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(aussie.zone)
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this post was submitted on 14 Sep 2026
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ugh..
Parent issues here too atm.
Couple of days ago P's got back from an 8 day trip up north. As expected ol' girl didn't eat much. I fought pretty hard for them to take soup up (only thing substantial she can eat) which they reluctantly did. Chucked her on the scales (with a few arguments along the way) down 4kgs.
Massive meltdown accusing me of trying to 'get rid of her' and 'you're trying to kill me'. Wild mood swings.
Anyway so I'm down the beach atm (they're in melbs) and have fired off an email to ol' boy (who is very controlling of health related things) that I won't be back to help unless she gets a neurological assessment to see what exactly is going on as a lot of this is increasingly uncharacteristic. But for some reason he won't do it. It should have been done a while ago.
The problem is (as usual with that generation) she's expected to cook for him (when I'm not there). Did a huge batch of soup when they got back so she's all good, but she is a shadow of her former self in the kitchen these days and there's more risk of something going wrong (hot things etc.).
So I've unplugged the homephone and turned off the mobile, day 3 now. Never done this before. Usually there are calls daily. I'm effectively leaving her 'high and dry' which I've been accused of too many times to count when I'm not there.
There'll be a lot of resentment.
I am trying to force ol' boys hand in finally getting that assessment so we all have some sort of understanding what this decline (it's non-amnestic so a bit unusual, and not reversing) is and how to better manage it (which I think is fair). There may be a better way to manage this but just don't know without a neuro assessment.
Gentle suggestion hasn't worked, arguments haven't worked so I'm choosing complete absence no contact until he pulls his head out of his arse.
Whether I'm doing this correctly I have no idea.
They're going to see this as very spiteful, and it will create a lot of stress.
But I will have to make a decision in the next few whether to stick to my guns, or head back and resume normal programming.
This might get ugleee 🙃
First. Hugs.
Second - take or leave this but when I have had all the shit happening it's been helpful to get some psychology appointment. Not hard to get a mental health plan and rebate from GP..and no harm in using them for simple triage of a sounding board with no skin in the game and advice as needed about (a) how to care for you in all this and (b) strategies to relate. I've done it more then once and it's helpful.
Also we are here for you too
Does he at least acknowledge something is different or is he insisting she's the same as always? That's such a difficult situation, the mood swings would be hard to see, especially being accused of the complete opposite
What a stubborn old coot. Gotta be one of the worst qualities to develop in later life (looking at you, mother). May we all break the cycle.
Yep, both are.
Still don't know if I'm doing the right thing though as it is adding risk. But getting that assessment could reduce it.
I've failed in finding middle ground and this a:
Hey sometimes it has to be done. Can't help someone who doesn't want it (your dad I mean), and sometimes going AWOL/no contact is the only way to force their hand, or at least give you a bit of peace.
I had to do it with my mum, when she developed schizophrenia and refused medication or therapy (apparently tarot cards and crystals are better)
My father refused any flex on his stubbornness, we haven't spoken in five years.
You've done everything you can to keep her safe, but if you have to withdraw for your own sake then you're right to do so
before you do or say anything explain exactly what you are doing and why in simple terms. Say it all in your father's presence. Directly ask his opinion and ask why he thinks and does that.
this is just sad, I'm so sorry
You could challenge them publicly, ask them to write a list of all the "horrible" things you have done, because they can't
you've got to get your sibs in on this
even if they do nothing the least they can do is back you up
if she wasn't old I would say it's anorexia/eating disorder and an act of defiance and trying to control her environment and other people
Eeep. I think you are right about the potential trajectory. I also think that the assessment really really needs to be done. No 'correct' options here. Hang in there.
I'm sorry you're stuck in the middle. That's a shitty position to be in. 🫂❤️