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Discussion Thread 🌞 Monday 14 September 2026
(aussie.zone)
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this post was submitted on 13 Sep 2026
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My heart hurts.
I’m not angry. I was never angry. I’m just…so sad. I wish I had understood.
This whole time I’ve been terrified of making a mistake and locking myself into a mortgage on an apartment that wasn’t the right one - I intended for this to be my home for the rest of my life, or at least for the next twenty years. I was so stressed about the possibility of picking wrong, and turns out I made a huge mistake right from the first because I hadn’t understood the nature of the agreement or hence the search.
I don’t know exactly what would be different if I HAD understood, but I’d have set my hopes somewhere different and not be grieving them now
My personal view is that some rage is entirely justified in this situation. My view only, but I think you were misled, possibly accidentally, but still misled. I also think that your family suffered a rush of blood to their collective heads when the process started, and their expectations altered in consequence as they realised all the various possibilities available. But imo they are primarily thinking of their own needs/wants, and I think yours got lost along the way.
Now, however, you are in receipt of much more accurate information and can go forward armed with that.
I do think that your family needs to consider whether or not they actually need to buy a dedicated apartment for their own use. One that has nothing to do with you and which fits their needs perfectly. You can even help them search for it. You can still offer hospitality as and when required if that suits you, but if they are going to be that picky about the space they need then they need to understand the consequences and costs - to you as well as them.
Your needs come first here. After all, you are going to be living in the space full time and your needs should be the priority imo.
This might be a bit cheeky, but you could ask if they will let you have a locked room, for your own exclusive use, at their house in Mornington. Because I bet they will refuse because 'it's their house'. This might bring home to them exactly what they are asking you for.
I will never be able to afford the kind of home I want.
That was the appeal of it for me. The extra money meant I could stretch to "a comfortable apartment" rather than "a student shitbox with no kitchen or natural light"
I thought provision and use of a guest room was a fair exchange for being able to buy and live in something nicer. So I agreed...
...but it's not a guest room.
They have a guest room which I use.
My understanding of what I was providing them came largely from what they provide me - the guest room they set up has their art on the walls and a few useful items (a small ladder etc) in the wardrobe, which is about the level of use I imagined.
I imagined some bookshelves and a chair in one corner so I could sit in there and read if they weren't staying. Maybe a picture hanging. That's all.
I didn't want to LIVE in it. I'd have a perfectly good bedroom and bathroom of my own. I just want to be able to put some of my more neutral belongings in it, so the space isn't completely useless to me when they're not present to use it.
Apparently that was not the agreement. I was explicitly told "it's not a guest room. We don't want your art or your books in our space"
That is quite different to what I understood the situation to be.
If they want a space that's theirs and theirs alone, they should be purchasing that - and not expecting you to be part of that arrangement. Are they going to share 'their' space with your sister and her kids?????? Because if so, then they are lying to themselves about the space being their space only. And the cleanliness argument falls apart when kids are involved - trust me on this.
If they only need a dedicated space occasionally, then this is what specialist medical AirBNB is for. Sort of Ronald McDonald House, but the adult version. Yes, this is available.
What you need to do is put you first. Your needs come first. Your accessibility comes first. Your comfort comes first. Be strong. We love you. ❤️
The only stuff I can afford on a revised budget without their help is shitty student dogboxes, smaller and darker than I have now.
I need to move. My neighbours are unhinged. But I can't afford to do it.
What am I going to do?
What I would do is take the money from my parents, find an apartment that suited me, get my siblings on board and sell it to my parents like a champion real estate agent. What a great location, it's safe, you'll love it here, we need to hurry on this because it's not raining apartments at the moment etc.
Re-set, re-group and go forward. This you can do. If it's just you, then is the cbd an absolute must? Would something in WMelb or Docklands or even North Melbourne be sufficiently close/convenient for you? I understand that good pt is non-negotiable, as are lifts/accessibility. You might even like to look at Footscray or Kensington (which is a lot nicer than it used to be) as the pt is so good. Talk to @catfish about Maribyrnong. The new metro tunnel is a bit of a game changer re pt and I'm not sure it's effect has made it into real estate prices yet.
There are many options within a 10 to 20min commute to the city. Have a look at train line suburbs, you get more distance for the same amount of transport time than tram or bus. And many of the inner areas have fantastic cafes, ammenities, street vibe etc. I honestly prefer the inner suburbs vibe compared to cbd vibe. But if that’s not your thing, then having an easy commute means you will still have great access. Renting elsewhere will hopefully solve the problem of dodgy neighbours, and give breathing time to figure out your next steps. If you find you absolutely hate being out of the cbd, then you can always move back.
I would have been using the new tunnel at the old house for a 10 minute total commute, but not here unfortunately. Both tram routes are currently the high step sort, though that is to change very, very shortly. Bits of Maribyrnong are super hilly, bits are likely uninsurable against flooding. Kensington or WestMelb might be good if you stick near the 402 route. It's low floor and has at least 1 daily scooter user. Avoid the apartments at Foots Hopkins/whitehall. I ramble ...
West Melbourne and North Melbourne are areas I was already looking under the original plan - rhe most recent frontrunner for me when I thought I was doing a guest room was a two bedroom we'd viewed in West Melbourne. I'd be willing to live there. Happily so
I'd consider Docklands, but hadn't previously been looking there. The idea got nixed under the original plan because Docklands apartments tend to have quite small bedrooms (which didn't suit my parents). If it's just me, I may look again.
I work in the CBD (Spring St area) as well as currently living here, so I WOULD like to stay within the "can get into the centre quickly" kind of range. Being in the middle opens up a LOT of autonomy and independence for me. I like the area very much, I just don't like my current neighbours!
Go Docklands! Maybe look for an ex-rental being sold so that the overseas landlord doesn't have to pay land tax plus the 15% extra stamp duty. Should be a few around still. A two bedroom should have quite a lot of space for one person I think. Have fun looking, and spruiking the delights of Docklands to your parents .....
Oh I'm so mad for you, your parents did you dirty on this. I'm so sorry, Alamut, you deserve better 💜
It's my fault. I didn't understand the offer, but assumed I knew.
That's on me
No it’s absolutely not. Their conditions weren’t communicated. How were you to know? Please don’t feel like this is your fault.
No. They should have explained it better, but regardless it's a dumb fucking stipulation that is being used to control your actions. Do not ever blame yourself for them not explaining their expectations. They offered to "help", they ought to have made it clear what they expected in return; which isn't help but a transaction.
You're not to blame for expecting to be able to utilise the entire home considering you'll be living in it 24/7 for 20+ years. They're to blame for expecting you to have a hotel room for them, but not be able to clean or maintain that space for yourself or for them. It's a stupid stipulation, and they're stupid and disrespectful for making it a transaction under the guise of generosity. It isn't generous or kind to expect something that fucked up in return.
This is not your fault. This is not your fault. This is not your fault. Without clear communication, you could never have known.
That sucks homie. Twice my mother has agreed to help me get into a place only to turn around and withdraw the offer.