this post was submitted on 01 Jan 2025
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Relationship Memes
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It's a fair question. 'do you want help, or do you just want to vent?'
People in the emotional stage will not appreciate the question. It's best to presume they're in the "emotional stage" every time. Someone who wants solutions will let you know anyway soon. Someone emotional rarely has the rationality to explain this.
Luckily my wife has now acknowledged that my inner nerd/engineer will immediately jump to solutions and will preface the conversation with "i just need to vent" in those situations.
Can your wife teach this arcane magic to my wife?
The one person you can change is yourself.* Why not try vent before solutions?
*(Kinda. You’re trying to change your wife and here I am encouraging you to try a new way.)
Probably right, but boy for those of us that are very solution oriented and not great with emotions, it is hard to hold back. Personally, if I was the Schwarma destroyer, I would like a question like this to feel me out on, but I think you are right. It would likely piss most people off.
And anyone setting up the joke "sorry I falafel for you" is going to pretend they were in the emotional stage and then go look for new friends.
Drag is often solution oriented and often in the feelings stage, and perfectly happy to admit when drag just wants to be held and allowed to cry.
My friends and I have all started doing this, because we immediately jump to trying to fix each other's problems, and half the time we're just needing to be heard lol
I want a new new shawarma!
For me the answer has been the second one… about ten times in my life, I think 🤔
Edit: they were probably all times a situation seemed somewhat unsolvable, so I suppose I would’ve been “here to vent“ but I don’t believe I’ve ever been in “please, offer no suggestions“ mode?