phone when we weren't tying.

We are still on friendly terms. But I think I'm pretty lucky that this is the worst I can come up with.

There did exist some scrapers but they are fighting to keep those off the site. The first hurdle is that you need an account with a phone number to see anything on there. Makes it easier to ban anyone caught scraping or trying to do other shady shit.

Fetlife isn't a dating site. Sure, you can try using it like one. Just like you could try using Facebook like one. Or Lemmy. But just because it's sex positive doesn't mean it is for hookups. Like you noticed they are deliberately limiting people's ability to use it like a dating site.

Dating sites (especially the fetish ones) attract creeps and bots and Fetlife already has plenty of those. Managing it like a dating site would just make that so much worse.

If you are desperate to meet someone go to the events listed in your area. But again, if you go there with the intention of immediately hooking up you're going to be severely disappointed.

If you want to be derogatory towards Fetlife call it a porn site. Because that is the main reason people pay for it. To get access to videos.

When we opened up our marriage I wasn't as interested in meeting new people as she was. So she did her thing and I listened to the stories she told of her dates and also the stupid dudes that messaged her

That actually got me interested as well so I created an account on the same site without a picture and without telling her. So the first thing I did was message her, pretending to be some unknown dude. I got her hooked with just one short message. Felt good to know that I could still rizz her.

Of course I knew that all in all she would be more "successfull". But we both had our ups and downs, had fun, broke hearts, got our hearts broken. Eventually she stopped dating and I kept going until I couldn't go on.

In the end, I have slept with more women after marrying than before. Met many interesting people and learned a lot of stuff about myself.

But the most important thing about an open relationship is that it is open in communication. In that way we were open even before we started dating other people. And I think that is why it worked.